4.05 - If Yesterday Could Only Be Tomorrow
I've found that at the onset of something new, I tend to get very busy. I find that it distracts me and grants me a font from with to draw out excuse after excuse, providing me with a foundation to design my life and course of events to my specifications.
Boy, am I ever busy now? With ASG, I'm working on two DSAC projects at once and taking on more. With GAP, I'm now an event manager and have a few things this weekend and I've tossed my hat in the ring to be a committee chair for Springfest, which is quite the commitment. It will give me a basis for running for an exec position next year, which is already on the horizon. As is my future status with ASG. I don't know if I'll run for president again, look to the Cabinet, or drop it (like it's hot). I've been making some progress, but I'm so crazy these days that longevity and foresight are harder to manage. I've missed more GFC shifts than I've made, something I will remedy in the near future. Moot Court is coming to an end, which like anything else, means that I have a great deal of work to accomplish in a short amount of time. Briefs are due Friday and next Thursday I have oral arguments. Research with Dr. Bluhm is remaining somewhat constant, but I can see the need for more time coming up. So my foresight isn't terribly distorted.
I'm also behind in my classes. The scheme to destroy me ended up setting me back in all my classes and I'm barely keeping my head above water. My recent grades have reflected this urgent, crisis-inspired work ethic. I'll get better. I have to.
I have a concern about my recent deluge of activity though. My fear is that I'm subconsciously trying to break myself. I mean, even with the move and the betrayal and disillusionment and the rest of the mess that was my immediate past, I didn't break. I was subdued for awhile, but never defeated, never really broken by circumstance. I'm wondering at some level just what will it take to bring me down. What does it mean that I'm this resilient? I'm human, you see that from all the flaws, but I've been bouncing back and managing more than most other people I know with only mild aggravation. I think that I'm taking on more and more to see what will be too much. The problem is that with each additional ball in the air, my juggling act could come to an abrupt and disasterous end if I'm in charge of so much that's outside my life. I think I need to check myself, which is what this is. Still...
I've been in contact with Maritza, Ryan, and James within the last few days. I love my friends. I am so fortunate to have them in my life. I need to make sure I don't lose them like I've lost so many others. Because, unlike those others, they're worth fighting for. I've fought with and over past liaisons, but fighting for my friends is a rare enterprise of mine that is engaged for a select few. These few.
I need to get my brief done tonight and read for class tomorrow. I have an interview for a possible job, seeing my bank account withering again and I don't want another handout from my parents. They came up with a wad of cash at a crucial moment, but I don't want that to be how I get funding. I want to work! I have a solid work ethic. Just need to find an outlet for it now. My afternoon and evening tomorrow are frought with meetings and encounters of one sort or another, coming to an end with The Laramie Project and likely the OC. This weekend I am going to watch SO much TV.
Boy, am I ever busy now? With ASG, I'm working on two DSAC projects at once and taking on more. With GAP, I'm now an event manager and have a few things this weekend and I've tossed my hat in the ring to be a committee chair for Springfest, which is quite the commitment. It will give me a basis for running for an exec position next year, which is already on the horizon. As is my future status with ASG. I don't know if I'll run for president again, look to the Cabinet, or drop it (like it's hot). I've been making some progress, but I'm so crazy these days that longevity and foresight are harder to manage. I've missed more GFC shifts than I've made, something I will remedy in the near future. Moot Court is coming to an end, which like anything else, means that I have a great deal of work to accomplish in a short amount of time. Briefs are due Friday and next Thursday I have oral arguments. Research with Dr. Bluhm is remaining somewhat constant, but I can see the need for more time coming up. So my foresight isn't terribly distorted.
I'm also behind in my classes. The scheme to destroy me ended up setting me back in all my classes and I'm barely keeping my head above water. My recent grades have reflected this urgent, crisis-inspired work ethic. I'll get better. I have to.
I have a concern about my recent deluge of activity though. My fear is that I'm subconsciously trying to break myself. I mean, even with the move and the betrayal and disillusionment and the rest of the mess that was my immediate past, I didn't break. I was subdued for awhile, but never defeated, never really broken by circumstance. I'm wondering at some level just what will it take to bring me down. What does it mean that I'm this resilient? I'm human, you see that from all the flaws, but I've been bouncing back and managing more than most other people I know with only mild aggravation. I think that I'm taking on more and more to see what will be too much. The problem is that with each additional ball in the air, my juggling act could come to an abrupt and disasterous end if I'm in charge of so much that's outside my life. I think I need to check myself, which is what this is. Still...
I've been in contact with Maritza, Ryan, and James within the last few days. I love my friends. I am so fortunate to have them in my life. I need to make sure I don't lose them like I've lost so many others. Because, unlike those others, they're worth fighting for. I've fought with and over past liaisons, but fighting for my friends is a rare enterprise of mine that is engaged for a select few. These few.
I need to get my brief done tonight and read for class tomorrow. I have an interview for a possible job, seeing my bank account withering again and I don't want another handout from my parents. They came up with a wad of cash at a crucial moment, but I don't want that to be how I get funding. I want to work! I have a solid work ethic. Just need to find an outlet for it now. My afternoon and evening tomorrow are frought with meetings and encounters of one sort or another, coming to an end with The Laramie Project and likely the OC. This weekend I am going to watch SO much TV.