3.25 - Look to the Western Sky!
"So if you care to find me, look to the western sky. And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free. To those who ground me: Take a message back to them from me...."
When I went to Allegheny College in March, I did what many college bound seniors do at the college of their choice. I got a hoodie. It's gray, with navy blue letters spelling out the school name, gilded in gold. The thing about it though is that it's too big. I roll up the sleeves and let it droop down over my waist. It feels big on me. It looks big.
Today was my last full day of high school. It didn't register when I woke up to get my Forbearer project done from Wagner. It didn't hit me when I took my shower and got dressed in khaki shorts, a black v-neck t-shirt, and the well fitting shirt I bought in NYC on the senior trip. It didn't hit me until period one, when Travis told everyone that we were taking a class picture. We all stood together, our class for the last time, and were immortalized in film. I'd gotten the people I'd wanted to to sign my yearbook, something I don't really care about now, but I know that it's one of those things that I'll regret in the future unless I take the initiative now. Regret often comes from the things undone rather than those you've worked toward.
Period 2 was relaxed, I talked to Ms. Hahn who will be getting married at the end of June. Laura and Chelsea and I signed one another's yearbooks and chatted inconsequentially about class council stuff. There's still much to do and as per usual, Kyle is sitting on his ass doing NOTHING about it. I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. We took pictures at the end and I left with a lump in my throat, the finality was beginning to set in.
Through periods 3 and lunch, I was working on distributing the damn class shirts. I should have just put the box in the hallway and walked away from it, but I'm not that sort of person. We distributed the majority and what remains will be given out on Friday during Renaissance practice. I'm angry that I had to miss my last lunch period for class council, not sure what to do to make myself feel better yet. It'll come to me.
Period 4, Krebs let us sign yearbooks and I got many of the people I'd wanted to get to sign in. Pat, Jeff, Morgan, Lauren, Megan, and Steve among others put words of wisdom down for me. I've been avoiding reading them, I'm just afraid it will make the past too real and I'm not quite ready to deal with that. Not just yet.
Period 5, I went to Mrs. Daniels room and listened to "For Good", "No One Mourns the Wicked", and the "Finale" from Wicked. After her class got out, I remembered I needed my Forbearer stuff from my locker in the West building. So I trotted over, retrieved it, all the while Mrs. Daniels was signing my yearbook. We talked for most of the period while I put my poster together and I began to realize just how much I am going to miss her counsel. I'll keep in touch, I made a point of saying it wasn't good-bye, more of an alteration of the terms of our relationship. I had to at least thank her for being there for me for the past four years, being my mentor and advisor, imparting what wisdom I needed to hear and making me accept the facts I already knew, but didn't want to accept. She's a great teacher, I only wish her students knew it as I do. I left with a burning in my eyes and quickly blinked it away, knowing that I had to give my presentation and didn't want my last speaking part in History class to be looking like an emotional wreck.
Period 6, Maritza volunteered me to go first and I told everyone about the quirky and personable Floyd Arthur Lamont. Maritza, Matt, and Gina went after me and all the while, I was trying to figure out where the hell Kelly was. She is probably one of the top ten people who had to sign my yearbook and she wasn't there. How inconsiderate. She did show up and I sent my yearbook across the room, she did the same, and took until after the bell rang signing her book. For once, I didn't know exactly what to say and that showed me just how affected I am by her.
Period 7, I was a part of the final Cryptoquip race, time running out on me before I was done. After that, I worked with Tyler to ice the sodas for the picnic tomorrow. I left my yearbook to be signed by a few people and checked after to make sure it was done.
Following the last period, the bell ringing, and the seniors scattering through the decrepit halls of Carlisle High School, I went to Renaissance practice. Half of the acts were either absent or not ready and I asked if it was too late to have my name taken off the program. I do not want my fingerprints on that train wreck, thank you. I walked home in the afternoon half-light, glancing back only once at the building. Without students or teachers inside, that's all it really is. Just a building. But it's been such a part of my life for the last four years, I at least had to give it one second glance. Then I turned, walked home for the last time, not looking back again. At home, I watched some TV, listened to some music, avoided the yearbook sitting on my desk, then decided to sleep. There was a lot on my mind and I didn't want to think about any of it.
The one quotation I wrote in Kelly's book was from Wicked, as many of my allusions are these days, from the last Wicked Witch/Good Witch duet called "For Good". I quoted a key line from the song that is "Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good." That is the essence of my relationship with Kelly. For better or worse, she has been a crucial part of my life this past year and I thank her for her involvement.
I realized that the hoodie, despite it's size, is good for me. It's big enough so that I'll have room to grow, to expand and stretch in any direction. High school is over, save for finals and graduation. But my time there is done. There are many people who have stories, dramas, and life to play out in those three buildings. My time is done. What's written is written. What's done is done. My work there is for the majority finished, theirs is yet to do. My only advice to the seniors and to anyone who needs to know is this: Nothing is written in the stars, not these or any others. No one controls your destiny.
