Naruto: To Be Held (SasuNaru)
Title: To Be Held
Pairing(s): SasuNaru/None
Warning(s): Takes place two months after Sasuke’s family is knocked off by his brother ^^;
Rating: G
Word Length: 1,493
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own the lyrics to the song Held by Natalie Grant.
Summary: Sometimes all he wanted was for someone to admit that it wasn’t fair and actually mean it.
To Be Held
Beyond the walls of his home, the wind outside was rough - biting. It was cold enough to rip through clothing - freeze a person until they were numb to the sensation.
Beyond the walls of his home, the world continued as if nothing had really happened. And though he’d never admit it, this hurt worse than any chill ever could.
Sasuke stared at the outside world from his window and couldn’t help the scowl of bitterness that formed on his face. Everyone was going about their lives completely oblivious to his loss, and it wasn’t fair.
The young boy punched his wall angrily, trying not to remember what had happened on this day exactly two months ago. But he couldn’t forget.
And he just wanted someone to admit that it wasn’t fair - and mean it.
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
Sometimes, when he dreamed, Sasuke saw his mother in the moments before she died; he saw her in a way that could never resemble the scene Itachi had forced him to endure. What he saw - what his mind showed him - was horrible, maybe even worse than what he’d been exposed to by Itachi, but it gave him comfort.
When he dreamed of her, Sasuke saw a woman standing strong and sturdy, staring at her eldest son, and trying hard to blink back tears as she shielded the form of her youngest. Even though he knew it was only his imagination, sometimes he even heard her voice.
And she’d always say the same thing.
“Don’t take me away from him…”
Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.
The window was beginning to fog under the constant onslaught of Sasuke’s fluttered breaths - and the wind was still crisp as snow and sharp as ice.
He stepped back, away from the reminder of how life continued to go on, and quietly padded from the sterile comfort of his parents’ room to the dining room. Instead of moving through the house, and avoiding the wind beyond his walls, Sasuke stepped out onto the porch surrounding the house.
His breath caught at the frozen ache that gripped his bared arms and slowly peeled and sliced and -- he began to walk, keeping his eyes trained on absolutely nothing but the haze of moisture the stiff wind was forcing to his eyes.
The wood was like a thousand pinpricks of pain upon the soft flesh of his feet, and Sasuke suddenly stopped to indulge in the sensation of actually feeling because it had been so long - two months - since he’d been alive.
He hated the truth that a part of him had died in order to keep the whole of him alive. Self-sacrifice was pathetic; and sometimes, when he was all alone with nothing but his thoughts, he allowed himself to hate his parents for not fighting back and for sacrificing themselves so he could live.
Until the day he died, he’d want to tell them that he had never asked to be rescued.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
Somehow, Sasuke’s journey to the dining room had escaped his mind, and the boy ended up wandering the empty streets of the Uchiha neighbourhood. He was still in nothing but thin pants and a loose tee that proudly displayed symbol of the shattered Uchiha clan.
He wasn’t quite sure where he was going - in fact, he had no idea. But his feet kept moving, and his mind was too exhausted to question why he didn’t just turn around and curl up in front of the fireplace.
And it was so cold and a hand - his own - was grabbing him and holding him in place - submitting him to the bitter pain of torture. He tried to deny that the hand holding him still and making him stand in the painful cold was his own, because he knew that people only hurt themselves while indulged in self-pity.
Uchiha’s did not partake in such self-obsessed emotions.
So he continued walking, because he was an Uchiha - strong and resilient and proud.
When his feet eventually stopped, Sasuke’s eyes took in the scene surrounding him. He was surprised to see that he was standing before The Bridge.
The one where his father had told him that he had done well.
A pained smile passed his lips briefly, but vanished when he saw the orange form seated at the edge of the bridge - attention locked on the rippling waters.
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
Naruto’s head lifted and turned and he smiled when his eye caught Sasuke’s. The Uchiha, however, could not quite carve his own lips into a smile.
Yet, Naruto wasn’t deterred. He waved Sasuke over and the boy advanced slowly - tentatively - because there was a warmth in Naruto’s eyes that he hadn’t seen in two months - and it scared him.
“You stupid or something? Why aren’t you wearing shoes and a jacket?” Naruto asked in a chiding tone as Sasuke awkwardly sat down beside him, unsure of what to say.
He stared over the waters and let out a deep breath, staying silent and stiff because he didn’t really know Naruto that well. He only knew that the blond was an idiot and that everyone hated him.
“What’re you doing out here, anyway?”
