Without You, jediknighttalin, Kristin/Idina, Kristin/other, PG
Title: Without You
Author: Nicole (jediknighttalin)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Chenzel, Kristin/other
Summary: The conversation is light during the short walk, and by the time you're settled into a chair across from her, any awkwardness has disappeared, and you're talking like you used to, before you fucked everything up.
Notes: Inspired by one of mldrgrl's stories that I don't remember the name of right now. I'm sure you'll figure out which one as you read LOL
Written for 2x5obsessions, for the claim Kristin Chenoweth and the prompt "without you." My prompt table can be found here.
Also written in two hours, while I'm sick, so I highly doubt it's my best work. Forgive that, please [g]
You recognize the voice immediately. Humming a tune that you are unfamiliar with, that voice is unmistakable. Your eyes search the bookstore, finally catching on a messy blonde updo that can only belong to her.
"Kristin?" you call softly, walking up to the tiny blonde.
She turns with wide eyes, then breaks into a smile. "Dee!" She immediately wraps her arms around you, then lets go to brush a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
Chuckling slightly, you nod. "Yeah, but I've been around. What about you, what have you been up to?" Your eyes shift down involuntarily, catching on the ring you had only before seen on TV and in photos.
"I just wrapped a movie, and I'm about to start rehearsals for a new show." She grins and you can't help but smile in return, her enthusiasm catching. "You want to grab a coffee?" she suddenly asks.
You think for a moment and check your watch to hide your sudden attack of nerves. It's not that you have somewhere to be, it's that you're not entirely sure you want to be with her. Finally your masochistic side wins out and you agree.
"Great," she says cheerfully. "Just let me pay for my book."
You watch her as she takes the book to the cashier, a grandmotherly woman with soft eyes. They exchange friendly smalltalk, then suddenly she's beside you again, looking up at you with those big eyes, and your heart clenches.
"Is there any place nearby?" you ask, assuming that she knows the neighborhood better than you do.
Her eyes roll up slightly as she thinks, and you can't help but stifle a chuckle. She looks adorable, if a little odd, with that look on her face. "There's two," she finally says. "One that way, and one that way." Her arms wave in opposite directions, illustrating her point.
"Right then," you say. "Pick one."
She sticks her tongue out at your amusement, and moments later you're walking "that way" down the hill.
The conversation is light during the short walk, and by the time you're settled into a chair across from her, any awkwardness has disappeared, and you're talking like you used to, before you fucked everything up.
"So how are you?" She asked unexpectedly, suddenly serious.
You shift uncomfortably. "I'm fine."
She gives you a pointed look and you sigh exasperatedly. "Kris, seriously. I'm fine." You carefully fold your arms, hiding your bare left hand.
"You know, I noticed about five minutes after I saw you in the bookstore that your rings are gone, so you can quit trying to hide that, and quit avoiding my question. What happened?"
You silently curse her, and allow bitterness to seep in for a moment. "I'm surprised... I'd thought that the entire world heard what happened."
She just looks at you, and you glare at her, then sigh. "We wanted different things," you settle for, then change the subject to something lighter. "So, what's the new show about?"
The awkwardness is back, at least on your part, as the conversation ebbs and flows, but you're surprised when she looks at the clock and swears softly.
"I'm sorry, Idina, I have to go. Unless you want to come with me. I've got to pick up David."
You blink blankly, not recognizing the name. You know that Jason is her husband, but you had never heard of David. "I'll come," you say, curiosity has you firmly in its grip.
She smiles and leads the way further down the hill, and it's only once you're inside the building that you realize it's a daycare center. Moments later a sleep little boy is in her arms, and you can't help but wonder what rock you were under while this little development was making itself known.
"Wake up, baby boy," she coos, tickling him lightly under the chin. The boy squirms and giggles, pushing her hand away, and she turns to you. "This is David," she says proudly. "He's fourteen months old."
You keep your distance, taking in the boy as he stares at you solemnly. His hair is thick and golden brown, his eyes that same startling aqua color of his mother's, although even more striking with his darker hair. He has Kristin's pert nose, and you recognise Jason's eyebrows and mouth from pictures. "He's adorable," you finally say.
As she leads the way back out of the daycare center, your eyes are focused on the baby's over her shoulder. His thumb is in his mouth, and when he breaks his intense stare to blink, his dark lashes flutter against his pale, baby-soft cheeks.
It's only once there's silence that you realize she's been chattering along, and you blink. "I'm sorry, what?"
She turns slightly, shooting you a look over her shoulder. "I asked if you wanted to come to the pool with us."
You shake your head. "I don't have a swimsuit."
"You don't have to come in the water."
Her eyes are pleading, clearly not wanting to let you go just yet, and you never could say no to that look. "All right."
