[MEME] wanna cry saying goodbye

[mel_mel_mermaid]

(TRIGGER WARNING: This meme deals heavy with death and also possibly with strong violence or with suicide/depression. If you are not comfortable reading about that, please PLEASE do not proceed further.)

THE LAST WORDS MEME

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[butwedonot]

It's alright, Erik, I was never mad. [ Though that bit is a lie. He had been angry, terribly angry, for perhaps a day. It had been hard for him to cope with the loss, not just of Erik but of his sister. The deeply rooted sense of betrayal, the loss of his legs and the loneliness that came from no longer truly connecting with anyone. Still, he won't tell Erik any of these things-- He had no desire to leave him with avoidable anguish. Charles had come to terms with it all, rather quickly, simply because he had to. He had to be alone. He had to use a wheelchair. These weren't things he could change and if he focused too much on them he knew the bitterness could easily eat him alive. So he became Professor X and focused his life on the kids as much as he could. ]

Just, stay this time. [ He may have been powerful but he was also scared. Scared to die, and even more so alone. He knew, in some respects, it was selfish of him to ask Erik to stay-- to watch him die, but if there was any moment in his life to be selfish; this was it. For as resigned and tired as he looks he can feel the terror building in his chest, or perhaps that was just the weight on his still functioning lung. ]

[drlehnsherr]

Of course. I'm here now, aren't I-- Charles I won't leave you, and I'll get you to a hospital, just hang on, keep looking at me, I'm right here. [And Erik's eyes are wide and red, he strokes back Charles' hair, smoothing it down against his head, he lets the other lie against his chest. There's a determination in the set of his jaw, resolute and fierce; he honestly believes that he'll get his friend to a doctor in time-- believes with a conscious fervor that Charles is not going to die.]

[Feeling the tremor run through the other man's body, he holds him close, infinitely afraid himself, but willing, at last, to be the support that Charles needs, and perhaps always needed him to be.] Hey-- stay with me, alright? You don't have to forgive me yet, Charles-- we'll have plenty of time for that. You can tell me tomorrow, or in a week. Stay awake, I'm right here-- don't be afraid.

[butwedonot]

Erik... [ His voice, his thoughts, are small even in his own head. It must have been a sight to see, Charles curled into him in such a familiar way. He can't be bothered to care, can't spare the energy to, because all he can feel is comfort that Erik is there. Charles wouldn't be alone and nor would Raven; Erik would watch out for her, he knew this-- the man owed him that much.

With some effort he turns his head, just enough to tuck it into Erik's shoulder and neck. It's familiar, comforting, the position and even the man's smell. It just helped remind him that Erik was still there, under Magneto, his friend still resided. Another swell of pain makes him ache for that; for coffee, for pancakes, for obnoxiously long chess matches and early morning lethargy. It's then he lets himself cry, or as much as he could but all that comes up is blood and he can feel the burn as his muscles struggle to get oxygen. ] Erik, I... [ But it's too hard to think and he isn't able to make the words come. Instead he gives into the peaceful sensation that comes to claim him, slumping against his friend. ]

:'''<

[drlehnsherr]

It's alright Charles, you don't have to say it. I already know, I knew all along and you don't have to say it. Just-- Charles? Charles? No. no--no no no, Charles, stay with me-- look at me, stay awake, stay here. [Erik's hand curls in the other man's hair, pulling back just enough to lean their foreheads together, and for the first time it's acknowledged between them-- the link and the connection, walked and talked around for so many months and years-- and it's more simplistic than it ever was; a lover's connection-- familial and unbreakable. They'd never said it aloud, it was already there, the unspoken reality of it.]

If you die, you idiot telepath, I'm going to hunt you down myself. Don't you dare, Charles-- not before we are old. Not before we get old-- I still want you with me, it's not fair that you're leaving me here. [He doesn't cry, he growls, snarls-- fights against it with everything he has in him. But his face is wet, and he hugs the other man closely.]

Uah. Two years later-- Fufufu. I'm bored :|

[butwedonot]

[ A smile cracks through all the tears and pain, the ache of loneliness that had come from Erik leaving, the loss of his legs, through everything at the simple acknowledgment. It had been there, under the words they had said-- the things they had done. Close to the surface for Charles, he'd never been good at hiding things like that; aching and swelling, caring and shaping, influencing many of the things he had done.

It was the very core of his being, all he had strived for. What he wanted for himself, for Erik, for mutants and humans alike. At the heart of it all, Charles was far more simple than one would think; he needed little, asked for less. What they had for that short time sustaining emotions for far longer, and through much more, than any others would even consider.

He can't stop crying, but he can't stop smiling either. ] Love.

~psh :>

[drlehnsherr]

I know, my-- and I love you, Charles-- you know that I never stopped. [ He says it aloud like a confession, arms still wrapped around the wounded telepath-- Erik himself had held out hope that perhaps one day their separate causes would finally allow them the time together that they both so longed for, and deserved. That time, which their stubbornly contrary views had prevented them from having. It is an unreal, gaping pain that grips him at the thought that they would never be allowed that final mercy.

The other's tears are on on his face-- not his own; Erik still does not cry-- remains unwilling to give in even an inch towards the idea that these could be his last few minutes to stay beside Charles; as he had failed to do years ago on the Cuban beach. ]

You're not going to die. [ His voice is stronger, carrying with it a note of command; and he gathers himself together for a moment-- a single shaky breath leaving him. ] We've suffered enough for these lessons, Charles-- I-- surely, surely, this can't be what we're left with.

Pish posh~? Fufufu

[butwedonot]

[ He tips his head a little closer to Erik's chest, because without the oxygen properly flowing to hus muscles everything feels so terribly heavy. Like he's just barely treading the top of some dark abyss latched onto Erik like some sort of life preserver-- metaphorically of course, he's trying to keep his grip but his hands are shaking and he's dreadfully aware of how wrong Erik is. Still, he's happy with the stubborn twist of his features-- it was very much Erik, the man he cared-- loved-- so deeply. ]I'm tired...[ It's a barely there thought that seems to drift toward Erik more than be projected to him. They're connected, at least in this instant and he doesn't have to force it out.

More twist to his neck. He's basically slumped himself against Erik, quiet, resigned. He's not getting any more air really and his mind is unintentionally projecting the small aftershocks of the pain it's trying to combat. Dying. Suffocating. But he doesn't put up the struggle he imagined he would, instead he's just quiet, glad to be settled in Erik's embrace once again. ]