Sasuke looked at Naruto from the corner of his eye and opened his mouth to speak, but found he wasn’t quite sure what to say. He didn’t really know why he was outside.
Naruto laughed, his voice soft and gentle as he said, “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing here either. Just went for a walk and kind of ended up at this bridge.”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at this and asked quietly, “Why here?” His voice was rough on his throat and he winced at the sound, which had been admittedly unexpected.
“I just like it here,” Naruto conceded with a shrug, then turned to stare at Sasuke outright and suddenly said, “You’re gonna freeze.”
“I’m okay.” His voice was so small and scared, even though he wasn’t. Yet, he shrunk away from Naruto’s confident stare and tried to smile, even if he knew he couldn’t.
A warm hand gripped his shoulder and Sasuke jumped, turning two surprised eyes on Naruto as the blond said, “It’s not fair, you know.”
And Sasuke pulled away a bit, hoping that Naruto wasn’t going to bring that up. He said nothing because his stomach was tightening and he was sure he was going to be sick from the memories that just wouldn’t stop.
“I think what happened was stupid, and… it’s just not fair.”
And even though he hated that Naruto felt he had a right to comment on his tragedy, Sasuke couldn’t quite help but smile inside because he knew the boy had meant it.
It wasn’t fair.
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
Beyond the walls of Naruto’s home, the wind outside was rough - biting. It was cold enough to rip through clothing - freeze a person until they were numb to the sensation.
The blond placed a hot mug of tea in front of Sasuke’s shivering form on the couch and sat down beside him quietly.
The boys were engulfed in an air of awkward tension because neither quite knew what to do or say - and yet, they both had so many words filling their mouths.
Sasuke trembled and looked at Naruto with a haunted expression because he supposed that perhaps this boy understood. And Naruto stared back, a comforting smile in his eyes.
And then he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Sasuke, the movement tense, and strange, and unwelcome. The dark-haired Uchiha went stiff and didn’t move - didn’t raise his arms to return the hug.
He simply sat there, stunned and rigid.
Not because he didn’t want the contact - well partially because he didn’t want the contact - but more so because he was overwhelmed by the sudden sense of fulfillment coursing through him.
Because this was what it had felt like when his mother had tucked him into bed. And how it had felt when she had told him that he was the sunrise and sunset to her world, and that she loved him.
He was unable to do anything because he knew that this was what it was to be held.
Pairing(s): SasuNaru/None
Warning(s): Takes place two months after Sasuke’s family is knocked off by his brother ^^;
Rating: G
Word Length: 1,493
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own the lyrics to the song Held by Natalie Grant.
Summary: Sometimes all he wanted was for someone to admit that it wasn’t fair and actually mean it.
To Be Held
Beyond the walls of his home, the wind outside was rough - biting. It was cold enough to rip through clothing - freeze a person until they were numb to the sensation.
Beyond the walls of his home, the world continued as if nothing had really happened. And though he’d never admit it, this hurt worse than any chill ever could.
Sasuke stared at the outside world from his window and couldn’t help the scowl of bitterness that formed on his face. Everyone was going about their lives completely oblivious to his loss, and it wasn’t fair.
The young boy punched his wall angrily, trying not to remember what had happened on this day exactly two months ago. But he couldn’t forget.
And he just wanted someone to admit that it wasn’t fair - and mean it.
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
Sometimes, when he dreamed, Sasuke saw his mother in the moments before she died; he saw her in a way that could never resemble the scene Itachi had forced him to endure. What he saw - what his mind showed him - was horrible, maybe even worse than what he’d been exposed to by Itachi, but it gave him comfort.
When he dreamed of her, Sasuke saw a woman standing strong and sturdy, staring at her eldest son, and trying hard to blink back tears as she shielded the form of her youngest. Even though he knew it was only his imagination, sometimes he even heard her voice.
And she’d always say the same thing.
“Don’t take me away from him…”
Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.
The window was beginning to fog under the constant onslaught of Sasuke’s fluttered breaths - and the wind was still crisp as snow and sharp as ice.
He stepped back, away from the reminder of how life continued to go on, and quietly padded from the sterile comfort of his parents’ room to the dining room. Instead of moving through the house, and avoiding the wind beyond his walls, Sasuke stepped out onto the porch surrounding the house.
His breath caught at the frozen ache that gripped his bared arms and slowly peeled and sliced and -- he began to walk, keeping his eyes trained on absolutely nothing but the haze of moisture the stiff wind was forcing to his eyes.
The wood was like a thousand pinpricks of pain upon the soft flesh of his feet, and Sasuke suddenly stopped to indulge in the sensation of actually feeling because it had been so long - two months - since he’d been alive.
