on delinquency, what a terrible parent I will be, and potato chips
First, the potato chips. Cheddar & sour cream chips are the greatest food ever, but they make my nose run and after eating too many (no admissions how much "too many" might be) I also get hives. When I say that cheddar & sour cream chips are the greatest food ever, I mostly mean "the most addictive replacement for taco bell nachos and taco flavored doritos" which would both probably require me to use a lot of benadryl and/or my epi pen (which may be expired, I haven't checked lately... so negligent). so in reality, they are a good substitute for what i really want (CUMIN! MSG! JALAPENO!) and i eat them too much. perhaps it is orange foods that are my downfall. i seem to devour macaroni and cheese, cheeto substitute food, and these sour cream & cheddar potato things. also apple juice, which is only vaguely orange. also also carrots, except they make my mouth itch sometimes (ok, so only after enough baby carrots to equal about 2 real carrots, a usual serving for me). if food and i weren't at odds pre-bizarre food intolerances, we sure as hell are now. what i can eat, i eat too much of. what i can't eat, i crave so terribly that i end up eating substitutes just to keep myself occupied. very dangerous.
secondly, i am realizing the very large number of things that i don't care about. example: i really don't care that much if there are dirty dishes lying all over the place. well, yes. i do care when there are no clean dishes for me to cook on/eat off of, or when they're festering with water in them in the sink. i also don't care at all if my desk is never tidy or beverage-container-free. maybe i'll put away the taxes in their proper folder sometime soon. maybe not. and i really don't care about things like baby milestones. probably my postpartum hormones will care deeply, but for now, the baby gets to be a baby first and if it does stuff, cool. whatever. i'd like it if the little critter started sleeping for 6 hours at a shot within the first couple months of life, but beyond that, whatever. i keep compulsively reading baby books, and i find that i really don't care whether the baby meets milestones, goes to developmentally-stimulating activities like violin lessons or baby yoga, or if the baby sleeps on a person sometimes. at this point, i'm not really sure if i care whether the baby sleeps in a laundry basket, the bassinet that's probably covered in lead paint, or the infant crib with slats probably too far apart. I'll be happy enough if the baby sleeps, really. i no longer care about good nutrition (mostly). i just care about eating things.
oh. so my lack of caring about... most things, really... is certainly going to make me a terrible parent. i don't care if we have a boy and he wears pink because some lady at church gave us some pink stuff. i don't care if i continue to wear sweats and old t-shirts all the time. i don't care if i haven't brushed my hair all week. i don't care that i smell like a gym sock because there is no fucking deodorant that i can wear without getting hives that WORKS. (well, yes. this i do care about because i don't like being a soggy gym sock all the time. but you get the gist.) i don't care that i don't care either! hah!
delinquency de jour: tonight while eric is at work, i was supposed to do a fair bit of homework, load the dishwasher, maybe pack the "egads! a baby! we have to go to the hospital!" bag, and not spend the entire night noodling on the internet, blogging, and reading about parenting at various websites. really now, self. there are things to do. do them, damnation! also, reading and rereading stuff about parenting will only piss you off and make you realize that your relative apathy toward parenting styles is probably a good decision. now that the internet is always here, it is much less exciting and entirely too engrossing. or time consuming. or something something. perhaps i'll endeavor to be productive now for a change... or maybe i'll have some ice cream and relax away from the computer.
secondly, i am realizing the very large number of things that i don't care about. example: i really don't care that much if there are dirty dishes lying all over the place. well, yes. i do care when there are no clean dishes for me to cook on/eat off of, or when they're festering with water in them in the sink. i also don't care at all if my desk is never tidy or beverage-container-free. maybe i'll put away the taxes in their proper folder sometime soon. maybe not. and i really don't care about things like baby milestones. probably my postpartum hormones will care deeply, but for now, the baby gets to be a baby first and if it does stuff, cool. whatever. i'd like it if the little critter started sleeping for 6 hours at a shot within the first couple months of life, but beyond that, whatever. i keep compulsively reading baby books, and i find that i really don't care whether the baby meets milestones, goes to developmentally-stimulating activities like violin lessons or baby yoga, or if the baby sleeps on a person sometimes. at this point, i'm not really sure if i care whether the baby sleeps in a laundry basket, the bassinet that's probably covered in lead paint, or the infant crib with slats probably too far apart. I'll be happy enough if the baby sleeps, really. i no longer care about good nutrition (mostly). i just care about eating things.
oh. so my lack of caring about... most things, really... is certainly going to make me a terrible parent. i don't care if we have a boy and he wears pink because some lady at church gave us some pink stuff. i don't care if i continue to wear sweats and old t-shirts all the time. i don't care if i haven't brushed my hair all week. i don't care that i smell like a gym sock because there is no fucking deodorant that i can wear without getting hives that WORKS. (well, yes. this i do care about because i don't like being a soggy gym sock all the time. but you get the gist.) i don't care that i don't care either! hah!
delinquency de jour: tonight while eric is at work, i was supposed to do a fair bit of homework, load the dishwasher, maybe pack the "egads! a baby! we have to go to the hospital!" bag, and not spend the entire night noodling on the internet, blogging, and reading about parenting at various websites. really now, self. there are things to do. do them, damnation! also, reading and rereading stuff about parenting will only piss you off and make you realize that your relative apathy toward parenting styles is probably a good decision. now that the internet is always here, it is much less exciting and entirely too engrossing. or time consuming. or something something. perhaps i'll endeavor to be productive now for a change... or maybe i'll have some ice cream and relax away from the computer.