just let it ease off your mind, like everything else I say to you
I've never been so tempted to do it in my life. I was blowing off some steam, pissed off at mom for not answering her phone, pissed off at myself for putting working on my truck before talking to James, basically just pissed off at the world for my own stupidity, knowing that at this moment I could have been in a movie theater with James watching The Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift. I was out working on my truck again. I had a razor in hand as I was scratching some paint off that won't sand off too easy, when I had the urge. It was more or less because the pain that came from the scratch on my thumb went away fast, I had a split second where I seriously thought about cutting myself. Just losing it all in blood. But I was also afraid that I wouldn't stop, and that I'd die right then, and I'm not ready to go. So I went back to taking my pains out on my beloved truck. The same fucking thing that I put before my boyfriend, the one person my age that I love. I'm such a horrible person. A horrible girlfriend even. Just let me wallow in my own saddness. But the thought of cutting myself has passed. The razor blade is still sitting next to me, but I don't even have a thought of slicing myself with it anymore. PLEASE! I beg of all that read this, DON'T TURN ME IN! I DON'T NEED/WANT TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM MY FAMILY! REALLY I AM NORMAL! I AM JUST HAVING A MOMENT! AND I NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST! JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE! JUST IGNORE THIS, LET IT EASE OFF YOUR MIND!
♥ Ari
♥ Ari