(Untitled)

[daretodo]

"Masked Menaces!" the headline reads. "Costumed Caperers Could be Kinapping Your Children!!!" A picture of some poor slob dressed up in a frankly terribly Spidey costume takes up a good chunk of the page. The caption? "POISONOUS INFLUENCE: This man is clearly up to no good. Look at him

Comments

[daretodo]

"Mary Jane..." I start, her name getting caught in my throat. There's so many things I want to say -- no, there's so many things I need to say -- that I don't even know where to start. An apology seems warranted but somehow it's not enough. My word has never been particularly reliable. I make promises I can't keep, threats I'd never come through with. When it comes to the old adage 'actions speak louder than words,' you'll be hard-pressed to find someone who exemplifies it more.

Looking down at her now, I experience, for one of the first times in my life, a sense of vertigo. I'm Scottie and she's Judy Barton, so similar to my Mary Jane -- to my Madeleine, if you will -- except for a few key differences. She’s younger. Her eyes are blue. She doesn’t know Gwen Stacy and John Jameson was never a villain. Thing is, though, unlike Jimmy Stewart, I don't want to change her. As far as I'm concerned, Mary Jane -- any Mary Jane -- is perfect just the way she is.

And that's what makes this so hard. My behavior last week was inexcusable, sure, but it's worse than that. It's a betrayal to two people: Mary Jane, my wife -- because I shouldn’t care about who an other woman spends time with -- and Mary Jane, my friend -- who didn’t deserve to be publicly humiliated because of a case of temporary insanity.

"I-- No."

[getemtiger]

"Oh." Given what was on the paper she was holding, both subject material and the writing itself, Mary Jane couldn't say she was surprised, but almost despite herself, she was a little disappointed, too. She was even less sure of herself now than she'd been a moment before, and probably looked it, too, standing in the middle of the path with a torn newspaper in her hand, looking up nervously at Peter. Things had been weird between them from the beginning, but this was the worst. "Well, alright, then."

Still, she didn't move yet, lingering where she stood. Either walking away or asking if she could head up there were equally likely to make things worse, and she wasn't sure she wanted to do either.

[daretodo]

"I'm sorry."

Those two words -- those two horribly inadequate words -- hang awkwardly in the air. I find myself wishing for some sort of distraction, an emergency to dash off to or anything, really, that requires the expertise of Spider-Man and not Peter Parker. But there's no mask to hide behind. No clever joke to break the tension. There's just the both of us and the empty space between.

I crouch on the ledge, my head buried in my hands, and I pull at my hair. The thing is, for all that those two blasted words are virtually meaningless, they're a start. Maybe not a good one -- no, definitely not a good one -- but they are a start.

[getemtiger]

Where she'd been standing there awkwardly shifting her weight before, Mary Jane went completely still when he spoke. All things considered, the apology shouldn't have been unexpected. Who he'd been a couple of weeks before wasn't really him, and she was confident in that; that wasn't the problem. She still didn't know what she was supposed to do with something like that. It wouldn't change what had happened.

"Oh," she said, no proper response coming to mind just yet. What she did know, though, was that here and now was not the time and place for this, with him a story above her, so openly with people coming and going on the path. "Should, um - do you want me to come up?"

[daretodo]

"Er, do you want to come up?" I ask, throwing the question back at her. There's no easy way to do this right but there are a lot of easy ways to do this wrong. I don't want to rush or force her into anything, not even forgiving me.

I've lived with guilt* for a long time. It's nothing I'm not used to.

*Check out all the scintillating details in Amazing Fantasy #15!

[getemtiger]

Again, Mary Jane hesitated, which, in retrospect, probably wasn't the greatest idea. She couldn't help it, though, and in the end, she nodded. "It'd probably be a good idea," she answered, shrugging as if to try to downplay the prospect. "Since, you know..." She gestured out to her side, offering an apologetic smile to the slim young blonde walking by, as if to prove her point. "People."

[daretodo]

It's not until she points it out that I realize we're not alone. Talk about wearing blinders.

