Women and Orgasms
Today's set of posts is brought to you from the Babeland blog. Remember that awesome company that gave away a vibe for voting? That was Babeland. They're a fantastic company combining a store with education and information, and they're absolutely fantastic.
The Race to the Finish Line: Medicalized Orgasms in Orgasm, Inc. discusses a film released early this year documenting drug companies developing drugs to help women achieve orgasm and prolong their sexual life. Sound weird? Probably because it is. Never in my life has it occurred to me to think that drugs could help me achieve orgasm. In a weird, twisted way it makes sense, since orgasm is achieved via a series of biochemical triggers and responses, but that's pretty messed up.
Not only does it point (as so many things do) towards the possibility that as a society we are overmedicated and overly concerned with "healthy" body chemistry, but it also highlights the ongoing concern that women are "different" than men. In a strictly physical sense we are - almost any woman and any man who knows anything can assure you that women are much less likely to experience orgasm. The drug companies mentioned above cite a disease they call Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) that they are hoping to cure.
Does that sound weird? Yes, yes it does, and it should.
I'm not just talking about the fact that it tries to explain low libido, low desire, trouble reaching orgasm and trouble lubricating as side-effects of a disease and ignores the other non-physical factors associated with arousal and desire (namely stress or psychology). I'm not even sure I'm just talking about the fact that it underscores all of the following about women and their sexuality:
Those who oppose FSD point to our culture and education as the source of womens’ problems. One in five women will be abused in her lifetime, 80% of women have body image issues, women with children do three times as much work (including household work) as men. Women are raised to believe that they are not worthy of pleasure, that they exist to give pleasure, that asking for what they want makes them a slut, that they should be able to have orgasms from intercourse alone (only about 30% of women do this). Women are rarely told what their clitorises are, let alone where to find them or how to stimulate them. Abstinence-only sex education teaches our young women that sex before marriage will damage them psychologically and make them “unclean”.
Honestly? FSD makes it sound like there's some kind of "right" way to operate sexually, and that to not do that (whatever that means) makes you "dysfunctional." This is absolutely not true, in my opinion. Ironically, of course, the disease also acknowledges female sexuality and affirms it, with a simultaneous backhand slap thrown in at the end.
All of this rambling ultimately brings me (and the Babeland blog) to this guest post: Girls Get Off!. Orgasm, while potentially difficult, is entirely achievable. But you can have a really good time without it - trust me, I know. It's awesome that more women and their partners are trying to explore this aspect of female sexuality, but it's not all of it and it's certainly all relative. Every woman's body is different - and, equally importantly, every woman's brain is different.
Regardless, though, I think the most important thing is that women understand their own bodies and how they work, how they experience pleasure and how their bodies link up with their brains. Before ever involving a partner, I think ideally women would understand how they prefer to be touched or stimulated. There's something fun about exploration, but there's something efficient and empowering about knowing for yourself.
There's no rule that orgasm or pleasure is only achievable with a partner. A partner helps mentally stimulate you, but believe me when I say that partners cannot always do with a simple piece of technology can. Nor can a partner always be perfectly connected to your desires, try as they might. And believe me, there's nothing wrong either with having an orgasm or not. As long as you're having fun and being safe, nature will work its magic and all will be well.