She squeals happily and you cross the street and walk back up the hill for a while. Once at the pool, you stake out a chair and drag it near the edge while you wait for her to get herself and the baby changed. When she walks out, you nearly fall into the water. Women who've had children, you think, should not be allowed to look that good in a bathing suit. The suit is a modest two-piece, light pink with black edges.
"Making yourself comfortable?" she teases, and you nod.
"I'm surprised there aren't more people here," you say, making conversation as she steps into the water. You'd never even heard of a public baby pool -- at least, not one this big, and without a regular pool in the same building -- but you would think that it would be packed with mothers and children.
She looks up at you from where she's settled against the wall, David on her lap, splashing the surface of the water with his fists. "This is pretty much the only time when it's not crowded," she says. "The changeover between nannies and working mothers."
You nod, as if you know what she's talking about, but as you turn it over in your head, it makes sense. You watch her as she plays with the baby, flicking water at him and getting splashed in return, bobbing him up and down in the water, blowing raspberries against his bare stomach. She looks so beautiful like this, a child in her arms, and you finally understand what she was talking about, those years ago, during Wicked. This is who she is, what makes her complete in a way that the stage never could.
In a way that you never could.
You turn your head, although she's not even looking at you. In case she does, you don't want her to see the heartache that you're sure is written all over your face.
"Dee, can you hand me a couple of those pool toys, please?"
You take a deep breath as you look around, then get up and walk to the box, picking out a few toys and bringing them back to her. "Here you go."
She smiles up at you. "Thanks." David squeals and also bestows you with a grin, his tiny white baby teeth gleaming.
"No problem." You sit again, thinking that this is the reason you're divorced. It was strange. You had always wanted kids, but it was always at some point in the future. Then Taye got impatient, and after years of putting him off, you finally had to make a decision. You'd heard on the news not too long ago that his new wife is expecting. You had sent them a note of congratulations.
This was also the reason you hadn't gotten divorced sooner. Well, part of the reason. You can clearly remember the day in Kristin's dressing room, hanging out between shows, eating Chinese and laughing. After an hour, you had gotten quiet, and she asked what was wrong. In one long, suspended moment, you threw everything out there. You kissed her, you gave her your half-rehearsed speech, you proclaimed your love, you told her of what your life together could be, would be.
And in one word, your hopes and dreams came crashing down.
You remember how her "No..." sounded like it was in a dream, breathless and soft, almost disbelieving. You remember how her eyes filled with tears, how she ran from the room, and you didn't see her again until you were on stage. You remember how, three days later, she announced that she wasn't going to renew her contract.
"Idina, you okay?"
Suddenly you realize that she had turned and is now looking up at you, concerned. You force a smile. "Yeah, fine. Just... thinking." She doesn't look convinced, and you stand. "I should really go."
She stands as well, David in one arm, and gets out of the pool. She presses her cheek to yours, leaning forward and trying not to get your clothes wet. "Don't be a stranger," she whispers into your ear, and her warm breath makes you shiver slightly. She pulls back, looking at you with serious green eyes. "I mean it, Idina. I don't want to lose you twice."
Your hearts twists and you nod as you take her in, baby in her arms, a glow of happiness surrounding her that lights up the room. This is what she is without you. This is her better without you. "I'll call," you promise, and guilt forms knots in your stomach. You know you won't call her.
She nods. "I'll hold you to it."
You force another smile and nod. "See you." You turn and your eyes squeeze shut, then open, and you quickly leave. You get a cab almost immediately, and once on your way home, you bang your head against the seat, your breath coming in pained gasps.
"Y'all right, hun?" the cabbie asks.
"Fine," you manage to choke out around the lump in your throat. You feel like you're burning up, and your jaw aches as you hold back tears. You never thought that seeing her again would hurt so much. You never thought that she would have moved on, and you wouldn't have. Although, you realize, she had nothing to move on from.
Suddenly you wish you had that life. That you and Taye had had a baby, that the ring was still on your finger, and you still had someone to go home to. But more than that, you wish that instead of no, Kristin had said yes. Because seeing her with her baby, you realized that you do want a child. You had just always wanted a child with her.
You wanted to see her tiny form expand with the life inside her, you wanted to hold her hand and wipe her forehead as she screamed and cursed, and you wanted to want to take the pain away from her. You wanted to see her hold her baby for the first time, and for her to look up at you with soft, loving eyes. You wanted the baby to be hers in biology and yours in name. You wanted to be a mother with her.
But as you unlock your apartment and turn on the light, the emptiness greets you in its cold embrace, and you slide down the wall and hug yourself. The tears come slowly, quietly making trails down your cheeks, and all you can do is sit there, crouched on your floor, and know that dreams do come true, and you had let yours slip away.
