Worlds That Never Were ~ Chapter 4
Please see the fic
masterpost for warnings and other information.
Castiel dreams of a night with Dean, one of many spent on the
run from Raphael and Michaels forces, but like no other.
Sam isnt with them on this night, having retreated to the
bunker, needing a safe place to recover physically and
emotionally from the fallout of Rubys betrayal, and their
subsequent capture and escape. Castiel had gone with Dean in the
opposite direction, to throw Michael and Lucifer off the trail,
finding an abandoned house to hunker down in for a while. But
exactly how they end up at a brothel is beyond Castiels
remembering.
He has a vague recollection of a highly awkward conversation,
during which he may have revealed his total and complete
inexperience with intimate relations. But everything in between
leaving the safety of that old rickety house, and finding himself
sitting in a brothel amongst scantily clad women, passes in numb
dread so paralyzing that Castiel barely even tastes the
entire jug of beer he consumes, its liquid courage wasted on him.
There is a woman, pretty and pleasing, and fittingly named
Chastity, though Castiel cant find the humor in that. Not
when hes near frozen with anxiety and nerves. He considers
running, grabbing Dean and flying away
But then he
remembers that Dean brought him here to help him, so that Castiel
can experience something that Dean and so many others find
enjoyable. And for the sake of their friendship, Castiel wants to
try.
He lets Chastity sit him down on the edge of her bed, lets her
climb into his lap and press up against him. Hes still not
sure he understands the appeal, but he trusts Dean, and if Dean
says its something worth experiencing, then Castiel will
keep letting her. She presses closer, her breath hot and moist
against his neck, her arms twining around his shoulders, but
Castiel still doesnt know what to do with his hands. He
imagines Dean would know exactly what to do, how to touch and
feel and trace every inch of bared skin, how to move together,
press and pull and
then Chastitys teeth close around
Castiels earlobe, and his wings instantly explode, ripping
into existence so suddenly, Chastity screams in fright. She
scrambles off his lap, eyeing Castiels wings with horror as
she runs from the room.
Her horror chills Castiel to the core, reminding him exactly
why he never allows himself to be close to anyone in the first
place. He tries to pull himself together, shrouding his wings
again before anyone else sees, but its too late. Dean comes
running at the sound of Chastitys screams, and when he sees
Castiels wings he stumbles in his tracks, jaw dropping at
the sight.
Well, Dean grins, I guess
wing-job wasnt on the menu, he chuckles.
Castiel releases a breath he didnt realize he was
holding, before Dean grabs onto him, and they make a hasty
retreat.
Is that why youve never been with anyone before?
Because of your wings? Dean asks when they return to the
abandoned house theyve been hiding in.
Yes, Castiel replies quietly. Its
difficult to control them, and most humans do not react well to
such an obvious mutation. You yourself saw Chastitys
reaction tonight, he explains, his shrouded wings bristling
against his back.
But what about other mutants? Dean presses.
Most of the mutants Ive known were my
family, Castiel replies. And as for the rest, I
suppose my wings were simply too
unappealing, he
says, feeling his wings flatten around himself. Its true.
His wings are ugly. So black that they suck in the very light
around them, like a dark, empty void.
Thats bullshit, Dean snarls.
Youre wings are amazing, Cas, and dont let
nobody tell you anything different, he says, indignant
anger in his eyes. I mean, I thought I was imagining things
the first few times I saw them cause they were just
just
Dean shakes his head, at a loss for words. When
he looks up to meet Castiels eyes again, his anger suddenly
deflates with an huffed exhale. Show them to me, Dean
asks urgently, stepping forward to grip his arms.
What? Castiel balks in surprise, trying to step
back but not able to go anywhere in Deans tight grip.
Please, Dean says, nothing but earnest
determination in his eyes.
Castiel finds his wings unfolding before he even makes the
decision, flaring into existence from their plane of
invisibility. Castiel cant remember the last time he
purposely unsheathed his wings in front of another person, and
they tremble and twitch nervously under Deans gaze.
