4.17 - The Kind of World Where We Belong
Okay, now I know I tend to dwell on my grad school dreams at an unhealthy level, but I think I might have actually figured it out this time. In deference to DeLamarter and a few other people who have heard me refer to Drexel's Clinical program and cringed, I think I want to go to the University of Pennsylvania's clinical psychology Ph.D. program.
Problems: I won't be able to get a J.D., it is insanely more selective (average GPA is a 3.78, mine is hovering just below 3.0 at present. If I get straight A's for the next one and a half years, I'll end up around a 3.6!), and I know nothing about the faculty and their interests.
Silver Lining: They offer full tuition remand and a stipend of $20,000 for four years, it's a much better structured program, studio apartments are an option, high cultural life in the immediate area, and it will only take 4-5 years versus 6-7 with the Drexel/Villanova program.
The question I'm forced to ask myself now is how much do I want to be a judge/D.A.? Three years isn't that long, but I probably wouldn't be able to practice or teach during that time and they would not pay me to go there, meaning debt/loans. Plus, there's more freedom to work with when it comes to teaching and practicing timewise. The answer I'm coming to is not one I'm overly enthused about, but it's still the clearest solution and that is to not get the J.D. until later. The upside is that people are living to be 100 now, so I'll likely shift in my career pursuits at some point and J.D. will be the safety valve.
It's been a wonderful break in Carlisle and I'm going to be sad to leave. I'll be thrilled to be outside this house, but I'll miss Maritza, Ryan, Susan, and James and whoever else crosses my path in the next week. What's worse is that I think I'll be leaving a week from yesterday instead of Wednesday like I planned! The Reunion Weekend stuff starts Tuesday and if I want to be unpacked beforehand then it'll require an earlier departure, which annoys me. Also, I've not made much headway on the driving thing and it doesn't look like I'll get a car before I go back. I'll try to get a car by June vacation time, but like everything else in my life, my parents will not make this easy. Character-building perhaps, still irritating at heart. I want to be like the prodigal son and just get enough to pay for college, my apartment, and car for the next two years and be gone without any strings attached. Spend holidays with friends and Pittsburgh relations, be liberated without the slimy guilt that tethers me to 231 Conway and the psychologically disturbed denizens who reside therein.
I've begun reading Underworld by Don DeLillo again. I'm rabid on trying to get my mind around the structure of how to write the next great American novel. I am going to wipe out certain sections of Pelletier Library when I get back. I'm also starting to think about taking Italian in the fall with the CLC, possibly learning to play the piano, what my next research target is going to be, how am I going to fit in three to four internships in my next two years, and how the hell am I going to graduate on my schedule and get into the highly selective program at UPenn (ave. applicant pool = 500/total # accepted = 10)!
I stress myself out. It's abundantly clear that I'm my own worst critic, 'cause unlike the bubblegum Millenials, I don't sugarcoat things. The upside to all of this is I have another decade to get through the first leg of my adult schooling and that temporal designation carries with it unlimited possibility. Possibility I have heard mandate in my dreams and call me to acheive. Man Thinking, it's what Emerson thought the American Scholar should be. It's what I think I am. That's what cinches it: I think.
Problems: I won't be able to get a J.D., it is insanely more selective (average GPA is a 3.78, mine is hovering just below 3.0 at present. If I get straight A's for the next one and a half years, I'll end up around a 3.6!), and I know nothing about the faculty and their interests.
Silver Lining: They offer full tuition remand and a stipend of $20,000 for four years, it's a much better structured program, studio apartments are an option, high cultural life in the immediate area, and it will only take 4-5 years versus 6-7 with the Drexel/Villanova program.
The question I'm forced to ask myself now is how much do I want to be a judge/D.A.? Three years isn't that long, but I probably wouldn't be able to practice or teach during that time and they would not pay me to go there, meaning debt/loans. Plus, there's more freedom to work with when it comes to teaching and practicing timewise. The answer I'm coming to is not one I'm overly enthused about, but it's still the clearest solution and that is to not get the J.D. until later. The upside is that people are living to be 100 now, so I'll likely shift in my career pursuits at some point and J.D. will be the safety valve.
It's been a wonderful break in Carlisle and I'm going to be sad to leave. I'll be thrilled to be outside this house, but I'll miss Maritza, Ryan, Susan, and James and whoever else crosses my path in the next week. What's worse is that I think I'll be leaving a week from yesterday instead of Wednesday like I planned! The Reunion Weekend stuff starts Tuesday and if I want to be unpacked beforehand then it'll require an earlier departure, which annoys me. Also, I've not made much headway on the driving thing and it doesn't look like I'll get a car before I go back. I'll try to get a car by June vacation time, but like everything else in my life, my parents will not make this easy. Character-building perhaps, still irritating at heart. I want to be like the prodigal son and just get enough to pay for college, my apartment, and car for the next two years and be gone without any strings attached. Spend holidays with friends and Pittsburgh relations, be liberated without the slimy guilt that tethers me to 231 Conway and the psychologically disturbed denizens who reside therein.
I've begun reading Underworld by Don DeLillo again. I'm rabid on trying to get my mind around the structure of how to write the next great American novel. I am going to wipe out certain sections of Pelletier Library when I get back. I'm also starting to think about taking Italian in the fall with the CLC, possibly learning to play the piano, what my next research target is going to be, how am I going to fit in three to four internships in my next two years, and how the hell am I going to graduate on my schedule and get into the highly selective program at UPenn (ave. applicant pool = 500/total # accepted = 10)!
I stress myself out. It's abundantly clear that I'm my own worst critic, 'cause unlike the bubblegum Millenials, I don't sugarcoat things. The upside to all of this is I have another decade to get through the first leg of my adult schooling and that temporal designation carries with it unlimited possibility. Possibility I have heard mandate in my dreams and call me to acheive. Man Thinking, it's what Emerson thought the American Scholar should be. It's what I think I am. That's what cinches it: I think.