There was peace on the ocean. Savannah could sit astride her board and bob on the waves, catch a few and ride them in, paddle back out- all the while letting her mind go blank. When she surfed she didn't think of John or the moon, she didn't think of Tim or Alan, didn't think of momma and daddy or home at all.
But the baby sure had screwed all that up. She found there were things she hadn't planned on and losing the ability to surf was just one of many. No way she could lay on her belly to paddle out and that didn't even take into account how bad her balance was anymore. The baby had forced her to make changes and so instead of surfing, Savannah went and watched things. Sometimes it was the horses, sometimes birds. Today it was butterflies who seemed to like to congregate in this garden that looked as if it had been well tended at one time but now needed a good pruning and weeding. Watching the butterflies didn't clear her mind quite as much as surfing, but it came close.
She was lost in thought and only just looked up when the girls started coming to her. She held out her hands but didn't even try to get up off the ground. She didn't dare sit cross legged in the children's room, knowing she'd never be able to get up quick. But here it was all right.
"Now, don't they just have you wrapped around a finger," she said as she saw Neil carrying a full load. "You must be planning a day."
"Look, I gotta keep 'em occupied, somehow, or I'll never get any sleep," I say, grinning at both girls hurrying over to her, showing off their fairy wings and chattering about the flowers and the butterflies and the weird caterpillar they saw on the way out here.
"You're lookin' like you're about to pop," I tell Savannah with a huff of laughter, even though I know that's not true. She's got a little while to go, but still. It's always kinda crazy how big they get, especially when they were tiny to start out with. Eostre was so short, so damn low to the ground, she always kind of looked like she might tip over at any moment.
"I feel like I'm about to pop," she agreed, laughing lightly as she said it. Flo sat down with her and Savannah immediately began to braid her hair. She did it so much for all the little girls in the Children's Office that it was just a reflex. At least Mack and Flo held still better than Abby did.
"But I only started my third trimester. I guess it's the home stretch. Gives me a reason to really look forward to New Year's when it'll be over. Hold still, now, honey. It better be over, I mean. I'll be glad to be able to do things again. Funny that I'm jealous of you for being able to pick the girls up."
"Yeah, I remember, it was really rough on their mom, the last couple months," I say, smiling a little sadly at the complete lack of recognition on the girls' faces. They don't remember Eostre, really at all anymore. Pictures and little video clips aren't the same.
"But things oughta get back to normal pretty quick," I say, quirking a faint smirk, "At least as far as that goes." Even if she's giving the baby to Jack and Logan, I kinda doubt things'll ever be like it was, for her. Not completely.
"I bet. I don't know what I'd do if I was having twins," she replied. There was nothing to hold the braid in place when she was done but that didn't matter. She let the little girl go and immediately started in on the next. Her fingers just flew as she twisted the fine locks into the plait.
"I just can't wait to ride a horse. And go surfing. And run," she continued. "This is great and all and I love almost every little bit of it. But I'll be happy to get back to normal. What all did you bring for them in your pack there, Neil? I can help keep an eye on them if you want. You could probably use a minute to just sit. Watch the butterflies."
"I'm all right," I promise, laughing when Flo comes running over to me, looking at me expectantly like I'm supposed to pull a goddamn hair barrette out of thin air.
Rolling my eyes, I shrug the pack off one shoulder so I can open the front pocket, pulling out two little elastics, one blue and one purple, and dropping into a crouch so I can fasten her braid.
"We've got snacks and coloring books and bathin' suits and who knows what else," I laugh, giving Mack a look when she grumbles, "Neil wouldn't let us bring our dolls."
"Well you won't have time for dolls if you're building a butterfly house," Savannah said in a most practical tone. Mack looked at her and she nodded and with little more than that tiny suggestion the girls started gathering up supplies, sticks and grass and things.
"You mean old man, not letting them bring dolls," she teased softly. "They're real creative. I think they'll have plenty to keep them busy today. When I was little we'd build little kingdoms in the corner of the pasture. Or G.I. Joe bases. But it was usually kingdoms or fairy towns because I got my way."
"You've got brothers and sisters?" I ask, and even though I know it's not unusual or anything, but it was always just me and Mom, and what it would've been like to have a brother or sister around, growing up right alongside you, isn't something I completely understand.
With a crooked smile, I watch while Flo carefully plucks the petals off of a flower and stacks them neatly in her palm.
"Oh, no. I'm the only one. But I had Tim. He was my neighbor," she explained, but her words were hesitant as she hedged the truth without outright lying.
It was such a nice day with bright sunshine, sweet company, and happy little girls fluttering around just as lightly as the butterflies. The last thing she wanted to do was start missing her best friend, her fiancee, her life and the love she had had before here. Now she had friends but they weren't the same. She had no one here who had known her for her whole life. Now she had people who only knew her by her words and acts, there was no one who knew her the way Tim did. No one who knew who she really was.
Savannah swallowed and looked down at her fingers, picking at her nails a bit.
"What about you?" she asked, far more comfortable with shifting the focus away from herself. "Do you have a big family?"