Theyre so black, Dean breathes, his grip
going slack around Castiels arms. And though
Deans voice is filled with awe, Castiel cant help it,
he cringes at the words. But Dean doesnt stop there,
telling Castiel in a reverent whisper that, Its like
looking at the night sky. Like the entire Universe is in your
wings. Theyre beautiful, Cas.
Castiel feels a warmth spread through him at that, though he
doesnt know whether its from Deans words or
Deans body, standing so close to his own. Deans hands
find their grip again, squeezing Castiels shoulders and
drawing his gaze upward, to find Deans eyes not on his
wings anymore, but on his face, eyes searching his own.
Youre beau-- Dean begins to say, but Castiel
lurches forward, covering Deans mouth with his own, and
stealing the words from his very lips.
Did Chastity kiss him like this? Castiel cant remember.
But soon he doesnt care. Nothing before this matters. No
kiss before could ever compare to this. He wants to stay right
here, in this moment, losing himself in the heady press of lips
and tongues and warmth forever.
Castiel spares one last thought for Chastity to remember the
way she guided him onto her bed and climbed into his lap, using
the knowledge to push Dean back towards the old mattress on the
floor, and settle on top of him. Then its all new from
there, all theirs alone.
Can I touch them? Dean asks breathlessly,
Please?
Oh! Castiel gasps at the thought. Yes!
And he was right. Dean does know exactly what to do with his
hands. Even though Castiel has never let anyone do this to him
before, Dean still finds all the right places to touch, in all
the right ways.
Do you like that? Dean asks as he massages the
arches of his shoulder feathers, or buries his fingers in the
soft undersides of his secondary feathers stroking and
caressing until Castiel is so incoherent, he barely even notices
Dean moving on until his hands find the next way to turn Castiel
into a moaning mess.
They are naked before long, rolling and pressing together atop
the rough army blankets theyd used to cover the old
mattress, and Deans exploration of his wings traverses to
his skin, discovering all the right places to touch him there as
well the peaked bud of his nipple, the hard cut of his
hip, the soft inside of his thigh with deft fingers and a
clever mouth Dean unravels Castiel as if hes always known
how.
Castiel wishes he knew what to do to make Dean feel the same
way. But his inexperienced hands fist in the blankets instead,
his wings shuddering with indecision. He wants to curl them
around Deans back as Dean lays on top of him, hold Dean
close and shelter him from the cold drafts of the house. He wants
to stroke Deans skin with his feathers, make Dean shiver
the same way he does, with the slightest brush of Deans
fingertips. He wants to arch his back and flare his wings to
their full spread as Dean sucks his length into the wet warmth of
his mouth. And when Dean touches him inside with slick fingers,
finding the most responsive place in his body yet, Castiels
wings beat against the mattress with the beginnings of flight.
Do you like that? Dean whispers again, though this
time he seems hesitant. Is this
okay? he asks,
fingers rubbing just softly inside.
Yes! Castiel gasps. The only answer that has
fallen from his lips since he felt Deans mouth against
them.
Are you sure? We can do other things, Cas. We dont
have to do this now, Dean murmurs, brows furrowed with
concern even though his eyes are blown with need.
Yes we do, Castiel replies quietly, his hands
winding around Deans shoulders and holding him tight. For
all they know, Raphael could find them tomorrow morning, and they
could be separated, or worse. Living on the run like they are,
theres no telling what the next day might bring, or if
there will be a next day at all. Tonight could be their only
chance for this, their last chance to be together, and Castiel
doesnt want to let it go.
He doesnt have to say these things for Dean to
understand. He can see in Deans eyes that Dean is just as
aware of the fleeting nature of their lives. And whats
more, he can see just how badly Dean wants this as well.
Its just
I dont want to hurt you,
Cas, Dean murmurs. Ive never done this with a
man before, he admits softly.
You havent? Castiel replies, incredulous.
