5.07 - Ties of Blood and Water
My Darling Girl and I went to see the Da Vinci Code Friday night. It was a fair movie, passed the time without leaving me feeling as though I'd wasted it. And Ian McKellan was a riot. After we were done, we were hungry and went to some shady diner in Mechanicsburg. It was there that our conversation turned to the topic of family and the belongingness inherent with that.
I'm not a traditional family man. Until I started reconnecting with my Gram, Pap, Aunt Kathy, and some of the characters on that branch of the family tree, I could do without it - especially considering the poor examples of family I get at close range in Carlisle. I've realized that my Dad wouldn't know what a good man is in any context and my mother's pathologies are too deep for even me to reach the bottom of. My siblings bear similar scars as I and as a result, I can't get close to them, friction of years in too proximate a proximity leaving that mark. Still, I prize family ties as crucial, but not in the traditional regard. As if I do anything the traditional way...
I told Maritza that I invite people to be my family, choose my friends and companions with a calculating mind, conscious of the potential for hurt and the possibility of joy implicit in making someone a part of your family. To date, I haven't found anyone who embraces my philosophy the way I do, family is too deeply etched into the minds of the Millenials. My Darling Girl, Dixie, and Dick Palmer are probably the principals of my self-made family, but they still have others who are more important to them than they are to me. I can deal with that. We're still "at that age" where family still holds the purse strings and is as such, indistinct.
I weighed the pros and cons and dwelled on it for much longer than I do most decisions, but in the end, I'm left with the obvious choice: I'm going back to Meadville. I can't go back with Kelly or Annie or anyone and to think that's possible is just...too much. I'll have to return to my phone relationship with My Darling Girl, but I'll be more use to her outside the maddening house and residents on Conway Street and the summer school will be a trifle easier. Living by myself, getting into shape, getting to the heart of me - that's the priority and the destination now. It's not something I'll be able to get in Carlisle.
Now, I just have to break the news and set the schedules. Here goes...
I'm not a traditional family man. Until I started reconnecting with my Gram, Pap, Aunt Kathy, and some of the characters on that branch of the family tree, I could do without it - especially considering the poor examples of family I get at close range in Carlisle. I've realized that my Dad wouldn't know what a good man is in any context and my mother's pathologies are too deep for even me to reach the bottom of. My siblings bear similar scars as I and as a result, I can't get close to them, friction of years in too proximate a proximity leaving that mark. Still, I prize family ties as crucial, but not in the traditional regard. As if I do anything the traditional way...
I told Maritza that I invite people to be my family, choose my friends and companions with a calculating mind, conscious of the potential for hurt and the possibility of joy implicit in making someone a part of your family. To date, I haven't found anyone who embraces my philosophy the way I do, family is too deeply etched into the minds of the Millenials. My Darling Girl, Dixie, and Dick Palmer are probably the principals of my self-made family, but they still have others who are more important to them than they are to me. I can deal with that. We're still "at that age" where family still holds the purse strings and is as such, indistinct.
I weighed the pros and cons and dwelled on it for much longer than I do most decisions, but in the end, I'm left with the obvious choice: I'm going back to Meadville. I can't go back with Kelly or Annie or anyone and to think that's possible is just...too much. I'll have to return to my phone relationship with My Darling Girl, but I'll be more use to her outside the maddening house and residents on Conway Street and the summer school will be a trifle easier. Living by myself, getting into shape, getting to the heart of me - that's the priority and the destination now. It's not something I'll be able to get in Carlisle.
Now, I just have to break the news and set the schedules. Here goes...