Been a bit since I have written....
I am still coping with the loss of my dad, and it hasn't been easy, but then I didn't expect it to be. I still don't think that I have completely accepted it, and probably never will. I have received much great advice and some lovely things that people have said, but it hasn't dulled the pain completely. I feel great sorrow at the fact that when I get married, he won't be around to walk me down the isle, etc. These are the little things that I think about and they make me more sad than I can say. He may have had his faults (who doesn't?), but I loved him just the same. He did live his life to the fullest regardless of what anyone said or thought. He was a good 'ol boy with the biggest heart and that's what I will remember the most. Or the fact that any guy friends I mentioned got the immediate 'is he treating you good?' question from him. He was always so protective, and although I am the oldest child that he had, I was always his baby girl. In fact I was going through a box a week or so ago and found a note that he had written that said 'I love you baby girl, love daddy.' Of course that made me cry for a while. I wasn't expecting to come across it. It was in a box full of random stuff that I hadn't looked at since I moved. I can't think about it right now without being upset. And that's ok. I am still mourning and don't have to worry about that or feel ashamed. I will never feel ashamed about it.
On another note, I had a nice long talk with my HR department at work, and we talked a lot about the level of care that I have been receiving for years at the doctor's office that I have been going to. How hard it is when you don't see the same doctor all the time, as far as consistency and the fact that when you have so many doctors that you see, they don't all know me or what has been going on with me, expecially the last almost three years regarding my accident. Since my neck surgery, I am still having some pain, and also having chronic back pain which has consequently caused me to miss a lot of work on and off. I am greatful that I have such an understanding boss, and a job that allows me to take time off as needed for the most part and my job still be protected. That is one of the reasons why I continue to stay here.
The more the gal in HR talked to me, the more I felt like I have been shafted when it has come to my healthcare. I should be demanding that I receive better care. I mean come on, it's been almost three years and I am still suffering daily despite the pain meds. And that's another thing-I am so tired of taking so many pills everyday. I joke all the time that I am a walking pill cabinet, or a functioning pill addict, and the more I think about it, it no longer becomes a joke. There has got to be something else that they can do, some other solution. I can't keep doing this. The people at my job can only be patient for so long. One of these days I feel like I won't be so lucky... I will be talking to my doctor and demanding that there be something done.
On another note, I had a nice long talk with my HR department at work, and we talked a lot about the level of care that I have been receiving for years at the doctor's office that I have been going to. How hard it is when you don't see the same doctor all the time, as far as consistency and the fact that when you have so many doctors that you see, they don't all know me or what has been going on with me, expecially the last almost three years regarding my accident. Since my neck surgery, I am still having some pain, and also having chronic back pain which has consequently caused me to miss a lot of work on and off. I am greatful that I have such an understanding boss, and a job that allows me to take time off as needed for the most part and my job still be protected. That is one of the reasons why I continue to stay here.
The more the gal in HR talked to me, the more I felt like I have been shafted when it has come to my healthcare. I should be demanding that I receive better care. I mean come on, it's been almost three years and I am still suffering daily despite the pain meds. And that's another thing-I am so tired of taking so many pills everyday. I joke all the time that I am a walking pill cabinet, or a functioning pill addict, and the more I think about it, it no longer becomes a joke. There has got to be something else that they can do, some other solution. I can't keep doing this. The people at my job can only be patient for so long. One of these days I feel like I won't be so lucky... I will be talking to my doctor and demanding that there be something done.