The way Deans handled him all night, touched him, its
like Deans had a map to his body. That this is the first
time Deans touched a man is the last thing Castiel expected
to hear. But he can barely entertain the thought of Dean touching
someone other than him either. Castiel takes comfort in the fact
that tonight, theyre both virgins, in a way.
Ive never wanted to be with a man before. But I
want you. I want this, Dean murmurs. Hell, I
havent been able to stop thinking about it since before we
left for the brothel, he huffs.
Castiel smiles, sliding his hand up Deans neck to cup
his cheek. I want this too, Dean. I think I have for a
while now, he admits, the realization dawning on him.
I want everything. I trust you, Castiel tells him.
And thats how its always been with them. All in or
nothing at all. No in between. No going slow. Everything for
Dean.
With Dean buried inside him, Deans fingers buried in his
wings, Castiel has never felt so close to another person before.
They move as one, breath as one, feel as one, and he doesnt
think he will ever be able to separate himself again. Nor does he
want to. Dean overwhelms his body with such sensation, and fills
him so full of feeling, its not long before Castiel flies
apart, losing himself in it completely.
When he finds himself again, its in the cradle of
Deans arms, boneless and sated and more relaxed than he can
remember being in his entire life. He understands now how such
pleasures could easily become addicting.
Did you like that? Dean asks, chewing on his lip
with a nervousness thats wholly unnecessary.
Yes, Castiel replies without hesitation, smiling
open and honest.
What did you like best? Dean quirks an eyebrow, a
small smile forming on his lips in return.
Everything, Castiel grins. But I think I
like your kisses most of all.
Dean grins back at him at that, wide and bright, before
leaning in to kiss him again, and Castiel hums contentedly in his
throat as he wraps his arms around Deans neck.
They trade kisses for what seems like hours, though it could
be just minutes, their lips becoming lazy and slow with sleep.
Dean nods off first, breath still warm on Castiels lips,
still nuzzled together on their makeshift pillow. And as Castiel
watches over Deans sleeping form, in the drafty dark of
that abandoned house, he wonders how he has ever lived without
the comforting warmth of Deans body against his own.
He thinks thats when he realizes hes in love with
Dean Winchester. That he always has been. And the memory of it
makes him ache.
Castiel dreams of a world where Dean lives long enough for
Castiel to tell him.
The next time Dean finds himself strapped to the examination
table, he is much less talkative. Castiel had appeared that
morning, grumpier than usual, with dark bags under his eyes, and
Dean recognized the signs that Castiel barely slept the night
before. The sight left Dean torn between the desire to comfort
Castiel, and the hope that maybe he was finally getting to the
man. Castiel even threatened to gag Dean if he didnt keep
silent today. So Dean is voluntarily keeping his mouth shut,
biding his time until a better idea comes along.
But without any other distractions, all Dean can do is watch
Castiel, wondering at the differences between this world and his
own. He realizes that if this Castiel doesnt know where the
bunker is, it means the Dean here never brought him there. Which
means wherever their paths diverged between his world and the
next, that part of their life together never happened.
And it was such a good part of their life. Sure, they were always
in and out of the place, dealing with one crisis after another,
but it was their home. And he just doesnt know how to prove
that to Castiel without giving away its location and destroying
the Resistance movement here.
Until all of a sudden, he does.
I can prove it! he blurts out, abrupt in the silent
room.
Castiel sighs heavily, looking away from his computer screen to
arch an eyebrow at him. Prove what?
Me! Us! Dean exhales.
Castiel sighs again, waiting.
My phone, Dean explains. If you can find out a
way to charge it, there are pictures, videos
And a
great number of them were taken in various parts of the bunker
the library, the kitchen, even the war-room all
large spaces with no windows, clearly underground.
Videos, Castiel echoes, arching an eyebrow. Dean
suddenly feels himself flushing, realizing the implications of
what hes just said.
Its not what you think, he replies quickly.
But its enough.
Castiel thinks about that for a second, before he appears to come
to some decision, nodding. He picks up a nearby phone which seems
to be some kind of intercom system, and dials an internal number.
