What They'd Give Just For the Right to Hold You ...
For those of you who have not read the therealljidol book and are new to my friends list, I have had a child.
She does not live with me nor have I seen her in person since a few days after her birth. While I do wonder about her often and almost was in touch with her last year, I know in my heart that her life has been massively better that I could have ever given to her, myself.
Should you wish to know the details of this story, please click on the link above. It clearly elucidates the circumstances that led to her being raised by another family.
During the last couple of months of my pregnancy, I somehow ran into my late Mother's best friend (T) and brought her up to speed on the whole situation. She was horrified at my decision to give the baby up. She kept insisting that once I actually experienced childbirth and held my baby that I would change my mind and keep her for myself.
While I repeatedly tried to assure her that this was not the case, she kept holding out hope that I would not follow through. However, she never offered me any assistance should I do this.
Not a bed to sleep in, rides to the doctor, or money to get food or any other necessities.
I imagine she thought that the child would be a small connection to her lost friend and she couldn't bear to grieve losing my mom again. I do understand her stance but I had already made up my mind about this and fully come to terms with the decision.
When the delivery actually occurred, I was accompanied not only by my best friend and the babies new mom but T was there too.
The labor was long and different than planned but I made it through and delivered a beautiful, healthy little girl. Everyone took turns adoring her while I was recovering, then T demanded that I hold the baby as I had not taken a turn yet.
While she was a wonderful sight to behold, after holding her for a few minutes I asked her new mom to "Take your baby". She never felt like mine but I was glad to have been part of her life and being.
I only saw T once more but it was a few years after that but she ignored me. I think she's never forgiven me for my choice but I still believe it was the best for all involved and have never regretted it one day of my life.
I hope you've enjoyed this week's therealljidol entry on the topic, “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time.” I would also like to note that, as with last week's entry, almost every word of content came from a dream I had last night.
TTFN!
She does not live with me nor have I seen her in person since a few days after her birth. While I do wonder about her often and almost was in touch with her last year, I know in my heart that her life has been massively better that I could have ever given to her, myself.
Should you wish to know the details of this story, please click on the link above. It clearly elucidates the circumstances that led to her being raised by another family.
During the last couple of months of my pregnancy, I somehow ran into my late Mother's best friend (T) and brought her up to speed on the whole situation. She was horrified at my decision to give the baby up. She kept insisting that once I actually experienced childbirth and held my baby that I would change my mind and keep her for myself.
While I repeatedly tried to assure her that this was not the case, she kept holding out hope that I would not follow through. However, she never offered me any assistance should I do this.
Not a bed to sleep in, rides to the doctor, or money to get food or any other necessities.
I imagine she thought that the child would be a small connection to her lost friend and she couldn't bear to grieve losing my mom again. I do understand her stance but I had already made up my mind about this and fully come to terms with the decision.
When the delivery actually occurred, I was accompanied not only by my best friend and the babies new mom but T was there too.
The labor was long and different than planned but I made it through and delivered a beautiful, healthy little girl. Everyone took turns adoring her while I was recovering, then T demanded that I hold the baby as I had not taken a turn yet.
While she was a wonderful sight to behold, after holding her for a few minutes I asked her new mom to "Take your baby". She never felt like mine but I was glad to have been part of her life and being.
I only saw T once more but it was a few years after that but she ignored me. I think she's never forgiven me for my choice but I still believe it was the best for all involved and have never regretted it one day of my life.
I hope you've enjoyed this week's therealljidol entry on the topic, “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time.” I would also like to note that, as with last week's entry, almost every word of content came from a dream I had last night.
TTFN!