he's going the distance, he's going for speed

[new_ophelia]

"Sam!"

She knew this day would come, but it seems too early. He's still so little and she should have more time to prepare, mentally and strategically. It shouldn't be this way. She's supposed to have more time.

There's just no way Sam should be able to unclip his leash already.

It's like every bad made for TV movie Kate's ever seen. She only left him

Comments

[moraldyslexic]

Lennox wasn't exactly in any shape to carry Sam with him, not when he was still struggling with the crutches, but he had managed to convince the little boy that following him was a great game and was hobbling down the boardwalk when he heard Kate's voice.

"It's okay!" he called back, stumbling to a stop when Sam made a grab for one of the crutches. "Kate, I found him! We're on the boardwalk. He's playing with my crutches."

[new_ophelia]

Kate sprints at a dead run when she hears Jim calling. She skitters to a stop a couple of yards away, eyes wide as she takes in her intact and not-eaten son.

"Jesus," she moans, dropping to a crouch, face buried in her hands. "Jesus."

[moraldyslexic]

Sam looked at his mom, his eyes a little wide and Lennox tried to drop a hand to his head, trying to be reassuring. "Hey, it's okay," he said, wishing he could just go to her, but he was still having enough trouble with the crutches that he wasn't sure he wouldn't just fall on her. "Kate, it's okay. He's fine. Come on. Come over here."

[new_ophelia]

Kate takes another moment to mutter the most creative curse words into her hands as she can think of before straightening back up.

It won't do any good if she strangles Sam after having finally found him.

"Sam," she forces out, kneeling down next to him. She pushes a hand through his curls and takes a deep breath. "You do not leave the yard without me. You know that. You do not do that."

Sam stares, bottom lip starting to jut out as he does a perfect impression of Jack when he was in trouble.

[moraldyslexic]

This was the part Lennox wasn't sure if he was supposed to do upon finding Sam. He'd thought about telling him not to wander away from his mom, but he figured things like that were usually better coming from a parent.

"He wasn't far," he said. "Just wandering down the boardwalk."

[new_ophelia]

"Far enough," she says tightly, scooping Sam up onto her hips as she lets out a shaky sigh, fighting back those hysterical tears from earlier.

"Thanks for keeping him with you. Little shit. Can't believe he can unclip his leash."

[moraldyslexic]

"Come on, let's get him back to your place," Lennox said, trying to sound encouraging and calm. He couldn't even know how hard it was, but there was a part of him that could imagine. Emmy and Dill weren't his kids, but he didn't know what he'd do if they went missing.

[new_ophelia]

Sam, now properly cowed, lays his head on Kate's shoulder, staring back at Jim. Jim is most likely looking like a more appealing option.

"What am I supposed to do, now?" she wonders, slowing down to match Jim's pace. "I mean, is it okay to build pens for your child? Is that like, wrong?"

[moraldyslexic]

"Well, people use playpens, don't they?" Lennox asked, figuring it probably wasn't the worst thing. "But something like that isn't going to keep him from wandering off forever."

[new_ophelia]

"God, I can't even go there," she groans, hitching Sam up a little higher. "I can't watch him all the time. I just...I need something to work right now. Jack left before all of this was even an issue."

[moraldyslexic]

Lennox frowned, wishing he wasn't on crutches so he could at least reach out and put his arm around Kate. Instead, he said, "We'll help you figure something out. You're not alone with this, you know. I can watch him any time you want as soon as my ankle's healed."

[new_ophelia]

"I know," she murmurs, shooting him a grateful, if shaky smile. "I just feel like I shouldn't have to make everyone else watch him and raise him just because I can't handle it. Maybe I'll get Iron Man to make him a tracking chip or something. One of those ankle bracelets that prisoners wear."

[moraldyslexic]

"Hey, it's not that you can't handle it," Lennox said, still wishing he could put his arm around her. "It's a tough thing. I watched my friend Amy do it with her son... shit, with our son... it's not easy. She took help. You're allowed to do that."

[new_ophelia]

There are a thousand arguments Kate has about that. About how her son deserves better than Kate is doing because he deserves both parents. But as it stands now, she's mostly just failing all around.

"I'm not good at asking for help," she says seriously, as if Jim somehow hasn't noticed this in the past 3 1/2 years.

[moraldyslexic]

"Well, you don't have to ask, because I'm offering," Lennox said seriously. "You didn't ask to be left either and, fuck, Kate, you know I know how much that sucks. But no one let me do that alone and no one's gonna let you do this alone either. We're all here for you and for this little escape artist. Okay?"

[new_ophelia]

Kate blinks against the sudden sting of tears at all of that. She's wound so tight and even after six months it feels like all it takes is a shove to bring the whole wall down.

"Okay," she manages, clearing her throat after a moment. "Maybe, maybe he could go with someone for an hour each day. I could do that. That's not too much, right?"