Charlie, Castiel says into the phone, and Dean blinks
in surprise. He wonders if its the same Charlie he knows
from his world. If you could please come down, I have
something I need you to look at, Castiel says.
Its a long time before Castiel speaks again, and then
its with a slightly irritated, Thank you. And
it seems polite enough, but Dean knows Cas too well miss it.
Judging by the extended silence on his end before-hand, he
mustve been subjected to quite an amount of rambling. Which
means its definitely the same Charlie.
So
You have a Charlie here too, Dean grins,
suddenly excited at the thought of seeing her. Petite
redhead? Technopathic abilities? Into the ladies?
Yes, Castiel replies distractedly, rummaging through
his desk drawer.
But she thinks youre pretty dreamy anyway, huh?
Dean ventures a guess.
Castiel immediately begins to turn red, and Dean knows he guessed
right. He chuckles.
Yeah, I knew her pretty well in my world too, he says
fondly. She was kind of like the little sister I never knew
I wanted.
I see, Castiel replies quietly. He doesnt add
anything more than that, finally finding Deans phone and
pulling it out of the drawer. Right on cue, Charlie arrives, and
shes just the same as in Deans world, Star Wars
t-shirt and all. Though its mostly covered by one of those
generic white lab coats, and shes a lot more jittery than
the Charlie he knows. Her eyes go wide when she sees him, but
hes not sure if thats because she actually knew the
other him here or if she only knows him by reputation.
Oh, hey, Commander, is that the shifter that came in from
the Camp? Hes pretty good. Looks just like Dean
Winchesters pictures.
Yes, well
Castiel frowns.
Is he one of Crowleys? Charlie continues.
I heard that some of Crowleys men were sighted in the
area. Do you think they might be here for him? she asks
worriedly.
Castiel stiffens. No, I believe Crowley is tied up with the
Lucifer loyalists in Jackson County at the moment.
Oh, right, Charlie frowns. Dean narrows his eyes. His
Cas was a terrible liar, and it seems this Castiel isnt
much better at it either. But Charlie doesnt seem to pick
up on anything. Either that or she just knows better than to
question the almighty Commander.
So, what can I help you with, boss? she asks.
Castiel hands her Deans phone. The technology is a
little
different, but if you could find a way to charge it
I would like to see whats on it.
Ill see what I can do, Charlie replies, taking
the phone from him and giving it a cursory once over. Oh, I
see what you mean about the technology being different, Ive
never seen a USR connection like this before. I mean, this is
beyond next gen, its just completely off the board. But I
think-- yeah it shouldnt be a problem if I just--
Thank you, Charlie, Castiel interrupts before she
gets carried away any further.
Uh, yeah, sure, boss, Charlie blinks out of her daze,
and Dean thinks he sees her actually swoon a little when she
looks up at Castiel. He bites down a laugh.
But Charlie, Castiel adds sternly, whatever
this phone contains is for my eyes only. Understood?
Yes, Commander, understood, Charlie replies,
shrinking away to make a hasty retreat and leaving Dean alone
with Castiel again.
She couldnt have been in the room for more than a few
moments, but she was a breath of fresh air, and Dean already
misses her. He hopes to God shes okay in his own world. He
hopes she made it to the safety of the bunker in time.
But seeing her also begins to fill Dean with hope. Shes
exactly the same as she was in Deans world. Bar a little
fear and subjugation. Just as Chuck was exactly the same as he
remembers. Benny as well. And a small-town sheriff in California
once told him that one is an incident, two is a coincidence, and
three is a pattern. So its not that far a stretch to think
that, deep down, Castiel might be similar as well. Maybe the
differences are only on the surface, merely the result of a few
bad choices. But at his core, he could still be the same. Still
be the same Cas that fell in love with him, and gave everything
for him. A Cas that could love him again.
When Charlie returns the next day, Dean can tell straight away
that shes seen all his files, despite being ordered not to
look. Theres just the slightest difference in the way she
looks at him, a little more wonder in her confusion, and Dean
knows shes put two and two together, and come up with five.
