(no subject)
I feel foolish, all I ever do is push people away, push push push.
I open up a little, then boom, I lock you out. I don't know why I do this, because I'll I ever think about is why I don't have any friends, I blame other people. Constantly feel that I'm not good enough. When I know it's me that’s keeping people away.
I'm so damn mortified of being hurt, so I've built up my walls to immeasurable heights to keep out people. When what I really need is to be hurt, for my walls to be knocked down, leaving me venerable, and defenseless. I know if that happens, it's going to hurt.
Which brings me to the next thing.
I've gotten down the routine of second guessing everything. I don't know, I want to do so much but myself keeps me from doing the things that need to be done. You know, I wish I didn't question absolutely everything that I face.
I'm a chicken, too scared to live life. All I think about is the down side, the negatives to everything. Like, I can't do so much because I'm worried about what's going to happen if I fail.
but, you can sing and not be heard
you can sleep and not be watched
driving a thousand miles over untouched roads
running several days on the fuel of hope and certainty
who's going to meet you when you're there?
who's going to drive you home once you're done?
who's going to hear you when you sing?
who's going to watch you once you sleep?
you could be beautiful but not be the main attraction.
you could be everything and not mean anything.
That's my main problem: UNCERTIANTY