Author: Nicole (jediknighttalin)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Chenzel, Kristin/other
Summary: The conversation is light during the short walk, and by the time you're settled into a chair across from her, any awkwardness has disappeared, and you're talking like you used to, before you fucked everything up.
Notes: Inspired by one of mldrgrl's stories that I don't remember the name of right now. I'm sure you'll figure out which one as you read LOL
Written for 2x5obsessions, for the claim Kristin Chenoweth and the prompt "without you." My prompt table can be found here.
Also written in two hours, while I'm sick, so I highly doubt it's my best work. Forgive that, please [g]
You recognize the voice immediately. Humming a tune that you are unfamiliar with, that voice is unmistakable. Your eyes search the bookstore, finally catching on a messy blonde updo that can only belong to her.
"Kristin?" you call softly, walking up to the tiny blonde.
She turns with wide eyes, then breaks into a smile. "Dee!" She immediately wraps her arms around you, then lets go to brush a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes. "I haven't seen you in ages!"
Chuckling slightly, you nod. "Yeah, but I've been around. What about you, what have you been up to?" Your eyes shift down involuntarily, catching on the ring you had only before seen on TV and in photos.
"I just wrapped a movie, and I'm about to start rehearsals for a new show." She grins and you can't help but smile in return, her enthusiasm catching. "You want to grab a coffee?" she suddenly asks.
You think for a moment and check your watch to hide your sudden attack of nerves. It's not that you have somewhere to be, it's that you're not entirely sure you want to be with her. Finally your masochistic side wins out and you agree.
"Great," she says cheerfully. "Just let me pay for my book."
You watch her as she takes the book to the cashier, a grandmotherly woman with soft eyes. They exchange friendly smalltalk, then suddenly she's beside you again, looking up at you with those big eyes, and your heart clenches.
"Is there any place nearby?" you ask, assuming that she knows the neighborhood better than you do.
Her eyes roll up slightly as she thinks, and you can't help but stifle a chuckle. She looks adorable, if a little odd, with that look on her face. "There's two," she finally says. "One that way, and one that way." Her arms wave in opposite directions, illustrating her point.
"Right then," you say. "Pick one."
She sticks her tongue out at your amusement, and moments later you're walking "that way" down the hill.
The conversation is light during the short walk, and by the time you're settled into a chair across from her, any awkwardness has disappeared, and you're talking like you used to, before you fucked everything up.
"So how are you?" She asked unexpectedly, suddenly serious.
You shift uncomfortably. "I'm fine."
She gives you a pointed look and you sigh exasperatedly. "Kris, seriously. I'm fine." You carefully fold your arms, hiding your bare left hand.
"You know, I noticed about five minutes after I saw you in the bookstore that your rings are gone, so you can quit trying to hide that, and quit avoiding my question. What happened?"
You silently curse her, and allow bitterness to seep in for a moment. "I'm surprised... I'd thought that the entire world heard what happened."
She just looks at you, and you glare at her, then sigh. "We wanted different things," you settle for, then change the subject to something lighter. "So, what's the new show about?"
The awkwardness is back, at least on your part, as the conversation ebbs and flows, but you're surprised when she looks at the clock and swears softly.
"I'm sorry, Idina, I have to go. Unless you want to come with me. I've got to pick up David."
You blink blankly, not recognizing the name. You know that Jason is her husband, but you had never heard of David. "I'll come," you say, curiosity has you firmly in its grip.
She smiles and leads the way further down the hill, and it's only once you're inside the building that you realize it's a daycare center. Moments later a sleep little boy is in her arms, and you can't help but wonder what rock you were under while this little development was making itself known.
"Wake up, baby boy," she coos, tickling him lightly under the chin. The boy squirms and giggles, pushing her hand away, and she turns to you. "This is David," she says proudly. "He's fourteen months old."
You keep your distance, taking in the boy as he stares at you solemnly. His hair is thick and golden brown, his eyes that same startling aqua color of his mother's, although even more striking with his darker hair. He has Kristin's pert nose, and you recognise Jason's eyebrows and mouth from pictures. "He's adorable," you finally say.
As she leads the way back out of the daycare center, your eyes are focused on the baby's over her shoulder. His thumb is in his mouth, and when he breaks his intense stare to blink, his dark lashes flutter against his pale, baby-soft cheeks.
It's only once there's silence that you realize she's been chattering along, and you blink. "I'm sorry, what?"
She turns slightly, shooting you a look over her shoulder. "I asked if you wanted to come to the pool with us."
You shake your head. "I don't have a swimsuit."
"You don't have to come in the water."
Her eyes are pleading, clearly not wanting to let you go just yet, and you never could say no to that look. "All right."
