app. #2

[flood]

basics:
_name, age, location
Christina. Seventeen. I live in Sydney, here:


_picture (please limit four & include one clear shot of your face)




art & literature:
_name a musician [or group] who has effectively changed your perspective or expanded your thinking. include lyrics that bear some significance to you, and describe their representation of your ideas & emotions.
I find this difficult not because I can't think of anything, but rather because I listen to and rely upon so much music in my life. If my life had a soundtrack, oh what a myriad of genres it would include. A few years ago I was introduced by a dear friend to Ani Difranco's music. Her first album (self-titled for those outside of "the know") means a lot to me, and the song that jumps right out at me is "Out Of Habit":

beautiful but boring
he visited me yesterday
he noticed my fingers
and asked me if I would play
I didn't really care a lot
but I couldn't think of a reason why not
I said if you don't come any closer I don't mind if you stay
my thighs have been involved in many accidents
and now I can't get insured
and I don't need to be lured by you

These particular lyrics from the song are very personal for me. I have a lot of issues with men and relationships, most of which are issues that I'm sure many women face at some point or another. Perhaps I feel a slight injustice that my guards have gone up while I've been so young, but I can't argue with the past. It is about as concrete as it gets. Arguably, that is.

art is why I get up in the morning
but my definition ends there
and it doesn't seem fair
that I'm living for something I can't even define
there you are right there
in the meantime

I don't want to play for you anymore
show me what you can do
tell me what are you here for
I want my old friends
I want my old face
I want my old mind
fuck this time and place

There are many things in my life that I hold onto without understanding why. I tend to intellectualise and rationlise very easily - almost automatically, to be perfectly honest. But often my understanding does not change my emotion or behaviour. One example of this...is my tendency to be for people what they would like for me to be. I pick up on a person's projection and I play the part. I get sick of it. It's tiring. I know it's not healthy or necessary. And yet...I continue. I am what I am not, in some ways. I confuse myself.

_explain, in depth, a particular work of art that you find meaningful, and its importance to you on a personal level.
My favourite artist is Magritte.


When I was in eighth grade we were instructed to research an artist and write a detailed report about his or her life. I chose Magritte when I saw this painting's likeness in a surrealist book upon my aunt's coffee table. I hadn't ever been terribly interested in art - I liked it, but it wasn't something I put any time at all into. I couldn't draw or paint so I figured - why bother with anyone else that could?

I was very, very wrong.

This painting was the catalyst for my love of art. Magritte and Dali are my favourites, followed closely by van Gogh and others. I probably won't ever be able to draw or paint, but Magritte showed me that it doesn't matter - I can still love what others have done.

_construct the following lists to embrace works of sentimental value:
_movies/directors
Scarface
Evil Dead
Pulp Fiction
Pi
Trainspotting
Equilibrium
Waking Life
American Beauty
Edward Scissorhands
Under The Sand
Hedwig And The Angry Inch
Storytelling
The Neverending Story

_books
Of Human Bondage
Sophie's World
Violet & Claire
Thus Spake Zarathustra
A Novel Of Burke & Hare
The Power & The Glory

_authors
Proust, Kundera, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Salinger, Pema Chodron, Maugham, Bukowski, Fante, Kafka, Oe, Marquez, Francesca Lia Block, Dawkins, Spinoza, Dickens, Nietzsche, Graham Greene

_items

• book collection
• rubber ducky collection
• cd collection
• 18th century Alice In Wonderland figurines
• 17th century copy of Romeo & Juliet
• box of letters
• thoughtbook + v. small pencil
• watch (a family heirloom)

personal & political:
_what is one social ill you wish you could change and why? how does this affect you in your daily life, or in the lives of those around you?
Thomas Jefferson said that "Those who would sacrifice a little freedom for a little security will lose both and deserve neither." We are not a socialist state, the desires of the many do not out weigh the rights of the few. The rights of all groups and all individuals no matter how small, poor, weak, or unpopular, are sacred. Those rights are sacred regardless of what the majority believes will increase public safety. That is one of the founding principles that this country is based on. The individual's rights are sacred, they are beyond question, and they are most certainly beyond arbitrary time restrictions, set by intolerant politicians. (Gerber 1)

All of the authors of such papers are intelligent people who have felt the injustices of bias and they are attempting to end the injustices. Laws targeting teenagers of this era are every bit as immoral and unjustified as those that targeted African Americans in our past. This community is on a traceable downfall, and ageism is one of the problems that is taking it there.

