Surreal Moment...
Brief update before the main event: Auditioned for "The Turn of the Screw", didn't get it ... big shocker, right? Auditioning for "Hairspray" on Sun ... ain't gonna get it (for once, I'm too tall not too fat. Ironic, huh?) Don't know what's next for me. I feel like I'm in limbo. 6 consecutive auditions with no role. I can only hope that this is a slump. We'll see I guess.
Onto the real reason for this post. I was out with some friends tonight after a rehearsal (helping with a reader's theatre piece for kids) and I was getting into my car to leave Sean Patrick's when 2 police cars forced a white Honda into the driveway I was planning on exiting. I was frozen. There was shouting from the officers and they drew their guns. I began to think that the driver and/or passanger of the Honda also had a gun. I clutched my phone in panic, frozen in time. 2 more cop cars show up, more shouting, another cop car pulls in and blocks me into my space. I'm not going anywhere for a while ... and I'm in limbo. They (the cops) instruct the driver to put her hands out the window. Then to unbuckle her seatbelt and exit the car. I see her for the first time. She looks no more than 16. Blonde hair with black streaks. White tee with writing on it and black or jean short shorts ... I could barely see them under the shirt. She is barefoot. She has to back up towards the police and kneel on the ground with her hands behind her back. She sees me in my car and does not take her eyes off me. She stares into my window with a stone glare. Her passanger is instructed to exit through the driver's side and to kneel in the ground with his hands on his head. He looks in his 20s, tee shirt and jeans scruffy guy. I look back at the girl, she is still staring. Looking, scanning my soul ... for what I don't know. The cops surround the car, yelling for other passangers to exit the car (guns drawn and at the ready). When no one emerges, they handcuff the girl and take her to the squad car. The girl continues staring at me. She stares until the cop forces her head into the car. Finally, the squad car behind me pulls away and I drive home. The whole drive, I felt numb. What had just happened? Why didn't I move. What made me stare at that girl so long? Why did she keep looking at me? What did she see? I felt outside the moment. So calm it was surreal. I can't explain my mindset right then, nor can I explain it now. It all feels so surreal ... and I feel nothing now. I would like to think that if I had to die right then (I know no shooting happened, but the thought ran laps in my mind) that I would be ready. The little bird on my shoulder (if any of you watched or read "Tuesdays with Morrie" you understand) would've told me I was ready. But would I have still felt nothing. The guy and girl that were arrested did not panic, did not yell, did not cry. They felt nothing as well. Their stone expressions are in my mind and will not disappear. Am I like them? Will I let nothing affect me in a potentially dangerous situation? I dunno.
"Is it today little bird? Is today the day I'm gonna die? Am I living the life I want to be living?" "We must love one another, or die"
I love you all. I never tell you enough. I love you all. I am ready.
Onto the real reason for this post. I was out with some friends tonight after a rehearsal (helping with a reader's theatre piece for kids) and I was getting into my car to leave Sean Patrick's when 2 police cars forced a white Honda into the driveway I was planning on exiting. I was frozen. There was shouting from the officers and they drew their guns. I began to think that the driver and/or passanger of the Honda also had a gun. I clutched my phone in panic, frozen in time. 2 more cop cars show up, more shouting, another cop car pulls in and blocks me into my space. I'm not going anywhere for a while ... and I'm in limbo. They (the cops) instruct the driver to put her hands out the window. Then to unbuckle her seatbelt and exit the car. I see her for the first time. She looks no more than 16. Blonde hair with black streaks. White tee with writing on it and black or jean short shorts ... I could barely see them under the shirt. She is barefoot. She has to back up towards the police and kneel on the ground with her hands behind her back. She sees me in my car and does not take her eyes off me. She stares into my window with a stone glare. Her passanger is instructed to exit through the driver's side and to kneel in the ground with his hands on his head. He looks in his 20s, tee shirt and jeans scruffy guy. I look back at the girl, she is still staring. Looking, scanning my soul ... for what I don't know. The cops surround the car, yelling for other passangers to exit the car (guns drawn and at the ready). When no one emerges, they handcuff the girl and take her to the squad car. The girl continues staring at me. She stares until the cop forces her head into the car. Finally, the squad car behind me pulls away and I drive home. The whole drive, I felt numb. What had just happened? Why didn't I move. What made me stare at that girl so long? Why did she keep looking at me? What did she see? I felt outside the moment. So calm it was surreal. I can't explain my mindset right then, nor can I explain it now. It all feels so surreal ... and I feel nothing now. I would like to think that if I had to die right then (I know no shooting happened, but the thought ran laps in my mind) that I would be ready. The little bird on my shoulder (if any of you watched or read "Tuesdays with Morrie" you understand) would've told me I was ready. But would I have still felt nothing. The guy and girl that were arrested did not panic, did not yell, did not cry. They felt nothing as well. Their stone expressions are in my mind and will not disappear. Am I like them? Will I let nothing affect me in a potentially dangerous situation? I dunno.
"Is it today little bird? Is today the day I'm gonna die? Am I living the life I want to be living?" "We must love one another, or die"
I love you all. I never tell you enough. I love you all. I am ready.