Respectfully Submitted,
Art
When I went to Allegheny College in March, I did what many college bound seniors do at the college of their choice. I got a hoodie. It's gray, with navy blue letters spelling out the school name, gilded in gold. The thing about it though is that it's too big. I roll up the sleeves and let it droop down over my waist. It feels big on me. It looks big.
Today was my last full day of high school. It didn't register when I woke up to get my Forbearer project done from Wagner. It didn't hit me when I took my shower and got dressed in khaki shorts, a black v-neck t-shirt, and the well fitting shirt I bought in NYC on the senior trip. It didn't hit me until period one, when Travis told everyone that we were taking a class picture. We all stood together, our class for the last time, and were immortalized in film. I'd gotten the people I'd wanted to to sign my yearbook, something I don't really care about now, but I know that it's one of those things that I'll regret in the future unless I take the initiative now. Regret often comes from the things undone rather than those you've worked toward.
Period 2 was relaxed, I talked to Ms. Hahn who will be getting married at the end of June. Laura and Chelsea and I signed one another's yearbooks and chatted inconsequentially about class council stuff. There's still much to do and as per usual, Kyle is sitting on his ass doing NOTHING about it. I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. We took pictures at the end and I left with a lump in my throat, the finality was beginning to set in.
Through periods 3 and lunch, I was working on distributing the damn class shirts. I should have just put the box in the hallway and walked away from it, but I'm not that sort of person. We distributed the majority and what remains will be given out on Friday during Renaissance practice. I'm angry that I had to miss my last lunch period for class council, not sure what to do to make myself feel better yet. It'll come to me.
Period 4, Krebs let us sign yearbooks and I got many of the people I'd wanted to get to sign in. Pat, Jeff, Morgan, Lauren, Megan, and Steve among others put words of wisdom down for me. I've been avoiding reading them, I'm just afraid it will make the past too real and I'm not quite ready to deal with that. Not just yet.
Period 5, I went to Mrs. Daniels room and listened to "For Good", "No One Mourns the Wicked", and the "Finale" from Wicked. After her class got out, I remembered I needed my Forbearer stuff from my locker in the West building. So I trotted over, retrieved it, all the while Mrs. Daniels was signing my yearbook. We talked for most of the period while I put my poster together and I began to realize just how much I am going to miss her counsel. I'll keep in touch, I made a point of saying it wasn't good-bye, more of an alteration of the terms of our relationship. I had to at least thank her for being there for me for the past four years, being my mentor and advisor, imparting what wisdom I needed to hear and making me accept the facts I already knew, but didn't want to accept. She's a great teacher, I only wish her students knew it as I do. I left with a burning in my eyes and quickly blinked it away, knowing that I had to give my presentation and didn't want my last speaking part in History class to be looking like an emotional wreck.
Period 6, Maritza volunteered me to go first and I told everyone about the quirky and personable Floyd Arthur Lamont. Maritza, Matt, and Gina went after me and all the while, I was trying to figure out where the hell Kelly was. She is probably one of the top ten people who had to sign my yearbook and she wasn't there. How inconsiderate. She did show up and I sent my yearbook across the room, she did the same, and took until after the bell rang signing her book. For once, I didn't know exactly what to say and that showed me just how affected I am by her.
Period 7, I was a part of the final Cryptoquip race, time running out on me before I was done. After that, I worked with Tyler to ice the sodas for the picnic tomorrow. I left my yearbook to be signed by a few people and checked after to make sure it was done.
Following the last period, the bell ringing, and the seniors scattering through the decrepit halls of Carlisle High School, I went to Renaissance practice. Half of the acts were either absent or not ready and I asked if it was too late to have my name taken off the program. I do not want my fingerprints on that train wreck, thank you. I walked home in the afternoon half-light, glancing back only once at the building. Without students or teachers inside, that's all it really is. Just a building. But it's been such a part of my life for the last four years, I at least had to give it one second glance. Then I turned, walked home for the last time, not looking back again. At home, I watched some TV, listened to some music, avoided the yearbook sitting on my desk, then decided to sleep. There was a lot on my mind and I didn't want to think about any of it.
The one quotation I wrote in Kelly's book was from Wicked, as many of my allusions are these days, from the last Wicked Witch/Good Witch duet called "For Good". I quoted a key line from the song that is "Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good." That is the essence of my relationship with Kelly. For better or worse, she has been a crucial part of my life this past year and I thank her for her involvement.
I realized that the hoodie, despite it's size, is good for me. It's big enough so that I'll have room to grow, to expand and stretch in any direction. High school is over, save for finals and graduation. But my time there is done. There are many people who have stories, dramas, and life to play out in those three buildings. My time is done. What's written is written. What's done is done. My work there is for the majority finished, theirs is yet to do. My only advice to the seniors and to anyone who needs to know is this: Nothing is written in the stars, not these or any others. No one controls your destiny.
Respectfully Submitted,
Art