sifting through the madness
these past few days have been really important.
some of the best and worst of my life.
i'm thankful so very very gracious.
i already said that last night was to me one of the best nights we've ever spent together.
but only after it was hands down the worst.
i felt like i could read her like a book.
and that book was all short stories with tragic endings
and i had a lot of feelings that made me sick to my stomach.
because i don't believe that it's wrong to take chances or hurt myself in the name of recklessness or in the name of what the fuck ever kick i'm on that day[and for the record, i still believe wholeheartedly in being young and stupid and reckless] and no, i don't believe that drugs are inherently wrong.
but i absolutely believe with every ounce of my being that if i had lost that girl and the love that we share over some stupid fucking thing like that, i would never again been able to face myself.
i would be a worthless person.
every word i ever would have spoken would have been worthless, every action just a motion, every relationship just a living lie.
maybe i'm stupid and maybe i do things i know i shouldn't and maybe i'm just destined to be and make a giant mess all the time and maybe i get real fucked up when i'm sober and real fucked up when i'm not, but i think i do have my priorities straight.
and you're number one, girl.
so i won't give up on that.
and i'm sorry god i'm so sorry that i hurt you.
because that's the one thing i never wanted to do.
and that's my one apology.
i guess she forgave me because she ______________ and then she _____________.
and then the sun came up and we were us again.
sleeping too little too late and making it through today with only her heartbeat to keep me steady.
and this is all so important that i probably have more to say still, but i'm still sorting things out so i'll leave it here for now.
the way to create art is to burn and destroy
ordinary concepts and to substitute them
with new truths that run down from the top of the head
and out from the heart.
isaac brock and tim kasher talk about him, so i should have known he'd be cool.
this book reminds me about how excited i got in high school when i bought my first copy of 'leaves of grass'.
god damn i love poetry.
brandon.
some of the best and worst of my life.
i'm thankful so very very gracious.
i already said that last night was to me one of the best nights we've ever spent together.
but only after it was hands down the worst.
i felt like i could read her like a book.
and that book was all short stories with tragic endings
and i had a lot of feelings that made me sick to my stomach.
because i don't believe that it's wrong to take chances or hurt myself in the name of recklessness or in the name of what the fuck ever kick i'm on that day[and for the record, i still believe wholeheartedly in being young and stupid and reckless] and no, i don't believe that drugs are inherently wrong.
but i absolutely believe with every ounce of my being that if i had lost that girl and the love that we share over some stupid fucking thing like that, i would never again been able to face myself.
i would be a worthless person.
every word i ever would have spoken would have been worthless, every action just a motion, every relationship just a living lie.
maybe i'm stupid and maybe i do things i know i shouldn't and maybe i'm just destined to be and make a giant mess all the time and maybe i get real fucked up when i'm sober and real fucked up when i'm not, but i think i do have my priorities straight.
and you're number one, girl.
so i won't give up on that.
and i'm sorry god i'm so sorry that i hurt you.
because that's the one thing i never wanted to do.
and that's my one apology.
i guess she forgave me because she ______________ and then she _____________.
and then the sun came up and we were us again.
sleeping too little too late and making it through today with only her heartbeat to keep me steady.
and this is all so important that i probably have more to say still, but i'm still sorting things out so i'll leave it here for now.
the way to create art is to burn and destroy
ordinary concepts and to substitute them
with new truths that run down from the top of the head
and out from the heart.
isaac brock and tim kasher talk about him, so i should have known he'd be cool.
this book reminds me about how excited i got in high school when i bought my first copy of 'leaves of grass'.
god damn i love poetry.
brandon.