But its the blush on her face, and the way she keeps trying
not to glance between him and Castiel, that really gives it away.
So
uh
here you go then
Commander,
Charlie stammers awkwardly as she hands over the phone.
I hope it wasnt any trouble, Castiel replies,
narrowing his eyes at her suspiciously, and a small meeping sound
escapes her throat.
Nope! No trouble at all! she replies, laughing
nervously. Took longer to charge than it did to work it
out, she explains, and Dean snorts. Hes not
surprised. She was the one who worked out how to channel mutant
abilities to power the bunker after all. Now that Dean thinks of
it, it makes sense that shed be at this facility as well,
if theyre researching power manipulation here.
Thank you, Charlie, Castiel says. Its an
obvious dismissal, but she seems to be frozen on the spot, her
smile straining on her face.
Im sorry, but
is this real life? she
finally breaks, incredulous. I mean, theres
absolutely no sign of digital manipulation or tampering on those
files, and how is that even possible? Unless theyre all
shapeshifters? But then theyd have to be taking videos for years.
And its one thing to know about multiverse theory,
but seeing it in action is another thing entirely. I mean the way
you two are in that world is just--
Charlie, Castiel barks, interrupting her. What
videos? he grits out pointedly.
Huh? she blinks, confused for a moment. Oh,
right! she exclaims, finally understanding. Of
course, what videos? Not the videos I wasnt supposed
to look at, because you told me not to, not those. I have no idea
what youre talking about! she giggles helplessly.
Castiel narrows his eyes so far hes practically squinting
at her.
But uh, hypothetically, if this phone came from a
parallel world, it would explain why the technology is
different, she rambles on. But the differences are
mostly superficial. At heart its all essentially made of
the same stuff, she adds, and she shoots Dean a kind of
soft, small little smile after she says it, that tells him the
words are meant for him as well.
The same at heart.
Yeah, he gets what shes telling him. And it confirms
everything hes been hoping for. He returns her smile
gratefully.
Thank you, Charlie, that will be all, Castiel grinds
out.
Sure thing, Commander she says, finally backing
towards the door. Pleasure to help. Really. And if you ever
need me for anything, anything at all, she says,
glancing at Dean, you know where to find me. Even if you
just need someone to talk to about
those things that
I absolutely did not see--
Charlie.
Yep! Okay! Going now!
Once the door closes behind her, Castiel returns to his desk,
sitting down and turning his back to Dean before turning on the
phone. Dean can still see over Castiels shoulder though,
and he watches with bated breath as Castiel opens up the photo
gallery.
Its not just pictures hes taken himself in there,
its pictures that other people have taken and sent him as
well. Theres a few Sam sent of Dean and Cas sitting on park
benches, something they often did when they were on the road and
needed to take a break to stretch their legs. Theres a few
from a quiet lake theyd found one crisis-free weekend,
sitting on the dock where Dean tried to teach Cas how to fish.
One awkwardly posed picture of all of them in Bobbys old
living room that Bobby had set the timer for, the night before
Ellen and Jo died
Years worth of saved pictures,
telling their story so much more effectively than Dean could ever
explain in words, and Castiel looks at them all, expression
unreadable except for the uneven pattern of his breath.
The videos are even more damning, the body language between them
and the tone of their voices when they speak to each other
unmistakable. Especially at the bunker, where they move around
each other with such ease and
domesticity, even Dean
feels like hes intruding on something personal and
intimate. Even when the point of the video is something else
entirely like a recon video, or a recording of an
interrogation and theyre just interacting on the
periphery. But theres a few videos Dean took just for fun
Cas snoring softly in his sleep, Cas moaning happily
around one of Deans home-made burgers, Cas tilting his head
in confusion when a Casa Erotica video mysteriously starts
playing on his laptop
But its that first video from
the bunker that Deans watched the most.
