Christmas Blues

[speakscanadian]

"You have got to be kidding me."

That had been Ray's initial reaction anyway. Nearly five minutes later and his language had turned a bit more colorful. He'd tackled the mistletoe methodically, trying to rip it away so it would let him loose but he was still caught beneath it, looking like a prized idiot most probably. It was pretty much the end of

Comments

[colbert_bump]

Guess who completely missed out on all of that yelling? Rev. Fr. Professor Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, Esquire, D.F.A, that's who.

Stephen was just coming in out of the cold, full of the kind of cheer he was only full of around this time of year. Even though he wasn't home with his wife and kids and servants and money, he still appreciated the month of cold weather.

It was a little odder than usual out there, but he wasn't too bothered by it.

What he was bothered with, however, was the way he suddenly found himself unable to move. He kept trying, which just managed to shake snow all over Ray's feet. Oh, Stephen hadn't even noticed him there.

"This better not be what I think it is."

[speakscanadian]

"Oh my God," Ray whined, tipping his head back and imploring the heavens. Why couldn't a hot woman have walked underneath instead? That, he could have worked with. "Keep your snow to yourself!"

[colbert_bump]

Why couldn't a hot woman be stuck under there?! Because dammit, it was what Stephen thought it was. He had managed to avoid the mistletoe most of the time. Why now? What had he done to deserve this??

"What the Hell are you doing?! Don't you know what this is??" Stephen hissed, pointing up at the plant. It made more snow fall all over them.

[speakscanadian]

"Mistletoe," Ray answered plainly, "and don't take that tone with me. I was here first." Childish, maybe, but still true.

[colbert_bump]

"Yeah, and why were you here first?! Don't you know how things work around here?!" Angrily, Stephen tore the hat from his head, which sent a small pile of snow dust into Ray's face.

[speakscanadian]

"I told you to stop that," Ray snapped, brushing the snow from his clothes and feeling it melt into soggy patches. The island definitely had it out for him today, otherwise it would have stuck him with absolutely anyone else. "Stick to your side and I'll stick to mine."

[colbert_bump]

"I'm not doing anything!" Stephen said, pulling off his mittens. Yes, mittens. It's all the box would give him. "But that's fine with me, sir. We'll just stand here for as long as it takes."

[speakscanadian]

"Great." It couldn't actually have been less great and Ray was sure the sarcasm was more than evident in his tone. "I get to kiss the first person to come along," he warned. He had been there the longest, after all.

[colbert_bump]

"I'd like to see you try!" Stephen exclaimed, now in the middle of flinging his scarf to the ground. "Wait, scratch that. If a man comes by, or someone under...let's go with eighteen, walks by, you can kiss them. Otherwise, we are at war, sir."

[speakscanadian]

Ray opened his mouth to retort before he looked at Stephen curiously. "..You wouldn't kiss a guy to get outta here?"

[colbert_bump]

Stephen scoffed at that. "I haven't kissed you, have I? I'm not gay."

[speakscanadian]

Ray stared at him for a long, long moment. His gaze flicked briefly up to the mistletoe and then he was launching himself at Stephen, lips pursed and aiming for his cheek. His hands were grabbing for the other man's head, so desperate he was to get free.

[colbert_bump]

Stephen flailed backwards, not that he could get anywhere with the movement, damn mistletoe, and gave a scandalized gasp. He tried pushing Ray away and wondered why everyone he seemed to know on the island was gay.

"What are you doing?! I thought we had an agreement to stay under here until hot women came along, or we both turn to skeletons and die!"

[speakscanadian]

"Fine, you wanna stay here? Because I am this close to peeing on your shoes," Ray warned, holding up two fingers an inch apart. "One kiss on the cheek and your--" He glanced down and was instantly disappointed. "Fake Guccis are safe."

[colbert_bump]

Stephen ignored the shoe comment, because why would he get non-American made clothing, anyway? He wasn't some kind of traitor.

However, his shoes had already once been ruined by someone's bodily fluids, and he didn't want to go through it again.

"Fine. But if a cheek-kiss only works on the person doing it, you are staying here until I get free, too!" Maybe cheek kisses didn't work at all, but he wasn't dwelling on that horrible thought.

[speakscanadian]

"Of course I will," Ray lied woodenly, psyching himself up for what he was about to do. Mentally-prepared, he leaned forward a few moments later, kept his lips as closed as possible and planted one on Stephen's cheek.

He leaned back, eyebrows raised expectantly, waiting.

"...how long's it supposed to take?" He wiggled his toes, feet still glued to the floor.