(Untitled)

[ffyddlon]

It's been weeks now since she's found out about her biological son and Gwen's still reeling. Investigating Kate Freelander's string of thefts helped to keep the worst of it at bay because she was busy but now, with nothing to do, her idle mind wanders to that little boy more often than Gwen likes. She doesn't feel any pull to be a parent. That's

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[coffee_sir]

The thing about having a child was that one never really slept. Cadi managed to sleep through the night now, or at least more often than not, but she was up early, demanding to start the day at an hour Ianto had hoped he'd seen the last of in Cardiff. But there wasn't anything to be done for it other than to climb out of bed and get to work.

They were on their walk now, him and both dogs, which was a great deal of exercise for Bill and Banon, chasing each other, chasing the surf, attacking bits of seaweed and driftwood that ended up on shore. Ianto strolled along in their wake, at ease, and gave Gwen a smile as he approached her. "This is why I don't believe in exercise. You look like you're dying," he observed, as kindly as possible.

[ffyddlon]

"Might be preferable to this place," Gwen says dryly but there's no bite to it. No matter what, she's choosing life, even if life is fucked up and complicated at the moment.

"Need help with the dogs, there? I could wrangle one of them."

[coffee_sir]

"Oh, they'll be fine," Ianto assured her. "Years on this island and they haven't gotten into any real trouble yet. Just crabs."

He walked to Gwen's side, a bit of concern seeping through now that he'd had his little laugh. "Really though, sure you're not pushing too hard?"

[ffyddlon]

"I need it," Gwen says, wondering if Ianto knows what this feels like. Probably not, he was actually there for the birth of his child, so far as she knows.

"I just have a lot to think about lately. It's...a lot to process, sometimes, and I can't think if I push this hard."

[coffee_sir]

His brow twitched and settled into a slight frown as he looked at Gwen, wondering. There was the potential for new things to think about every day here, but only a few that he have been troubling Ianto, making him wonder when she was going to find them out.

"Me, I just settle for getting drunk. Once again you prove yourself the better person," he says lightly. "Just don't hurt yourself. I don't want to carry you to the clinic."

[ffyddlon]

"You know about him, don't you?"

It's a little blunt but Ianto's probably the person she's closest to on the island because he's got the benefit of being from home, being from Cardiff. Even Jack only knew the other version of her.

"About Rob and the Doctor's son?"

[coffee_sir]

Ianto hesitated, looking at Gwen, then turned his gaze away to the ocean, where the two little dogs were playing in the surf.

"I was wondering when they were going to tell you," he admitted. "Not an easy thing to talk about."

[ffyddlon]

"The Doctor told me a few weeks ago but I haven't said anything," Gwen admits. "I haven't known how I felt, exactly, and then Beckett and I had an IPD case to work on so it's just been...bottled up inside me, for lack of a better way to say it."

She's still not processing it, even now, and that's half the reason she's running at dawn instead of sleeping.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, Ianto."

[coffee_sir]

The trouble was that not only did Ianto not know how Gwen was supposed to feel either, the entire subject of what had happened with Nate, with Jackson before him, left Ianto feeling cold and uncomfortable. But his feelings weren't the subject of discussion, and he shoved them aside for Gwen's sake.

"I don't think this is a case of supposed to or not, Gwen," he replied, trying to be a help. "It's not a normal situation. There's no normal feelings. Do you.. Do you want to take him?"

[ffyddlon]

"No, I don't." That much, at least, Gwen's certain of. Just because she's donated the genetic material to the child doesn't mean she feels like a mother and while it's an alien feeling she suspects that disconnect is probably good in the long run.

"I just feel like...this was all done without my permission or something and it feels strange, like I'm supposed to have feelings and I don't."

[coffee_sir]

“Well it was, in a way,” Ianto said, shrugging. “You weren’t here. That’s the point. They did the best they could with the situation. But I don’t think you need to have feelings on it.”

He paused and dropped his head, frowning. “I know it sounds… cold. But I’ve never believed that just sharing genes with a person automatically means you have to love them. Obligated to them, maybe. But you don’t know him. You didn’t even give birth to him. There’s no reason to assume that you should be torn up about this. Confused, obviously. But whether or not you have strong feelings on it… That’s something else.”

[ffyddlon]

"I suppose you're right," Gwen says, thinking Ianto has sound points. But logic and feeling aren't the same thing and she's still feeling torn up inside when by all rights, she shouldn't. It's a strange feeling and she wants to be done with it.

"They said I could visit him if I wanted. Their son?"

[coffee_sir]

"I'm sure they'd love that," Ianto said, glancing up at Gwen. He has never really known Gwen Cooper to do anything by halves, but it can take her some time to settle on a course of action, he knew. "Nate would, too."

[ffyddlon]

"Hope so. Did you know the father, then?"

Gwen knows it's not Rhys because she feels like they would have told her before now if Rhys had ever been here. Maybe it was Owen, or someone, but it had been niggling at her brain for a while now.

[coffee_sir]

"Not as well as I should have," Ianto freely admitted. "But enough."

He paused, trying to remember all that he knew about Peter Petrelli. Truth be told, it had been a while since Ianto had thought of him. Gwen always eclipsed him in his thoughts. "He was a good sort though. Peter Petrelli. American, I think from... New York. Same dimension as Charlie, actually. A nurse. Not the first into every fray, but willing to help out when things went pear-shaped. As they tend to around here. He was... excited about becoming a father."

[ffyddlon]

"Do you think I loved him?"

It's a strange question to ask and Gwen doesn't expect an easy answer, even if she gets one at all. She hasn't even looked at anyone that way except Aidan and that was only the once. She misses Rhys, more than she ever thought she would, and while she's stepped out on him before it feels...different, now.