I wrote Xmas fic.
Haha, so wolfshirts maybe ate my brain a little, with this post which talks about mall santa/mall elves in the comments. So, here, have about 1000 words of Frank the mall elf. It's pretty much G rated, and a maybe a little Frank/Bob if you squint and turn your head right. It's unbeta'd and my only excuse for this is that my brain is fried from calculus revision.
The Mall Santa Fic.
G
Frank/Bob if you really want, mostly Gen.
~1000 words.
It's the beginning of November and Frank hates, hates more than anything else ever, except maybe the junior high maths teacher who gave him detention for drawing tattoos on his arms in biro, that there's already tinsel up all over the stores.
He tries to explain this to Mikey once or twice, but Mikey just gets a little distracted and starts talking about how maybe they should put up Christmas lights this year, and Frank has to change the subject really quickly, because, y'know, they've learned their lesson about Mikey and anything electrical.
Anyway, the upshot of it is, Frank hates how Christmas has been sprung on him in November. It's not right, dammit, and ok, maybe he's a little biased, because he hasn't done any Christmas shopping, and it's looking increasingly likely it'll be a food or presents? situation come the week before Christmas. Basically, Frank loves Christmas, in theory, but not in practise. And definitely not in November.
Which is why, when he ends up talking to Gerard, Mikey's crazy (but strangely attractive) older brother he has a fairly violent reaction when Gerard suggests he can hook Frank up with a job helping out the Mall Santa to earn enough money to buy Christmas presents and food. Gerard's been telling him about how he talked his way into decorating Santa's grotto, and taking the photos, because he convinced the manager that his fine arts degree made him ideally qualified for this, and now he's looking at Frank kind of appraisingly. "I think you'd make a good elf, actually. You're the right height for it..." he begins.
Frank splutters something that might have been "OH HELL NO!!" but comes out more as a series of choked gasps, because he just, JUST, managed to avoid spraying hot coffee all over Gerard in his horror. Gerard seems to be taking that as an enthusiastic yes, because he’s picking up his coffee and leaving and nodding and saying he’ll call Frank and tell him when to come in, and while Frank’s sinuses are still burning from the unwelcome addition of piping hot coffee he doesn’t get a chance to say otherwise.
Which is how Frank comes to be dressed in a green velvet suit, with a hat, and curly toed shoes, and a deeply, deeply, unimpressed look, in the almost deserted mall at 9am. Gerard’s already there, setting up his camera, and explaining what Frank’s job will be. “So, really, you just keep them from freaking out when they leave their parents, and walk them up to ‘Santa’, make sure they’re facing the right way and smiling for the photo and take them back to their parents. It’s easy.”
Right, thinks Frank. It’ll be easy. He likes kids, how hard can it be?
“Why aren’t your ears pointy?” demands a small child for the third time in as many minutes.
“I’m just not that kind of elf,” explains Frank, “I’m from a warmer part of the North pole. We have ears just like you.” Frank came up with this in his first ten minutes, and is secretly quite proud of his explanation. “Come on now, let’s get you to Santa.” He walks the kid up to Santa, who introduced himself to Frank as Bob.
“Ho ho ho, and what would you like for Christmas, little boy?” Asks Bob, leaning forward, and managing to make the enormous white beard he’s hidden behind look jovial rather than scary. Frank is actually quite impressed- it’s been three hours and only four kids have started to cry so far.
“A Playstation, and a puppy and a sleigh like yours, Santa.” Frank has to admit, it’s a little more realistic than some he’s heard today.
“Well, I’ll see what I can do for you.” Says Bob, nodding and smiling.
Frank crouches down to the kid’s level. “How about you turn around, and give the camera over there a big smile, so your Mummy can have a really nice picture of you and Santa, hmm?”
***
It’s four hours in, and Frank’s sick of the suit already, and he doesn’t think he could do this every day, but maybe a couple of days a week wouldn’t be too bad. He’s eating lunch with Bob, and they’re both in some employee lunch room deep inside the mall, because, as Bob explained to Frank, if he eats outside he gets swamped with kids who want to come and talk to ‘Santa’, which, ok, it’s cute to begin with, but sometimes you just want to eat a sandwich in peace, right?
And it turns out that Bob, while he’s kind of quiet, is also one of the most awesome people Frank’s ever met. He has this thing going on, where he’s sort of silently amused by all the crazy stuff Frank says and does. There’s this lull every day at about 2.30pm, where there aren’t many kids about, because they’ve all gone with their parents to pick up older brothers and sisters from school, so Frank can usually run off to buy them both coffee so they’re suitably prepared for the 3.30pm rush of all the kids getting out of school.
Bob would never admit it to anyone, but he maybe finds it pretty cute when Frank’s bouncing off the walls just as much as the kids because he’s had a bit too much coffee, and the kids are so happy that they’ve found Santa’s most hyperactive elf who really shares their joy at getting to meet The Santa.
