Three in a row and I hit you in the face?
I want to destroy something beautiful.
Go out and just hit someone in the face till the skin on my hand is broken and bleeding.
Strangely enough I want to go out and create. I want to build a house, and feel accomplished that someone's family will be able to live here and take shelter from the elements.
Who knows what I'm going to do with my life, but normally I'm determined to make something of myself. This unseen force driving me is just me trying to prove myself. I think right now, no one is expecting anything of me, and I'm not expecting it from myself either.
Right now I want to be useless flesh occupying space within this universe. I need to sit back, look up at the stars and cry.
Hello Star, its me emo kid.
I know I'm depressed, and not even time has changed that. Time isn't my enemy or my friend here, I'm my own worst enemy I guess. To be stuck in place watching those around me go on, and I'm still trying to figure out why I cemented myself in place. I'm still waiting for that day when I wake up and go I'm changing my life today. I wake up and I smile for once, going I know what I want to do, that I will apply for jobs and move forward. I keep thinking that if I achieve this, or get to this or that date, or see this person, talk with this person that it will happen. None of those are the keys, it's within me. And it's hiding like cake would from a fat kid (me).
Granted I'm unsure on how to go about and find myself again. I mean, I wasn't taught how to deal with these feelings or how to deal with the rejection of an economy that is not of my doing. That latter is the less of my concerns at the moment. A job isn't going to fix me, but it would give me peace of mind since the rest of the US graduates are in the same boat as me.
To find myself, when I struggled to so long to figure it out. The hadn't tried and it got smashed to the ground, leaving the room was the wrong choice now I can't find my way back.
But am I really trying?
I need to, but its going to hurt more then it does now.
So I need to find myself again. Lets see if I can do this, and get my life back on track. I wasn't suppose to be 24 years old on the verge of a melt down at the mention of key words. I was suppose to be on the verge of setting forth on a truly independent life, not an imaginary college independent life.
I'm going to go back to my research for my stories. Outline these worlds, characters, and time lines. For now I'll do what I've always done, write myself into my words, changing what I should've done or what the world should not have let happen. Writing about love isn't enough anymore. I need to find peace, so my stories need to lead me there.
Ana can't help but to look people in the eye when their talking...this could be her mistake.
Go out and just hit someone in the face till the skin on my hand is broken and bleeding.
Strangely enough I want to go out and create. I want to build a house, and feel accomplished that someone's family will be able to live here and take shelter from the elements.
Who knows what I'm going to do with my life, but normally I'm determined to make something of myself. This unseen force driving me is just me trying to prove myself. I think right now, no one is expecting anything of me, and I'm not expecting it from myself either.
Right now I want to be useless flesh occupying space within this universe. I need to sit back, look up at the stars and cry.
Hello Star, its me emo kid.
I know I'm depressed, and not even time has changed that. Time isn't my enemy or my friend here, I'm my own worst enemy I guess. To be stuck in place watching those around me go on, and I'm still trying to figure out why I cemented myself in place. I'm still waiting for that day when I wake up and go I'm changing my life today. I wake up and I smile for once, going I know what I want to do, that I will apply for jobs and move forward. I keep thinking that if I achieve this, or get to this or that date, or see this person, talk with this person that it will happen. None of those are the keys, it's within me. And it's hiding like cake would from a fat kid (me).
Granted I'm unsure on how to go about and find myself again. I mean, I wasn't taught how to deal with these feelings or how to deal with the rejection of an economy that is not of my doing. That latter is the less of my concerns at the moment. A job isn't going to fix me, but it would give me peace of mind since the rest of the US graduates are in the same boat as me.
To find myself, when I struggled to so long to figure it out. The hadn't tried and it got smashed to the ground, leaving the room was the wrong choice now I can't find my way back.
But am I really trying?
I need to, but its going to hurt more then it does now.
So I need to find myself again. Lets see if I can do this, and get my life back on track. I wasn't suppose to be 24 years old on the verge of a melt down at the mention of key words. I was suppose to be on the verge of setting forth on a truly independent life, not an imaginary college independent life.
I'm going to go back to my research for my stories. Outline these worlds, characters, and time lines. For now I'll do what I've always done, write myself into my words, changing what I should've done or what the world should not have let happen. Writing about love isn't enough anymore. I need to find peace, so my stories need to lead me there.
Ana can't help but to look people in the eye when their talking...this could be her mistake.