Dreaming men are haunted men.....
Fucking strange. Don't get me wrong, I'm lucky to go out at night. I'm fortunate that I get to enjoy myself from time to time. But I think sometimes I shoot myself in the foot despite my best efforts to succeed in my pursuit of happiness.
So I go to Ruin, I'm looking okay, got some cash in my pocket, and feeling pretty good. Say "hi" to some folks, grab a beer, nodding my head to the music. I get brave and get out to the dance floor, feeling the beat, and ready to just loose myself.... and I look up in the crowd and I swear...I see her..... then... gone. And it threw me off the rest of the night. Had trouble getting my rhythm. Got that feeling of self conscious came back (like everyone in the room was staring at me) that I only feel when my anxiety is all an all time high. I had a hard time geting my grove back. I tried to ignore the feeling and danced it off and drank more. That helped. But the damage was already done. I'm not sure if I just feeling guilty that I was there or that maybe I wanted to see her so bad that she materialized out of my own want.
I don't think she was there. I sorta looked around. But fuck, man. I think I wouldn't be haunted by something that happened so long ago. I just wish I could move on from this. I wonder If I had some closure....no... cold turkey.... I have to cut myself off here and now. Out of sight, out of mind....right?
So I go to Ruin, I'm looking okay, got some cash in my pocket, and feeling pretty good. Say "hi" to some folks, grab a beer, nodding my head to the music. I get brave and get out to the dance floor, feeling the beat, and ready to just loose myself.... and I look up in the crowd and I swear...I see her..... then... gone. And it threw me off the rest of the night. Had trouble getting my rhythm. Got that feeling of self conscious came back (like everyone in the room was staring at me) that I only feel when my anxiety is all an all time high. I had a hard time geting my grove back. I tried to ignore the feeling and danced it off and drank more. That helped. But the damage was already done. I'm not sure if I just feeling guilty that I was there or that maybe I wanted to see her so bad that she materialized out of my own want.
I don't think she was there. I sorta looked around. But fuck, man. I think I wouldn't be haunted by something that happened so long ago. I just wish I could move on from this. I wonder If I had some closure....no... cold turkey.... I have to cut myself off here and now. Out of sight, out of mind....right?