I am not an activist. I don't profess to be one, either. I don't often take much of an interest in "social ills" because I am a cynic and I don't believe much in change-for-the-best. Not while money mongering politicians run the globe. However, I do get angry when I hear about these laws being passed about minors. Because I am not yet 18, I have almost no rights. It's ridiculous. I would rather not go on a crusade through this application, but suffice it to say that I am disgusted with two aspects of youth-injustice. One is that it's a travesty that nothing seems to be done about it. And two ... is that mostly, I agree with the restrictions of my age group. I don't feel a part of it, as pompous as that may sound. Most of the "kids" I know are morons. But look at this community. How many of us identify as "teenagers", really? In our minds? And how many of us are actually over 18?

_who or what has most inspired your intellectual growth and why?
When I was still in the States, in my freshman year of high school, I took a philosophy course taught by a man called Mr Bullis. Never knew his first name. He is still the most amazing teacher I have ever had. No other can rival him, except perhaps my current ancient history teacher. Bullis didn't teach philosophy out of a book. He taught it through intense and vivid examples. He didn't just teach philosophy, either. He taught us about life. I remember a vehemently Christian boy in the class with whom Bullis would constantly banter. By the end of the course, that kid had an open mind while still retaining his faith. If that isn't amazing teaching, I don't know what is.

Before that class, I had always been interested in philosophy and in the world, but I was restricted a fair bit by the fact that my family is Italian and (by default) Roman Catholic. I was kicked out of a couple of Catholic boarding schools - not because I had bad grades, but because I "asked too many questions". No one in my family would help me on my quest for knowledge. I went to Bullis with an already opened mind, fragile with desire for understanding. What he gave me...was a whole new set of questions to ask myself and the world around me. Had it not been for him, I don't know at what level I would be thinking today.

_do you feel that you are prejudiced?
Murrow said, "Everyone is a prisoner of his own experience. No one can eliminate prejudices -- just recognize them."

I suppose I tend to agree with this. I don't find myself to engage in racist, sexist, or ageist behaviour, but I (just like everyone else) am most certainly as guilty of generalisation as the next person. I think the difference lies in the fact that I am aware of my prejudice, and am therefore able to curb it somewhat when it rises to the surface of my brain. Was it Hazlitt that said prejudice is the child of ignorance? I believe that every human being is to some extent igorant - were we not, what use would learning be?

_do you think it is necessary to be politically correct in a learning environment? a working environment?
I am not a terribly politically correct person. When with friends or in casual company, I tend to make comments that are not particularly kind. That's just me, though - I find it amusing to shock or offend as long as I am certain I will not lose any friendships over it. But this is applicable to my personal life, not necessarily to a work or learning environment.

To be honest this question strikes me two ways. One is "do you think it's important to be PC while working/learning with others?" and the other is "do you think it's important to have political correctness in our learning/working?" What I'm wondering about the second of those choices is hard to express verbally, for some reason. Perhaps I can sum this whole answer up in a sentence or two.

I believe that it is important to have compassion. However, I don't believe that we should omit or alter information in order to cushion people from the world of political incorrectness. To a point, it is valuable to be politically correct. Past that point, however, we are merely being weak.

_in our generation, who do you feel deserves recognition as a genius, and why? what characteristics do they possess that are definitive of this title?

free expression:
_describe your greatest passion in life.
My first love is the theatre, and I suspect that it always will be. Theatre. Yes, yes, yes. My passion in life. Theatre is why I get up in the morning, it's why I breathe. It's not just the acting, either - though I do love acting and I've loved acting for as long as I've known it existed - I enjoy doing anything involving a stage and some lights and some actors. I have been an assistant director, I have done sound tech, light design, light tech, stage managing, lots and lots of performing, etc, etc, the list goes on. But. When it comes down to it? I would be happy sweeping the floors if it was in a theater. I'm in love with it all. When I am old I want to live in Europe somewhere or maybe New York (again, I've lived there once) and own my own little theater. Silly, maybe. But. I can't help it. Sometimes I think, things just choose you and you can't escape your love for them. Such is my love for drama.

_describe yourself in ten adjectives - five positive traits, and five character flaws.
+ curious
+ creative
+ understanding
+ intelligent
+ comfortable

- judgmental
- sarcastic
- depressed
- insecure
- guarded

_insert a picture, poem, letter, or paragraph that is symbolic of your personality.
I am rarely aware of the blatantly obvious. I find guys much less cumbersome than chicks. There is nothing remotely interesting about me and yet people talk to me. I am insensitive and unsympathetic, and yet people talk to me. I love my name. And all its variations. I have the biggest ego of anyone you will meet. You won't always be aware of it. That's mostly because it's not really real.