He hated the truth that a part of him had died in order to keep the whole of him alive. Self-sacrifice was pathetic; and sometimes, when he was all alone with nothing but his thoughts, he allowed himself to hate his parents for not fighting back and for sacrificing themselves so he could live.
Until the day he died, he’d want to tell them that he had never asked to be rescued.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
Somehow, Sasuke’s journey to the dining room had escaped his mind, and the boy ended up wandering the empty streets of the Uchiha neighbourhood. He was still in nothing but thin pants and a loose tee that proudly displayed symbol of the shattered Uchiha clan.
He wasn’t quite sure where he was going - in fact, he had no idea. But his feet kept moving, and his mind was too exhausted to question why he didn’t just turn around and curl up in front of the fireplace.
And it was so cold and a hand - his own - was grabbing him and holding him in place - submitting him to the bitter pain of torture. He tried to deny that the hand holding him still and making him stand in the painful cold was his own, because he knew that people only hurt themselves while indulged in self-pity.
Uchiha’s did not partake in such self-obsessed emotions.
So he continued walking, because he was an Uchiha - strong and resilient and proud.
When his feet eventually stopped, Sasuke’s eyes took in the scene surrounding him. He was surprised to see that he was standing before The Bridge.
The one where his father had told him that he had done well.
A pained smile passed his lips briefly, but vanished when he saw the orange form seated at the edge of the bridge - attention locked on the rippling waters.
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
Naruto’s head lifted and turned and he smiled when his eye caught Sasuke’s. The Uchiha, however, could not quite carve his own lips into a smile.
Yet, Naruto wasn’t deterred. He waved Sasuke over and the boy advanced slowly - tentatively - because there was a warmth in Naruto’s eyes that he hadn’t seen in two months - and it scared him.
“You stupid or something? Why aren’t you wearing shoes and a jacket?” Naruto asked in a chiding tone as Sasuke awkwardly sat down beside him, unsure of what to say.
He stared over the waters and let out a deep breath, staying silent and stiff because he didn’t really know Naruto that well. He only knew that the blond was an idiot and that everyone hated him.
“What’re you doing out here, anyway?”
Sasuke looked at Naruto from the corner of his eye and opened his mouth to speak, but found he wasn’t quite sure what to say. He didn’t really know why he was outside.
Naruto laughed, his voice soft and gentle as he said, “Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing here either. Just went for a walk and kind of ended up at this bridge.”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at this and asked quietly, “Why here?” His voice was rough on his throat and he winced at the sound, which had been admittedly unexpected.
“I just like it here,” Naruto conceded with a shrug, then turned to stare at Sasuke outright and suddenly said, “You’re gonna freeze.”
“I’m okay.” His voice was so small and scared, even though he wasn’t. Yet, he shrunk away from Naruto’s confident stare and tried to smile, even if he knew he couldn’t.
A warm hand gripped his shoulder and Sasuke jumped, turning two surprised eyes on Naruto as the blond said, “It’s not fair, you know.”
And Sasuke pulled away a bit, hoping that Naruto wasn’t going to bring that up. He said nothing because his stomach was tightening and he was sure he was going to be sick from the memories that just wouldn’t stop.
“I think what happened was stupid, and… it’s just not fair.”
And even though he hated that Naruto felt he had a right to comment on his tragedy, Sasuke couldn’t quite help but smile inside because he knew the boy had meant it.
It wasn’t fair.
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
Beyond the walls of Naruto’s home, the wind outside was rough - biting. It was cold enough to rip through clothing - freeze a person until they were numb to the sensation.
The blond placed a hot mug of tea in front of Sasuke’s shivering form on the couch and sat down beside him quietly.
The boys were engulfed in an air of awkward tension because neither quite knew what to do or say - and yet, they both had so many words filling their mouths.
Sasuke trembled and looked at Naruto with a haunted expression because he supposed that perhaps this boy understood. And Naruto stared back, a comforting smile in his eyes.
And then he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Sasuke, the movement tense, and strange, and unwelcome. The dark-haired Uchiha went stiff and didn’t move - didn’t raise his arms to return the hug.
He simply sat there, stunned and rigid.
Not because he didn’t want the contact - well partially because he didn’t want the contact - but more so because he was overwhelmed by the sudden sense of fulfillment coursing through him.
Because this was what it had felt like when his mother had tucked him into bed. And how it had felt when she had told him that he was the sunrise and sunset to her world, and that she loved him.
He was unable to do anything because he knew that this was what it was to be held.