greetings from the oc
hey guys .... as some of u know im in cali right now... id already told you guys that i was thinking bout moving here after this semester is over and had come up to chill and work shit out with my uncle (who i would be living with to start) ... there's a lot of shit that has gone through my head in the past few days and so even though i talk towards those who read this, i want you to please keep in mind that this is a live JOURNAL so therefore if it sounds stupid or redundant, it still belongs to me
so on my first night up here i ended up chilling out with my uncle in the middle of the night cause neither of us could sleep ... as usual he started asking me if i had a boyfriend or not ... but then, i don't remember why but he started talking about how its hard to distance urself when u have sex and how its cool if people can but if they can't then they shouldn't sleep around, for their sake ... the crazy part is that i totally understood what he meant by that because that's really where i think i fucked up with nate... with everyone before that i left that distance and for some reason i didn't with him and its biting me in the ass ...
thursday we went to universal studios / city walk... that was bad ass ... we went on the mummy, van helsing, and back to the future .. and the tour of the studios ... oh ya, and the guy they had walking around as wolverine ... yup, it was very nice and all real... yummy ... but, as it always seems to happen in my life, the day was slightly tainted.... u see, nate called me to tell me that he wouldn't be able to meet me after school ... the weird part was that it didn't piss me off like i thought it did .. it was more of a sadness because not only would this be what he's done for the past couple weeks now but, more importantly, that he didn't even remeber that i was in ca .. it's not like this was one of those small things that he always forgets but it was a big thing that i'd been making a huge deal out of cause i was so excited and he calls me with THAT ... i dunno ...
so of course i have all of this on my mind and i make the most stupid mistake anyone in my position can ... i went to see alfie ... bad idea ... although a good movie, it brought to life every single emotion that im feeling right now and it got me to thinking ... i know, right, it's crazy talk ... a chick flick that makes u THINK!!??!?!??!?! ... ne ways it made me wonder if people in general are capable of living that way, without the comfort of a daily companion ... and it made me wonder if thats why i let the emotion slide with nate, because i wanted that companionship ... so now i really want to talk to nick bc he seems to have the fuck and run thing down and i really want to TALK and see how thats working for him but i don't think about calling him during the day and his phone doesn't pick up at night when he's at home *tear*
oh and as for this moving to cali thing ... this trip has made me realize that i don't really want to ... as cool of a place as it is to visit, it's not a society i want to surround myself in ... if you've never been here then it's hard to understand but california is a land of its own, NOTHING like anywhere else .. and i really don't think it's right for my way of living ... its so cold here .. not the weather, obviously, but the people ... it's so open yet so desperatley secluded at the same time and i feel that, being the way that i am, if i lived here i would be that person that just works and goes home ... i would become bitchy and inverted just like everyone else here and i don't want that ...
so on my first night up here i ended up chilling out with my uncle in the middle of the night cause neither of us could sleep ... as usual he started asking me if i had a boyfriend or not ... but then, i don't remember why but he started talking about how its hard to distance urself when u have sex and how its cool if people can but if they can't then they shouldn't sleep around, for their sake ... the crazy part is that i totally understood what he meant by that because that's really where i think i fucked up with nate... with everyone before that i left that distance and for some reason i didn't with him and its biting me in the ass ...
thursday we went to universal studios / city walk... that was bad ass ... we went on the mummy, van helsing, and back to the future .. and the tour of the studios ... oh ya, and the guy they had walking around as wolverine ... yup, it was very nice and all real... yummy ... but, as it always seems to happen in my life, the day was slightly tainted.... u see, nate called me to tell me that he wouldn't be able to meet me after school ... the weird part was that it didn't piss me off like i thought it did .. it was more of a sadness because not only would this be what he's done for the past couple weeks now but, more importantly, that he didn't even remeber that i was in ca .. it's not like this was one of those small things that he always forgets but it was a big thing that i'd been making a huge deal out of cause i was so excited and he calls me with THAT ... i dunno ...
so of course i have all of this on my mind and i make the most stupid mistake anyone in my position can ... i went to see alfie ... bad idea ... although a good movie, it brought to life every single emotion that im feeling right now and it got me to thinking ... i know, right, it's crazy talk ... a chick flick that makes u THINK!!??!?!??!?! ... ne ways it made me wonder if people in general are capable of living that way, without the comfort of a daily companion ... and it made me wonder if thats why i let the emotion slide with nate, because i wanted that companionship ... so now i really want to talk to nick bc he seems to have the fuck and run thing down and i really want to TALK and see how thats working for him but i don't think about calling him during the day and his phone doesn't pick up at night when he's at home *tear*
oh and as for this moving to cali thing ... this trip has made me realize that i don't really want to ... as cool of a place as it is to visit, it's not a society i want to surround myself in ... if you've never been here then it's hard to understand but california is a land of its own, NOTHING like anywhere else .. and i really don't think it's right for my way of living ... its so cold here .. not the weather, obviously, but the people ... it's so open yet so desperatley secluded at the same time and i feel that, being the way that i am, if i lived here i would be that person that just works and goes home ... i would become bitchy and inverted just like everyone else here and i don't want that ...