"No. Uh, it was just me and Mom. She only ever had me, and I never met my dad," I shrug, and it's something that bothered me growing up more than I ever really admit to, which is the reason I spent so much time trying to make up stories about him. Make him out to be something wonderful, when he abandoned us and probably wasn't worth shit.
But now, it doesn't seem to matter all that much.
"Their family keeps changin'," I say of the girls, while they're distracted gathering twigs. "They seem like they're okay with it, but it's just... I dunno." I don't want to freak her out, and I'm sure it's nothing she hasn't already thought about, but having babies here has different risks than out there in the real world, I think.
"They're good little girls, Neil. You don't need to worry. You're their dad, but they belong to so many. Or, if you look at some of their drawings, it might be more correct to say so many people belong to them. In school we kept hearing that thing that it takes a village to raise a child? It was a metaphor back home but here it's kind of literal, don't you think? I think so. Working in the children's office you get to know just how many people are involved in these kids's lives," Savannah said.
She usually had such a naivete about her and then there were times she could turn around with real wisdom. She wasn't as clueless as Tim assumed she was. Savannah liked to see the bright side of things and held tight to hope, but there were certain things that were simply the truth and she had no issue with saying such things outright.
"They have been through a lot of changes," she conceded with a nod. "But you're doing just fine, Neil. They're just fine."
But the baby sure had screwed all that up. She found there were things she hadn't planned on and losing the ability to surf was just one of many. No way she could lay on her belly to paddle out and that didn't even take into account how bad her balance was anymore. The baby had forced her to make changes and so instead of surfing, Savannah went and watched things. Sometimes it was the horses, sometimes birds. Today it was butterflies who seemed to like to congregate in this garden that looked as if it had been well tended at one time but now needed a good pruning and weeding. Watching the butterflies didn't clear her mind quite as much as surfing, but it came close.
She was lost in thought and only just looked up when the girls started coming to her. She held out her hands but didn't even try to get up off the ground. She didn't dare sit cross legged in the children's room, knowing she'd never be able to get up quick. But here it was all right.
"Now, don't they just have you wrapped around a finger," she said as she saw Neil carrying a full load. "You must be planning a day."
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"You're lookin' like you're about to pop," I tell Savannah with a huff of laughter, even though I know that's not true. She's got a little while to go, but still. It's always kinda crazy how big they get, especially when they were tiny to start out with. Eostre was so short, so damn low to the ground, she always kind of looked like she might tip over at any moment.
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"But I only started my third trimester. I guess it's the home stretch. Gives me a reason to really look forward to New Year's when it'll be over. Hold still, now, honey. It better be over, I mean. I'll be glad to be able to do things again. Funny that I'm jealous of you for being able to pick the girls up."
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"But things oughta get back to normal pretty quick," I say, quirking a faint smirk, "At least as far as that goes." Even if she's giving the baby to Jack and Logan, I kinda doubt things'll ever be like it was, for her. Not completely.
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"I just can't wait to ride a horse. And go surfing. And run," she continued. "This is great and all and I love almost every little bit of it. But I'll be happy to get back to normal. What all did you bring for them in your pack there, Neil? I can help keep an eye on them if you want. You could probably use a minute to just sit. Watch the butterflies."
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Rolling my eyes, I shrug the pack off one shoulder so I can open the front pocket, pulling out two little elastics, one blue and one purple, and dropping into a crouch so I can fasten her braid.
"We've got snacks and coloring books and bathin' suits and who knows what else," I laugh, giving Mack a look when she grumbles, "Neil wouldn't let us bring our dolls."
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"You mean old man, not letting them bring dolls," she teased softly. "They're real creative. I think they'll have plenty to keep them busy today. When I was little we'd build little kingdoms in the corner of the pasture. Or G.I. Joe bases. But it was usually kingdoms or fairy towns because I got my way."
Reply
With a crooked smile, I watch while Flo carefully plucks the petals off of a flower and stacks them neatly in her palm.
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It was such a nice day with bright sunshine, sweet company, and happy little girls fluttering around just as lightly as the butterflies. The last thing she wanted to do was start missing her best friend, her fiancee, her life and the love she had had before here. Now she had friends but they weren't the same. She had no one here who had known her for her whole life. Now she had people who only knew her by her words and acts, there was no one who knew her the way Tim did. No one who knew who she really was.
Savannah swallowed and looked down at her fingers, picking at her nails a bit.
"What about you?" she asked, far more comfortable with shifting the focus away from herself. "Do you have a big family?"
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But now, it doesn't seem to matter all that much.
"Their family keeps changin'," I say of the girls, while they're distracted gathering twigs. "They seem like they're okay with it, but it's just... I dunno." I don't want to freak her out, and I'm sure it's nothing she hasn't already thought about, but having babies here has different risks than out there in the real world, I think.
Reply
She usually had such a naivete about her and then there were times she could turn around with real wisdom. She wasn't as clueless as Tim assumed she was. Savannah liked to see the bright side of things and held tight to hope, but there were certain things that were simply the truth and she had no issue with saying such things outright.
"They have been through a lot of changes," she conceded with a nod. "But you're doing just fine, Neil. They're just fine."
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