The Natives are Restless... Listen, the Tribal Drums are Beating.
*speaking into voice-activated recorder*
The date is September 24, 2005, in the wee hours of the morning in the offices of the Slayer Chronicle in Sunnydale, California. This is Ryan Donnelly reporting, and Toto, we're definitely not in Kansas anymore. I am a stranger in a strange land... a land that seems to involve gratuitous nudity in the copy room and unusual noises and smells from the basement, as well as a large block of cheese, possibly Cheddar, possibly Cheshire.
Fortunately, my cubicle is in the corner, where I can keep my back to the wall. That may prove to be important as I watch the never-ending parade of yet another female reporter heeding to the siren song of the tattooed, swarthy and functionally illiterate person known as D'Angelo. Strange days, my friends. And now, to take my mind off of my fear that I will not get out of here alive, I bring you the news.
Giles ponders giant snakes and ripple effects of weird, wonky time travel. Couldn't be any more frightening than the atmosphere in this office.
Peter disses everyone from his haze of boredom. *yawn*
Jan saves her lollypop for when she wants something to suck on. You know what? No. It's just too cheap and easy, much like the ambience after Tawny's sprayed some of her Eau de Slut cologne around.
Cassie hides in a tree since she's uncomfortable with the sounds of sex. You think you're uncomfortable? Try working in this den of iniquity for a while.
Dawn angsts about her boyfriend and the girl he's been hanging around with some more.
Avasa spends more time bonding with Cassie. Dangerous liaisons and intrigue. That's fine as long as there's no more wall sex. I saw enough of that this afternoon as I was venturing to the break room for a stale cinnamon cruller.
Wow, ex vengeance demons get PMS too. Who would've known?
...and so do lady lawyers. Of course we already knew this.
I can't decide if Tim is interested in Jenny or Cassie. Both is always an option. Oh, wait, it's not. That's just the way they do things around this office.
Scary manipulative vampire with a gun. That gives me chills nearly as bad as I got when I caught D'Angelo selling drugs in the downstairs loo yesterday...
No, see, get used to this. This is what women are like. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." Yeah.
If anyone ever deserved getting beat up for being obnoxious, it's this guy.
Ah, the post-fight recap. Hope he at least got sex for pounding the hell out of Obnoxious Boy.
Willow prepares to dig up the woods with Janice. Is that some type of euphemism for something, or have I already been hanging around Honey and Barbie too long?
Jenny goes out wandering, looking for... coffee. Mm-hmm, a likely story, young lady.
Sophie really loves Jordy's possessiveness. And shows him how much. Now, that's my kinda woman.
Back to an ordinary, everyday life of not coveting another girl's boyfriend. Or at least, not blatantly like the women here covet D'Angelo.
...you notice he didn't bring Dawn anything. Except for his hot self. I suppose that'd be sufficient.
Angsty and out of the loop. The story of Stef's life.
Angst redux. Those two should get together and compare notes.
Razor hopes for some sympathy from Cassie. Good plan, dude. Get all beat up and let the girls fuss over you. That usually works.
Nobody can run the shop like Anya can. Because nobody else is that offputting and strangely literal.
Jordan tries again to make up for having a threesome with his girlfriend's best friend and worst enemy. Let me know how that works out for you. That information could come in handy considering where I work now.
It's the cavalry to the rescue again! Or not, but it sounded nicely dramatic.
She's either going to burn something up or raise the dead. Either way, I'm staying clear, thanks. I got enough problems between the constant theft of my favorite pen from my desk and the strange, shifty-eyed looks I'm receiving from that guy with a Post-It note on his face.
Another incoherent and slightly crazy vampire. Joy. Tribulation. If the rapture arrives, I'll be hiding in the press room.
Back to school time for Buffy. Sure you're not just going there to find a hot college boy to replace Riley?
The date is September 24, 2005, in the wee hours of the morning in the offices of the Slayer Chronicle in Sunnydale, California. This is Ryan Donnelly reporting, and Toto, we're definitely not in Kansas anymore. I am a stranger in a strange land... a land that seems to involve gratuitous nudity in the copy room and unusual noises and smells from the basement, as well as a large block of cheese, possibly Cheddar, possibly Cheshire.
Fortunately, my cubicle is in the corner, where I can keep my back to the wall. That may prove to be important as I watch the never-ending parade of yet another female reporter heeding to the siren song of the tattooed, swarthy and functionally illiterate person known as D'Angelo. Strange days, my friends. And now, to take my mind off of my fear that I will not get out of here alive, I bring you the news.
Giles ponders giant snakes and ripple effects of weird, wonky time travel. Couldn't be any more frightening than the atmosphere in this office.
Peter disses everyone from his haze of boredom. *yawn*
Jan saves her lollypop for when she wants something to suck on. You know what? No. It's just too cheap and easy, much like the ambience after Tawny's sprayed some of her Eau de Slut cologne around.
Cassie hides in a tree since she's uncomfortable with the sounds of sex. You think you're uncomfortable? Try working in this den of iniquity for a while.
Dawn angsts about her boyfriend and the girl he's been hanging around with some more.
Avasa spends more time bonding with Cassie. Dangerous liaisons and intrigue. That's fine as long as there's no more wall sex. I saw enough of that this afternoon as I was venturing to the break room for a stale cinnamon cruller.
Wow, ex vengeance demons get PMS too. Who would've known?
...and so do lady lawyers. Of course we already knew this.
I can't decide if Tim is interested in Jenny or Cassie. Both is always an option. Oh, wait, it's not. That's just the way they do things around this office.
Scary manipulative vampire with a gun. That gives me chills nearly as bad as I got when I caught D'Angelo selling drugs in the downstairs loo yesterday...
No, see, get used to this. This is what women are like. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." Yeah.
If anyone ever deserved getting beat up for being obnoxious, it's this guy.
Ah, the post-fight recap. Hope he at least got sex for pounding the hell out of Obnoxious Boy.
Willow prepares to dig up the woods with Janice. Is that some type of euphemism for something, or have I already been hanging around Honey and Barbie too long?
Jenny goes out wandering, looking for... coffee. Mm-hmm, a likely story, young lady.
Sophie really loves Jordy's possessiveness. And shows him how much. Now, that's my kinda woman.
Back to an ordinary, everyday life of not coveting another girl's boyfriend. Or at least, not blatantly like the women here covet D'Angelo.
...you notice he didn't bring Dawn anything. Except for his hot self. I suppose that'd be sufficient.
Angsty and out of the loop. The story of Stef's life.
Angst redux. Those two should get together and compare notes.
Razor hopes for some sympathy from Cassie. Good plan, dude. Get all beat up and let the girls fuss over you. That usually works.
Nobody can run the shop like Anya can. Because nobody else is that offputting and strangely literal.
Jordan tries again to make up for having a threesome with his girlfriend's best friend and worst enemy. Let me know how that works out for you. That information could come in handy considering where I work now.
It's the cavalry to the rescue again! Or not, but it sounded nicely dramatic.
She's either going to burn something up or raise the dead. Either way, I'm staying clear, thanks. I got enough problems between the constant theft of my favorite pen from my desk and the strange, shifty-eyed looks I'm receiving from that guy with a Post-It note on his face.
Another incoherent and slightly crazy vampire. Joy. Tribulation. If the rapture arrives, I'll be hiding in the press room.
Back to school time for Buffy. Sure you're not just going there to find a hot college boy to replace Riley?