It was the morning after Cas first night in the bunker. Cas
had looked so beautiful lying in his bed their bed
wings spread across the sheets, having left them
unshrouded the whole night, that Dean couldnt help but pull
out his phone to take a video. As Dean climbed on the bed to get
closer, though, the movement stirred Cas from his sleep, making
him blink his eyes open in confusion.
Dean? What are you doing? Cas had asked groggily,
though Dean could hear the smile in his voice.
Just wanted to remember the moment, hed
murmured in reply, and something softened in Cas eyes at
that.
Well then, Cas had said, cupping Deans face in
his hands and making Dean look up from the camera into his eyes.
Remember this: I love you, Dean Winchester. I always have,
and I always will, no matter what.
And even though Cas is looking at him instead of the camera, the
look in his eyes is still clear, and the certainty in his voice
is unmissable.
Yeah? Dean had replied, his voice shaky and
breathless in contrast, and Cas had smiled at him in response,
bright and open as he pulled Dean in for a kiss.
The phone gets forgotten then, but still manages to capture a
shot of Deans bruised face as he leans in to kiss Cas,
before getting lost in the sheets. And even though the sound is
muffled then, the camera still picks up Dean returning the words
in between kisses, before the clip ends.
Castiel stares silently at the screen after that, expression
still entirely unreadable, though his breathing seems even more
rapid than before.
Cas? Dean ventures softly, desperate for some kind of
reaction.
I
left my wings unsheathed? Castiel says in
small, stunned voice, staring absently at the now black screen. All
night?
Yeah, Dean replies softly. You did that a lot
after that night, he says. I guess you felt safe
there.
Castiels breath hitches in his throat at that, but he
doesnt look away from the phone.
Where did you get the bruises? he asks, fingers now
stroking the screen, though he seems unaware of what hes
doing.
That was after Lucifers crypt, Dean answers.
Castiel sucks in a sharp breath then, eyes whipping up towards
Dean, wide and alarmed. After? he gasps, the
word a harsh rasp in his throat.
Yeah. Dean frowns at the reaction.
Castiel stares wildly at him for a long moment, before he
abruptly stands up, and leaves the room.
Its dark in the cocoon of Cas feathers. So dark, Dean
can barely see Cas face, but for the light of the bedside
lamp, glowing around the edges of Cas wings. His entire
body aches, bruised and broken, but he barely notices it, wrapped
up in softness and safety and warmth.
He hadnt even bothered showing Cas where the spare rooms
were. As far as Deans concerned, his room is their
room now. The bunker is Cas home now too.
Im sorry, Cas whispers, riding Dean slow and
sweet and kissing his bruises in feather-light apology.
Shhh, Dean hushes him. It wasnt your
fault.
Maybe if Dean had brought him to the bunker sooner, Cas
wouldve been safe, protected. Dean shouldve known
theyd try anything to get to him.
I wasnt strong enough, Cas protests, curling
his wings ever more protectively around them.
Its okay. Youre here now. And hes
not letting Cas go until Bobby gives him the all-clear.
Were gonna work things out, he promises.
Dean, Ill never hurt you again. Ill do whatever
it takes to protect you, Cas promises in return.
I know, Cas, Dean croons, I know.
Dean, I
Cas chokes off, shuddering in
Deans arms.
Cas, Dean moans, overwhelmed by the look in Cas
eyes.
Dean knows this night. And he knows now what Cas was trying to
say in that moment. It was on the tip of his tongue too, in every
touch, in every kiss. But its not until the next morning
when Cas actually gets the words out, telling him for the first
time while Dean captured it on video with his crappy little
phone.
But for now, all Dean can do is hold Cas tight, hang on to every
moment he can. Lose himself in the memory of it, and pray that it
never ends.
Dean! Cas gasps, gripping Deans shoulders as he
slides down. Dean! he cries out again, eyes
fluttering shut as he throws his head back.
Cas, Dean groans, burying his face in
Cas skin.
Dean! Wake up!
Cas? Dean squints his eyes open in the dark. For a
long moment he doesnt understand that hes awake,
until he realizes its not his Cas face he
sees, hovering above him. Wha
?
