(Untitled)

[dogbitesman]

Believing one's child to be more advanced than they actually were was a fine tradition of parenthood, and like most fine traditions, William was inclined to dismiss it out of hand, or at least expose it to a great deal of skepticism. He'd read the literature.

So he resolutely did not believe that what Olivia was trying to say was babae, a

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[gildylocks]

Gilderoy knew from the moment he'd gone to the compound for his morning sprucing up that he was headed to the beach that day. Unfortunately, the box did not produce another golden outfit as the one he'd found the previous week, but he had found something quite reasonable for the beach.

The trouble with a magical clothes box is that, as all magical things are prone to be, it was a magic. It did not play by any particular rules. So an outfit typically made for a woman was easily adjusted in certain places such that even someone such as Gilderoy Lockhart, who could fabricate his own clothes, was fooled.

"Be careful!" Gilderoy exclaimed as he came upon father and child on the beach. "I wrote a book about household pests once," he began, but didn't finish as the creature changed directions and moved toward Gilderoy. For his part, Gilderoy shrieked and ran in the opposite direction. The running was completely unnecessary as the shrieking had caused the crab to scuttle away from the sound.

[dogbitesman]

There were a number of questions that occurred, but since the man wasn't claiming to have written a book about fashion, William didn't start there.

"Do they really qualify as household pets if they're not found in households?" he said. The shrieking wasn't really an answer, but it did distract him from wanting one, as it had redirected the crab towards him. He snatched up the nearest stick and prodded the ground in front of it awkwardly, which seemed to give it pause.

[gildylocks]

Gilderoy might have corrected the other man and repeated the word pests, possibly spelled it out and then gone on to explain how the book included any number of pests found in and around households not just the ones to be found inside of households. However, it was a useless point to make since the book was about magical pests and this creature, though perhaps possessed, was not magical. Or at least, it lacked magic on the island.

Instead, Gilderoy simply recoiled a bit away from the small leggy thing and said nothing. For a moment. One that did not last very long. "Swish and flick," Gilderoy replied, certain he'd heard or read that phrase somewhere, probably from his own books. He gave a wave of his hand as though to demonstrate how one would swish and flick away a crab.

[dogbitesman]

"...swish?" William said, turning his head slightly so he could keep the crab in the corner of his vision while still looking at the other man. "That doesn't seem very... technical. How does one swish?"

[gildylocks]

"Swish!" he repeated as though repetition of the word would somehow make it all clearer. "It's a very technical term," Gilderoy continued, getting slightly annoyed. He made a few more movements with his hand to demonstrate. The demonstration only served to further annoy Gilderoy by reminding him of what it felt like to use magic again and reminding him that magic was no longer his to control.

"Oh just hand it over," he said, making a grab for the stick.

[dogbitesman]

"There are plenty of sticks!" William protested, feeling both that he should not relinquish his current status as holder of the stick and thus protector of his daughter, and also that if he didn't have a stick the crab could get him. "And I don't think swish is very technical at all!"

[gildylocks]

Gilderoy needed the stick, not only to demonstrate that swish was quite technical, but also for the same reason that William needed it. Being without a stick meant the crab could get to him. His logic being something along the lines of the age old question how do you escape being attacked by a large, vicious mammal? By running faster than the other person. In this case, by having a stick.

Since the other man so rudely was not going to give up his stick, Gilderoy backed away from the crab and reached for one without taking his eyes off the creature the entire time. After several failed attempts, he was finally in possession of a stick as well. "Swish is technical. It passed my editor," he said, standing firm on the subject. And then holding his stick up as he would his own wand, he attempted to demonstrate a swish. This resulted in the stick breaking in half and nearly hitting Gilderoy in the face

[dogbitesman]

"Possibly your editor needs a new job," William said, watching this with some consternation. "I wouldn't have let that pass."

The crab did not seem to be advancing, but William swept the stick in front of it just in case. He did not attempt a swish, because he preferred not hitting himself in the face.

[gildylocks]

"Well I wouldn't have hired you," Gilderoy replied as he continued his search for a suitable stick. This was why Olivander had his profession and why Gilderoy was not a wand maker.

"I've published ten books without your help," he said as his hand finally closed around a more sturdy looking stick. "Including Magical Me." Which he said while turning his nose up slightly and straightening his posture. He was too distracted to attempt another swish just yet.

[dogbitesman]

"'Magical Me'?" William said, not particularly bothering to hide his skepticism. "Self-help? One of those books of mantras?"

[gildylocks]

"Autobiographical. And a best-seller too," Gilderoy replied, ignoring the tone in the other man's voice. He turned to say something else and realized his error just in time to back away from the crab. It hadn't moved forward, Gilderoy's movement had been completely precautionary, allowing for plenty of room for reaction.

[dogbitesman]

Tony instinctively moved back when Mr Magical Me did, assuming there was cause, and threw a hand up in front of Olivia as if the crab would make a leap for her.

There was not, it turned out, cause for alarm. "Because you are... famous?" he said. He did not sound convinced. "For household pest control."

[gildylocks]

"Obviously," Gilderoy replied, readying himself for another go with the swish and flick thing. "Amongst other things. As you'll recall, I said earlier that I'd published ten books."

Then, pulling his new stick quickly upward, thus demonstrating the proper execution of 'swish,' he gave a quick flick of the stick toward the crab so as to flick it into the ocean. What resulted instead was a dull thunk sound and the crab not moving whatsoever.

"Well I'm afraid your crab problem is simply hopeless. I do wish you and your daughter a pleasant day. I suggest a hasty retreat or a relocation of festivities. Especially as it may call for more of its friends or make a sudden movement. A mad dash for your leg perhaps or climb this tree and spring itself upon you." Stern warning in place, Gilderoy, and his stick, made a hasty retreat up the beach to follow his own advice and relocate his festivities.