I love music. My taste in it is quite bizarre by most standards. I enjoy the symphony.

I claim to be able to sing, and whether you like it or not, I do it (sing) all the time. When not singing, I hum. When not humming, I drum my fingers. When not drumming, I tap my feet.

Under average conditions, I smile constantly, and giggle incessantly.

I know a lot about a few things. I know very little about most things. I know nothing about anything. I seem to love everything ... but if you ask me who I first fell for, I will say it was my piano.

I constantly contradict myself.

I have a morbid fascination with forensic anthropology. I hear music constantly ... or Shakespeare ... mostly Hamlet (it is my favourite)...
... I often find that the only way to get it out of my head is to memorize it. (so far I have Hamlet's first monologue out of the way...) Also, I find that it irritates my friends. A lot.

I usually have cravings for Kubrick films and Vonnegut books ... simultaneously.

I find most everything amusing.

I prefer Batman to Superman, for obvious reasons. I love the X-Men for some reason, and have for a long time... I don't often discuss it.

I love shoes. A lot. We won't discuss it.

I also love baseball. We won't discuss it.

I was told that I looked like a movie star yesterday. I was told that I looked like a movie star last week... ... and a few months ago. I don't think I look like a movie star. I would like to think that I carry myself like one.

I can't write conclusions. It just doesn't happen.

I have very little patience for badly behaved human beings.

I love James Bond movies. Especially all including Sean Connery. Especially Goldfinger.

I have a strong inclination to travel.

I am not melodramatic. Though, I live in a melodrama.

I wear a school uniform that consists of plaid skirt, knee socks, oxford button down shirt, and crested sweater. I like having a uniform; its easy. It can be uncomfortable to wear. It draws a lot of interesting attention. While wearing it the other day, someone told me that he had heard my "kind of chicks did some crazy stuff." I stared at him. If I didn't have to wear a uniform, I would wear nothing but jeans. And some sort of shirt, obviously. ... well, hopefully.

I seem to collect interesting people. I gravitate towards loud people. Though my closest friends are of the quieter sort. I am a loud person. My voice can carry for miles. I am completely ignorant to this.

I can't walk gracefully under average circumstances. I feel the need to obstruct my walking further though use of such obstacles as bellbottom jeans and tall shoes.

I can't remember anything of importance. Yet, I know all the words to the Sesame Street song.

I get gifts constantly, but I rarely give any. I feel as though this should bother me. It doesn't anymore.

I have a rather weak vocabulary. I hope one day to be able to speak something fluently, other than Spanish. Again.

My friends tend to be sick minded people. I attribute this to my own sickmindedness. I think constantly. It isn't something I can turn off. I scare myself all the time.

I think I have lovely handwriting. And I think I have a lovely typewriter. I don't know the specifics, I just know what I like. I love tortoise shell.

I find that it matters very little what I think. I find that I am home where ever I can see the stars. I thrive on little sleep. I often refer to myself in the third person. I confuses people until they get to know me. ... then it just annoys them.

I am often searched in airports. It is never the normal "can we look in your bag" searches. It is the "can you take off your jacket and/or other clothing so that we may do a swab of the inside to detect the drugs that we know you are trafficking" searches. These searches happen no matter what I have on, which ranges from "whore jacket" to "responsible young lady attire" to "private school girl plaid ensemble". The "whore jacket" searches I can understand, but not the others. Maybe the guy with the wand likes me.

I always arrive and leave early. It isn't why you think. It is usually boredom. ... and the pain from the shoes I am wearing at the time.

I instantly befriend anyone who can whistle well.

What can we truly say about me? I am sensitive, extraordinarily stubborn, quite bright, and very, very insecure. I have a gift and a capacity for emotional language shared by nobody I know. I've got a tremendous capacity to absorb pain -- created perhaps by the walls built after an emotionally disastrous relationship and the essential 'death' of my mother. I also have the ability to cause severe pain in others. I cannot ask for what I want, and I cannot express anger unless seriously, seriously provoked.

Sometimes, I'm more of a charismatic religion than a person. I demand absolute loyalty from those who love me, and am apt to test that loyalty. If I'm in a good mood, I hate sharing the spotlight; when in a bad mood, I couldn't care less about the attention of the group. I tend always to demand proof that people love me. I want to be worshipped.

I am indeed a bundle of contradictions in one high maintenance package.