Get up, Castiel orders, letting go of his shoulders.
Huh? Dean asks in confusion, still groggy with sleep.
Whats going on?
Its been days since Castiel has come for him, since seeing
that video. At least Dean thinks its been days. It
could have been weeks. Its felt like a small eternity, left
wallowing in his solitary cell, with nothing but padded walls to
look at, and the memory of Castiels face when hed
said, After?
After what? The crypt? Maybe something happened differently
around that event in this world. Maybe the very thing that made
their worlds diverge down such vastly different paths. But what?
He hasnt been able to stop thinking about it, running
Castiels reactions over and over in his head.
Quiet, Castiel hushes him, reaching forward to cuff
his wrists, as per usual. Though theres a distinct lack of
armed escort this time. Follow me, he murmurs,
leading Dean away from the cells. Dean doesnt argue,
playing the perfect prisoner for the night guards benefit
as he follows Castiel through the halls. Castiel doesnt
take Dean to his usual examination room though. Instead he takes
Dean down to the basement, which seems suspiciously lacking in
guards despite the number of security doors they have to go
through.
Finally they seem to reach their destination, stepping into what
looks much like a hospital room. In the lowered light Dean can
see a bed in the center, surrounded by various machines, silently
monitoring the patients vitals. Castiel steps up to the
side of the bed, waiting for Dean to join him, and when Dean
looks down, what he sees punches the air right out of his lungs.
Its his brother lying there, pale, unconscious, but alive.
Dean grips the railing on the side of the bed, trying to remember
how to breathe.
Whats wrong with him? he asks, unable to look
away.
There is a wall in his mind, cutting him off from
consciousness. It was the only way to control his power,
Castiel explains. I almost died getting him away from
Lucifer. Wherever I flew, Sam destroyed everything, burning the
earth and the very air around him. Sometimes I think I
shouldve let him die in the first blast. But I just
couldnt let go. The rest of the world didnt really
matter to me then. Not after
Castiel trails off.
Dean finally looks up, meeting Castiels gaze to find
determination blazing in his eyes.
Im going to get him out of here, Dean, Castiel
promises. I owe it to him. To both of you.
Dean nods, swallowing thickly against the lump in his throat.
The silence feels heavier on the walk back to his cell, his mind
weighed down with questions and the confusion and shock of
discovering his brother alive. Again.
Is this real? Dean gasps, praying that this
isnt another one of Zachariahs illusions.
Yes, Castiel replies sadly. Im
sorry.
But thats what youd say anyway, even if you are
an illusion, Dean sighs.
He doesnt really care anymore, though. He wants it to be
real.
Whatever. If this is an illusion at least let it be one of
Gabriels instead of Zachariahs, Dean says.
Castiel smiles at that. You always did say you preferred
Gabriels illusions.
You-- what? Dean breathes. You mean, you
believe me?
I think
Ive been trying not to believe since
the moment I saw you, Castiel whispers.
Cas, Dean grabs onto Castiels wrists.
Let me go, Castiel says tightly, though hes
making no effort to pull away.
Please, Dean replies, leaning closer. I need
you, he breathes, so close he can feel Castiels
breath on his lips.
No, Castiel growls, yanking out of Deans grasp
and turning away. Im not him, Castiel
says, running an agitated hand through his hair. The way
you look at me
You shouldnt. You dont
know--
I do know you, Cas, Dean hisses. This
world may be different from mine, but Ive seen enough to
know that I know you. And I know what we could be
together. I could be so good for you, Cas.
Castiel remains silent at that, and Dean tries to step closer,
but Castiels back goes completely rigid at the movement.
Cas, Dean tries again, more gently. I
dont know if you ever loved me in this world, but I know
whatever part of you loved me in my world is in you too. If you
just give me a chance, I know you could love me.
Castiel deflates at that, heaving a deep sigh. I
could, he replies softly. I did, he
adds. But I still killed you. And Sam destroyed the
world.
~ next