Sex, Gender, and Who's-On-Top
Inspired by stupid seme/uke debates, and far too much whining over gender roles:
Now, admittedly, I've bitched about female characters in the past. I hate it when characters I know to be tough and intelligent are portrayed as brainless, helpless whiners. Normally, people refer to a lot of very undesirable traits as being "womanly" or "feminine". After a fashion, I got tired of it. I'm a woman, right? I've got plenty of those so-called "womanly" traits, but I don't think of myself as weepy or helpless. So, what do you call it then?
Well, I have a lovely adolescent psychology textbook which I read a great deal of over the long weekend. In it, they address sex, gender and 'scripts'.
Sex is, very simply, the biological designation of XX for woman and XY for man. It's physical, which goes along with many physiological differences, everything from bone structure to brain size.
Gender is different. Gender is not so much born as developed and discovered over time, and there are gender stereotypes that may be embraced or rejected. As an example, a study was done with adults and an infant child. One group was told the child was female, another that it was male, and the last was given no specific gender, and no indications as to one sex or the other. They were given three toys to interest the child in: a doll, a truck and a teething ring. In many cases, those who thought the child was a girl offered the doll, a boy the truck. Is it that girls are inherently more interested in dolls, or is it the idea of gender-typing that has decreed that is would be more appropriate to play with a doll than a truck? And why would some adults choose to ignore this. The answer, is gender-typing.
Sidebar: Masculine and Feminine traits (from the Bem Sex Roll Inventory)[1]
Masculine: Self-reliant, defends own beliefs, independent, athletic, assertive, strong personality, forceful, analytical, has leadership abilities, willing to take risks, makes decisions easily, self-sufficient, dominant, masculine, willing to take a stand, aggressive, acts as a leader, individualistic, ambitious
Feminine: Yielding, cheerful, shy, affectionate, flatterable, loyal, feminine, sympathetic, sensitive to the needs of others, understanding, compassionate, eager to soothe hurt feelings, soft-spoken, warm, tender, gullible, childlike, does not use harsh language, loves children, gentle.
Now, as you can see, many of these traits may apply to a man OR a woman, sometimes a trait would not apply to either. Rather than judging by the gender first and the sex second, it's important to examine each individual and the traits they possess as a whole.
Dating and sex scripts follow the idea of social scripting: that people have learned to act and respond in certain ways, many of which following idea set out by their gender. In the dating world, it is often that men initiate dating, asking them out, etc, while women tend to respond, and if a woman is disinterested, it is considered strongly against their social script to pursue the relationship too strongly, lest they be labelled with negative connotations. It is absolutely true that women can initiate relationships with men, or men with men, or women with women, but in most cases, there is the initiator and the receptor.
The same is true with sex, that one partner initiates, and the other responds. Once again, either the man or the woman could initiate, and either could respond, but those possessing a more feminine trait might find themselves more interested in responding than initiating. Keep in mind also that the person who initiates is not necessarily the person who has control. In many relationships, if the person who is responding is disinterested in sex, the initiator knows to back off. Initiators and receptors don't have to remain consistent in a relationship, either. A gloomy man may find his wife becoming affectionate and aggressive if she believes it will cheer him up, and a woman may find her husband nuzzling her neck as she tries to read the last ten pages of her favorite book.
How this corresponds to two personalities that are particularly masculine, I'm not too sure. Perhaps it's a flaw in the theory, perhaps they assume that *some*one will have to 'receive'.
In any case, that's basically what I wanted to say. ^^
1- Adolescence and the Emerging Adulthood: A Cultural Approach. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett. Second Edition. 2004, 2001. Pearson Prentice Hall.
Now, admittedly, I've bitched about female characters in the past. I hate it when characters I know to be tough and intelligent are portrayed as brainless, helpless whiners. Normally, people refer to a lot of very undesirable traits as being "womanly" or "feminine". After a fashion, I got tired of it. I'm a woman, right? I've got plenty of those so-called "womanly" traits, but I don't think of myself as weepy or helpless. So, what do you call it then?
Well, I have a lovely adolescent psychology textbook which I read a great deal of over the long weekend. In it, they address sex, gender and 'scripts'.
Sex is, very simply, the biological designation of XX for woman and XY for man. It's physical, which goes along with many physiological differences, everything from bone structure to brain size.
Gender is different. Gender is not so much born as developed and discovered over time, and there are gender stereotypes that may be embraced or rejected. As an example, a study was done with adults and an infant child. One group was told the child was female, another that it was male, and the last was given no specific gender, and no indications as to one sex or the other. They were given three toys to interest the child in: a doll, a truck and a teething ring. In many cases, those who thought the child was a girl offered the doll, a boy the truck. Is it that girls are inherently more interested in dolls, or is it the idea of gender-typing that has decreed that is would be more appropriate to play with a doll than a truck? And why would some adults choose to ignore this. The answer, is gender-typing.
Sidebar: Masculine and Feminine traits (from the Bem Sex Roll Inventory)[1]
Masculine: Self-reliant, defends own beliefs, independent, athletic, assertive, strong personality, forceful, analytical, has leadership abilities, willing to take risks, makes decisions easily, self-sufficient, dominant, masculine, willing to take a stand, aggressive, acts as a leader, individualistic, ambitious
Feminine: Yielding, cheerful, shy, affectionate, flatterable, loyal, feminine, sympathetic, sensitive to the needs of others, understanding, compassionate, eager to soothe hurt feelings, soft-spoken, warm, tender, gullible, childlike, does not use harsh language, loves children, gentle.
Now, as you can see, many of these traits may apply to a man OR a woman, sometimes a trait would not apply to either. Rather than judging by the gender first and the sex second, it's important to examine each individual and the traits they possess as a whole.
Dating and sex scripts follow the idea of social scripting: that people have learned to act and respond in certain ways, many of which following idea set out by their gender. In the dating world, it is often that men initiate dating, asking them out, etc, while women tend to respond, and if a woman is disinterested, it is considered strongly against their social script to pursue the relationship too strongly, lest they be labelled with negative connotations. It is absolutely true that women can initiate relationships with men, or men with men, or women with women, but in most cases, there is the initiator and the receptor.
The same is true with sex, that one partner initiates, and the other responds. Once again, either the man or the woman could initiate, and either could respond, but those possessing a more feminine trait might find themselves more interested in responding than initiating. Keep in mind also that the person who initiates is not necessarily the person who has control. In many relationships, if the person who is responding is disinterested in sex, the initiator knows to back off. Initiators and receptors don't have to remain consistent in a relationship, either. A gloomy man may find his wife becoming affectionate and aggressive if she believes it will cheer him up, and a woman may find her husband nuzzling her neck as she tries to read the last ten pages of her favorite book.
How this corresponds to two personalities that are particularly masculine, I'm not too sure. Perhaps it's a flaw in the theory, perhaps they assume that *some*one will have to 'receive'.
In any case, that's basically what I wanted to say. ^^
1- Adolescence and the Emerging Adulthood: A Cultural Approach. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett. Second Edition. 2004, 2001. Pearson Prentice Hall.