And so, smiling sheepishly, I nod and say, "Right."

[getemtiger]

With that, Mary Jane headed towards the ladder, the somewhat crumpled papers tucked under one arm as she began ascending. The roof still wasn't as private as she'd ideally have liked to be having a conversation like the one they would inevitably need to have, but it was better than how they'd been moments before. Besides, no matter what happened, he was worth the effort.

"Hey," she said weakly once she'd reached the roof, lifting her free hand in a slight wave. "This is better. Quieter, you know."

[daretodo]

"Yeah."

I shift awkwardly, my hands held loosely at my sides. I can't help but think how different I look from the last time we saw each other -- well, before what happened with Gambit. I'm wearing color, for one, even if it is a sort of drab, olive green sweater vest over a white collared shirt. My shoes are tucked behind one of the stacks of books, so I'm standing in my socks.

Suffice it to say, I'm not about to bust a move anytime soon.

"Uh..."

[getemtiger]

"So who was she?" Mary Jane blurted out before she could stop herself, fighting to keep her expression even, though her voice already wasn't. Try though she might, there was no denying how much it had hurt to see him with someone else, and clearly just to make a point to her. That more than the fight with Gambit was what had upset her, though paired together, the two incidents made the whole few days the worst she'd had in a while, and that was counting a lot of messed up things. Now, though, she didn't think this could get much worse. "The girl you were with."

[daretodo]

"No one," I say quickly, starting forward before I even have a chance to think about it. "Someone I kind of knew back home -- even though she was a he back there, jeez, my life is complicated -- but she's no one, I swear."

[getemtiger]

Again she was struck by just how dumb it was that she actually cared, but she tried not to dwell on that for now. She'd made clear what she wanted already, a while before, and he had made equally as clear that he didn't want the same thing. She couldn't blame him for that, either.

"You just... wanted to make a scene?" she guessed, unsure why she was even bothering to ask. It wasn't like he'd been in his right mind at the time. She deliberately didn't add, though, something about it having been, as he'd put it, for her.

[daretodo]

"Pretty much?" I offer, fully aware of how pitiful I sound. Sighing, I pivot to my right and start to pace, gesticulating every so often in punctuation of some point or another. "Mary Jane...I can't even make of sense of what I did. I was...insane. Jealous. Which makes no sense because you... Well, you don't owe me anything. I have no claim on you. I mean, it's not like we're--"

I stop myself short, both in speech and in action, my mouth hanging open mutely until I remember to snap it shut. Turning to face her, I push my hands through my hair and I mutter, "It's not like we're together."

[getemtiger]

"Well, it's not like you wanted to be, either," Mary Jane pointed out before she could stop herself, unable to help the edge rising in her voice. Just because she'd been able to guess that was the reason -- in the same words, even -- didn't make it any easier to hear. That day in the kitchen, she hadn't been at all subtle about what she'd wanted from him. Despite all of the complications, she was as certain about her feelings for him here as she had been back home, and she'd been confident enough there to run out of her own wedding. He was the one who'd been holding back.

[daretodo]

I deserve that. I know I deserve that. And still, despite my better judgment -- heh, me with better judgment, that's a good one -- I find myself blurting out, "Well, it's not like I don't want it, either, too! God!"

I'm not even sure if it makes sense. The double negative trips me up a little, but somehow I think she'll get the gist of my meaning, anyway.

[getemtiger]

Mary Jane did get the gist, and froze where she stood, only staring at him for a moment. Her first instinct was to fight back, to say that that wasn't fair, but she couldn't bring herself to; in the end, he meant too much to her for that, and she wasn't about to ruin what would probably be her only chance with him.

"Well, you need to make up your mind," she told him after a moment, head lowering along with her voice, eyes fixed somewhere around her feet. "You can't act like - like you own me, or something, and then push me away like you did before." She didn't think she needed to get any more specific about that incident. It wasn't all she had to say, though, and managing to keep her hesitation at bay, she added, "But if you want me, I'm yours. All you have to do is say so."