She squeals happily and you cross the street and walk back up the hill for a while. Once at the pool, you stake out a chair and drag it near the edge while you wait for her to get herself and the baby changed. When she walks out, you nearly fall into the water. Women who've had children, you think, should not be allowed to look that good in a bathing suit. The suit is a modest two-piece, light pink with black edges.
"Making yourself comfortable?" she teases, and you nod.
"I'm surprised there aren't more people here," you say, making conversation as she steps into the water. You'd never even heard of a public baby pool -- at least, not one this big, and without a regular pool in the same building -- but you would think that it would be packed with mothers and children.
She looks up at you from where she's settled against the wall, David on her lap, splashing the surface of the water with his fists. "This is pretty much the only time when it's not crowded," she says. "The changeover between nannies and working mothers."
You nod, as if you know what she's talking about, but as you turn it over in your head, it makes sense. You watch her as she plays with the baby, flicking water at him and getting splashed in return, bobbing him up and down in the water, blowing raspberries against his bare stomach. She looks so beautiful like this, a child in her arms, and you finally understand what she was talking about, those years ago, during Wicked. This is who she is, what makes her complete in a way that the stage never could.
In a way that you never could.
You turn your head, although she's not even looking at you. In case she does, you don't want her to see the heartache that you're sure is written all over your face.
"Dee, can you hand me a couple of those pool toys, please?"
You take a deep breath as you look around, then get up and walk to the box, picking out a few toys and bringing them back to her. "Here you go."
She smiles up at you. "Thanks." David squeals and also bestows you with a grin, his tiny white baby teeth gleaming.
"No problem." You sit again, thinking that this is the reason you're divorced. It was strange. You had always wanted kids, but it was always at some point in the future. Then Taye got impatient, and after years of putting him off, you finally had to make a decision. You'd heard on the news not too long ago that his new wife is expecting. You had sent them a note of congratulations.
This was also the reason you hadn't gotten divorced sooner. Well, part of the reason. You can clearly remember the day in Kristin's dressing room, hanging out between shows, eating Chinese and laughing. After an hour, you had gotten quiet, and she asked what was wrong. In one long, suspended moment, you threw everything out there. You kissed her, you gave her your half-rehearsed speech, you proclaimed your love, you told her of what your life together could be, would be.
And in one word, your hopes and dreams came crashing down.
You remember how her "No..." sounded like it was in a dream, breathless and soft, almost disbelieving. You remember how her eyes filled with tears, how she ran from the room, and you didn't see her again until you were on stage. You remember how, three days later, she announced that she wasn't going to renew her contract.
"Idina, you okay?"
Suddenly you realize that she had turned and is now looking up at you, concerned. You force a smile. "Yeah, fine. Just... thinking." She doesn't look convinced, and you stand. "I should really go."
She stands as well, David in one arm, and gets out of the pool. She presses her cheek to yours, leaning forward and trying not to get your clothes wet. "Don't be a stranger," she whispers into your ear, and her warm breath makes you shiver slightly. She pulls back, looking at you with serious green eyes. "I mean it, Idina. I don't want to lose you twice."
Your hearts twists and you nod as you take her in, baby in her arms, a glow of happiness surrounding her that lights up the room. This is what she is without you. This is her better without you. "I'll call," you promise, and guilt forms knots in your stomach. You know you won't call her.
She nods. "I'll hold you to it."
You force another smile and nod. "See you." You turn and your eyes squeeze shut, then open, and you quickly leave. You get a cab almost immediately, and once on your way home, you bang your head against the seat, your breath coming in pained gasps.
"Y'all right, hun?" the cabbie asks.
"Fine," you manage to choke out around the lump in your throat. You feel like you're burning up, and your jaw aches as you hold back tears. You never thought that seeing her again would hurt so much. You never thought that she would have moved on, and you wouldn't have. Although, you realize, she had nothing to move on from.
Suddenly you wish you had that life. That you and Taye had had a baby, that the ring was still on your finger, and you still had someone to go home to. But more than that, you wish that instead of no, Kristin had said yes. Because seeing her with her baby, you realized that you do want a child. You had just always wanted a child with her.
You wanted to see her tiny form expand with the life inside her, you wanted to hold her hand and wipe her forehead as she screamed and cursed, and you wanted to want to take the pain away from her. You wanted to see her hold her baby for the first time, and for her to look up at you with soft, loving eyes. You wanted the baby to be hers in biology and yours in name. You wanted to be a mother with her.
But as you unlock your apartment and turn on the light, the emptiness greets you in its cold embrace, and you slide down the wall and hug yourself. The tears come slowly, quietly making trails down your cheeks, and all you can do is sit there, crouched on your floor, and know that dreams do come true, and you had let yours slip away.