All The Fucked Up Things Trap and Punish Me, I Can Not Explain My Problems
Not really anything written directed at anyone in particular, more like something directed towards people in general. I can't stand when I hear people like Paul bullshit their way with shit and their life. Fuck that. Sometimes I stare into the eyes of people and I listen to them speak about things as if it's the end of the world, and then I listen to all of their stories and I laugh inside because they have no idea what the fuck they're talking about. As if they really are on the end of a thin fucking rope hanging by an edge. Why? Maybe it's because I'm jealous when I see these things. When I see the what they've had, and I remember that there was a time when I sat around and wished...pleaded to some divine force to simply have a touch of that. People...they really don't know what they have and how good they might have it. They really don't. And then they think that having all these parties is everything and will make life better. No...it won't. I sit here all night with everything I wished for as a kid...everything I wanted is right in front of my face. I have women all over me. I can get any drugs I want from weed to crack/cocaine simply by asking the contacts at the club...and some of this shit I can get for free very easily simply by asking a friend. I can go anywhere and do anything I damn well please. I've got random people crashing at my house bringing all the booze a man can need. I have invitations flying left and right, and when I pass them up they simply invite themselves into my bedroom for their parties. I'm telling you now...it does nothing. I don't mean to sound ungreatful, because I'm happy that I'm free and I have a lot of fun on my plate. It is a good thing, it's just not the RIGHT thing.
The point is that there's still a huge gapping hole inside of me where something is supposed to fit, and I hate when people sit around and cry because they want to live the life I have, but I'm staring right at them and I see that they have or have at least had something I've always wanted and I hate that. What's worse is when people look at me like I'm a reject because I'm the sour apple of this whole thing. But can I really help that? There are chances I've past up in life yes. There's no mistaking that and I'm not going to escape the blame for throwing oppertunities out the window or simply kicking these oppertunities in the teeth (metaphoricly of course). But this only brings me back to what I was saying earlier. If it was something I didn't want to be a part of, would it have made me happy in the first place? Would I still be able to sit here and say "I lived that and it did nothing" or would I be able to shun that away and discover something new so that i'd be able to say "I was a part of something great." In the end I can never certainly know, but I can easily spectiulate and assume that if I didn't believe it was right for me then that's just it...It wasn't. In the end this is exactly why I guess I have lived my youth the way I have. Perhaps I am too cynical or perhaps I am just someone who thinks in a way far beyond the typical perception of you kids. Perhaps I am simply the untouched wiseman sitting alone in his corner waiting to be heard. I have had my chances, and I have had my hoplessness. I have been considered a hero, and a criminal. I have had my share of fun, and I have had my share of torture. I've seen and felt it all at such a young age, but there is one thing I want that I've never had. One dream that I refuse to let go of.
Peace.
---
Testament-Return To Serenity
I'm gonna take you
To a place far from here
No one will see us
Watch the pain as it disappears
No time for anger
No time for despair
Won't you come with me
There's a room for us there
This innocent beauty
My words can't describe
This rebirth purity
Brings a sullen tear right to your eyes
No time for anger
No time for despair
Please let me take you
'cause I'm already there
I'm so alone
My head's my home
I'll return to serenity
Rhyme without reason is why children cry
They see through the system
That's breeding them just so they die
So please let me take you
And I'll show you the truth
Inside my reality
We shared in youth
I'm so alone
My head's my home
And I feel
So alone
You know
At last
I'll return to serenity
Now that I've taken you
To a place far from here
I really must go back
Close your eyes and we'll disappear
Won't you come with me
Salvation we'll share
Inside of my head now
There's a room for us there
The point is that there's still a huge gapping hole inside of me where something is supposed to fit, and I hate when people sit around and cry because they want to live the life I have, but I'm staring right at them and I see that they have or have at least had something I've always wanted and I hate that. What's worse is when people look at me like I'm a reject because I'm the sour apple of this whole thing. But can I really help that? There are chances I've past up in life yes. There's no mistaking that and I'm not going to escape the blame for throwing oppertunities out the window or simply kicking these oppertunities in the teeth (metaphoricly of course). But this only brings me back to what I was saying earlier. If it was something I didn't want to be a part of, would it have made me happy in the first place? Would I still be able to sit here and say "I lived that and it did nothing" or would I be able to shun that away and discover something new so that i'd be able to say "I was a part of something great." In the end I can never certainly know, but I can easily spectiulate and assume that if I didn't believe it was right for me then that's just it...It wasn't. In the end this is exactly why I guess I have lived my youth the way I have. Perhaps I am too cynical or perhaps I am just someone who thinks in a way far beyond the typical perception of you kids. Perhaps I am simply the untouched wiseman sitting alone in his corner waiting to be heard. I have had my chances, and I have had my hoplessness. I have been considered a hero, and a criminal. I have had my share of fun, and I have had my share of torture. I've seen and felt it all at such a young age, but there is one thing I want that I've never had. One dream that I refuse to let go of.
Peace.
---
Testament-Return To Serenity
I'm gonna take you
To a place far from here
No one will see us
Watch the pain as it disappears
No time for anger
No time for despair
Won't you come with me
There's a room for us there
This innocent beauty
My words can't describe
This rebirth purity
Brings a sullen tear right to your eyes
No time for anger
No time for despair
Please let me take you
'cause I'm already there
I'm so alone
My head's my home
I'll return to serenity
Rhyme without reason is why children cry
They see through the system
That's breeding them just so they die
So please let me take you
And I'll show you the truth
Inside my reality
We shared in youth
I'm so alone
My head's my home
And I feel
So alone
You know
At last
I'll return to serenity
Now that I've taken you
To a place far from here
I really must go back
Close your eyes and we'll disappear
Won't you come with me
Salvation we'll share
Inside of my head now
There's a room for us there