And Frank would never admit it to anyone, but he maybe, kind of, just a little, doesn’t mind Christmas starting in November if it means he gets to spend two months hanging out with Bob. Hell, he'll get used to the velvet suit in time.
The Mall Santa Fic.
G
Frank/Bob if you really want, mostly Gen.
~1000 words.
It's the beginning of November and Frank hates, hates more than anything else ever, except maybe the junior high maths teacher who gave him detention for drawing tattoos on his arms in biro, that there's already tinsel up all over the stores.
He tries to explain this to Mikey once or twice, but Mikey just gets a little distracted and starts talking about how maybe they should put up Christmas lights this year, and Frank has to change the subject really quickly, because, y'know, they've learned their lesson about Mikey and anything electrical.
Anyway, the upshot of it is, Frank hates how Christmas has been sprung on him in November. It's not right, dammit, and ok, maybe he's a little biased, because he hasn't done any Christmas shopping, and it's looking increasingly likely it'll be a food or presents? situation come the week before Christmas. Basically, Frank loves Christmas, in theory, but not in practise. And definitely not in November.
Which is why, when he ends up talking to Gerard, Mikey's crazy (but strangely attractive) older brother he has a fairly violent reaction when Gerard suggests he can hook Frank up with a job helping out the Mall Santa to earn enough money to buy Christmas presents and food. Gerard's been telling him about how he talked his way into decorating Santa's grotto, and taking the photos, because he convinced the manager that his fine arts degree made him ideally qualified for this, and now he's looking at Frank kind of appraisingly. "I think you'd make a good elf, actually. You're the right height for it..." he begins.
Frank splutters something that might have been "OH HELL NO!!" but comes out more as a series of choked gasps, because he just, JUST, managed to avoid spraying hot coffee all over Gerard in his horror. Gerard seems to be taking that as an enthusiastic yes, because he’s picking up his coffee and leaving and nodding and saying he’ll call Frank and tell him when to come in, and while Frank’s sinuses are still burning from the unwelcome addition of piping hot coffee he doesn’t get a chance to say otherwise.
Which is how Frank comes to be dressed in a green velvet suit, with a hat, and curly toed shoes, and a deeply, deeply, unimpressed look, in the almost deserted mall at 9am. Gerard’s already there, setting up his camera, and explaining what Frank’s job will be. “So, really, you just keep them from freaking out when they leave their parents, and walk them up to ‘Santa’, make sure they’re facing the right way and smiling for the photo and take them back to their parents. It’s easy.”
Right, thinks Frank. It’ll be easy. He likes kids, how hard can it be?
“Why aren’t your ears pointy?” demands a small child for the third time in as many minutes.
“I’m just not that kind of elf,” explains Frank, “I’m from a warmer part of the North pole. We have ears just like you.” Frank came up with this in his first ten minutes, and is secretly quite proud of his explanation. “Come on now, let’s get you to Santa.” He walks the kid up to Santa, who introduced himself to Frank as Bob.
“Ho ho ho, and what would you like for Christmas, little boy?” Asks Bob, leaning forward, and managing to make the enormous white beard he’s hidden behind look jovial rather than scary. Frank is actually quite impressed- it’s been three hours and only four kids have started to cry so far.
“A Playstation, and a puppy and a sleigh like yours, Santa.” Frank has to admit, it’s a little more realistic than some he’s heard today.
“Well, I’ll see what I can do for you.” Says Bob, nodding and smiling.
Frank crouches down to the kid’s level. “How about you turn around, and give the camera over there a big smile, so your Mummy can have a really nice picture of you and Santa, hmm?”
***
It’s four hours in, and Frank’s sick of the suit already, and he doesn’t think he could do this every day, but maybe a couple of days a week wouldn’t be too bad. He’s eating lunch with Bob, and they’re both in some employee lunch room deep inside the mall, because, as Bob explained to Frank, if he eats outside he gets swamped with kids who want to come and talk to ‘Santa’, which, ok, it’s cute to begin with, but sometimes you just want to eat a sandwich in peace, right?
And it turns out that Bob, while he’s kind of quiet, is also one of the most awesome people Frank’s ever met. He has this thing going on, where he’s sort of silently amused by all the crazy stuff Frank says and does. There’s this lull every day at about 2.30pm, where there aren’t many kids about, because they’ve all gone with their parents to pick up older brothers and sisters from school, so Frank can usually run off to buy them both coffee so they’re suitably prepared for the 3.30pm rush of all the kids getting out of school.
Bob would never admit it to anyone, but he maybe finds it pretty cute when Frank’s bouncing off the walls just as much as the kids because he’s had a bit too much coffee, and the kids are so happy that they’ve found Santa’s most hyperactive elf who really shares their joy at getting to meet The Santa.
And Frank would never admit it to anyone, but he maybe, kind of, just a little, doesn’t mind Christmas starting in November if it means he gets to spend two months hanging out with Bob. Hell, he'll get used to the velvet suit in time.