The Case of the Kidnapped Kurt (part the first)
"Did you see that?" Not giving Finn a chance to answer, Rachel started dragging him to the choir room.
Finn was a little confused. "Did -- did Kurt just get kidnapped?"
Of course, he didn't manage to get this out until they were in earshot of all the other gleeks.
"What?" Mr. Schuester said.
There was pandemonium, as the gleeks tossed around increasingly ridiculous conspiracy theories on the part of other glee clubs. Puck and Santana were arguing for a counterstrike, and Rachel was explaining the layout of Carnel, when Finn, surprisingly, interrupted. "Um, guys? Not that Vocal Adrenaline isn't evil, because they are. Really evil. But ... Kurt's boyfriend is, like, a crime lord -- no offense, Blaine --"
"None taken," Blaine said from the corner where he was calmly texting. "Although, strictly speaking, I'm only a crime lord in training."
"-- Right," Finn said. "Anyway, don't mobs fight each other and stuff?" He grew a bit panicky. "Oh my God. What if they kill Kurt?"
"Nah," Santana said, filing her nails in an attempt to look nonchalant. "They're far more likely to use him as a hostage to blackmail Anderson and his family."
"Kurt would be a terrible hostage," Artie said. Most people nodded, but Brittany frowned.
"He's an awesome hostage," she said. "He, like, asks you what you want to drink and if you're hungry and he even makes cookies if you really want them."
Everyone looked at Brittany for a moment, and then decided not to even bother.
"What am I going to tell Mom and Burt?" Finn moaned. "How do I tell them that I let my little brother get kidnapped by mobsters?"
"You know," Blaine interjected, "Kurt is actually several months older than you. He's told you that quite a few times."
"Yeah, but I'm bigger," Finn said. "So he's my little brother."
"We should call the police," Rachel said.
"What are they going to do?" Quinn asked, arms crossed. "This is the mob, remember?"
"I'm with Rachel on this one," Mr. Schuester said. "I know you guys like to do things on your own, but if Kurt really has been kidnapped, then it's a matter for the police."
"You can't trust the police," Puck said.
("Puck, the police are not out to get you." "Oh yeah?" He points to himself. "Juvie." "You drove a car into an atm, Puck." "Details.")
Somewhere behind them all, Blaine sighed. "Guys?"
They were involved in this new argument, and paid him no attention. Blaine sighed again, and, pocketing his cell phone and grabbing his bag, he went and tapped Mercedes on the shoulder.
"What?" Mercedes said, distracted from the hubbub. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed just how calm and unaffected Blaine looked. "Boy, why the hell are you not freaking out like the rest of us? It's your boo that got kidnapped!"
Blaine looked like he very much wanted to roll his eyes but was too genteel to do so. "Kurt's fine," he said.
"How do you know?" Mercedes demanded.
"Because," Blaine said, "He wasn't actually kidnapped."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, really." Blaine looked at Mercedes. Clearly, she still wasn't sure if she trusted him or not. Blaine sighed again. "look," he said, "I have to go; I've got a meeting, so if you could just get them to talk to Mr. Hummel, I think you'll find that everything is perfectly fine."
Mercedes looked like she was about to object.
"And anyway," Blaine said, not above manipulation (he was a mob boss in training, after all), "If Kurt really is in trouble the way you all seem to think, shouldn't you inform his parents before you do anything else?"
NEXT
Finn was a little confused. "Did -- did Kurt just get kidnapped?"
Of course, he didn't manage to get this out until they were in earshot of all the other gleeks.
"What?" Mr. Schuester said.
There was pandemonium, as the gleeks tossed around increasingly ridiculous conspiracy theories on the part of other glee clubs. Puck and Santana were arguing for a counterstrike, and Rachel was explaining the layout of Carnel, when Finn, surprisingly, interrupted. "Um, guys? Not that Vocal Adrenaline isn't evil, because they are. Really evil. But ... Kurt's boyfriend is, like, a crime lord -- no offense, Blaine --"
"None taken," Blaine said from the corner where he was calmly texting. "Although, strictly speaking, I'm only a crime lord in training."
"-- Right," Finn said. "Anyway, don't mobs fight each other and stuff?" He grew a bit panicky. "Oh my God. What if they kill Kurt?"
"Nah," Santana said, filing her nails in an attempt to look nonchalant. "They're far more likely to use him as a hostage to blackmail Anderson and his family."
"Kurt would be a terrible hostage," Artie said. Most people nodded, but Brittany frowned.
"He's an awesome hostage," she said. "He, like, asks you what you want to drink and if you're hungry and he even makes cookies if you really want them."
Everyone looked at Brittany for a moment, and then decided not to even bother.
"What am I going to tell Mom and Burt?" Finn moaned. "How do I tell them that I let my little brother get kidnapped by mobsters?"
"You know," Blaine interjected, "Kurt is actually several months older than you. He's told you that quite a few times."
"Yeah, but I'm bigger," Finn said. "So he's my little brother."
"We should call the police," Rachel said.
"What are they going to do?" Quinn asked, arms crossed. "This is the mob, remember?"
"I'm with Rachel on this one," Mr. Schuester said. "I know you guys like to do things on your own, but if Kurt really has been kidnapped, then it's a matter for the police."
"You can't trust the police," Puck said.
("Puck, the police are not out to get you." "Oh yeah?" He points to himself. "Juvie." "You drove a car into an atm, Puck." "Details.")
Somewhere behind them all, Blaine sighed. "Guys?"
They were involved in this new argument, and paid him no attention. Blaine sighed again, and, pocketing his cell phone and grabbing his bag, he went and tapped Mercedes on the shoulder.
"What?" Mercedes said, distracted from the hubbub. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed just how calm and unaffected Blaine looked. "Boy, why the hell are you not freaking out like the rest of us? It's your boo that got kidnapped!"
Blaine looked like he very much wanted to roll his eyes but was too genteel to do so. "Kurt's fine," he said.
"How do you know?" Mercedes demanded.
"Because," Blaine said, "He wasn't actually kidnapped."
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, really." Blaine looked at Mercedes. Clearly, she still wasn't sure if she trusted him or not. Blaine sighed again. "look," he said, "I have to go; I've got a meeting, so if you could just get them to talk to Mr. Hummel, I think you'll find that everything is perfectly fine."
Mercedes looked like she was about to object.
"And anyway," Blaine said, not above manipulation (he was a mob boss in training, after all), "If Kurt really is in trouble the way you all seem to think, shouldn't you inform his parents before you do anything else?"
NEXT