009 - SAY HELLO TO SMURF MD.

[the_house_rules]

[Public video.]

[House is sitting in the infirmary at a desk. He looks very blue.

This is not a metaphor, House is physically electric-fucking-blue.

And he's so pissed. But he's at that point just beyond pissed where the situation is so ridiculous that it seems marginally funny.

Elaborate, childish metaphors are his thing, so while much of this seems

Comments

Video

[gotgreenmagic]

Pfft. You get used to it.

Video

[the_house_rules]

[House just makes a face, decides a comment isn't worth the trouble, and shuts down the feed.]

[Audio.]

[emptyyourself]

Who?

[Video on his end.]

[the_house_rules]

Gargamel, the evil wizard trying to eat the smurfs.

[No more explanation is given. Snape should just know.]

You'll regret this.

[Video.]

[emptyyourself]

[Snape switches to video and leans toward the rarely-used camera.]

Surely you don't think I had anything to do with your present...condition.

[He leans back and holds up one hand; in between his thumb and forefinger, he's holding a piece of balled up tape.]

I would never stoop to such childish behaviour.

[Annnd he can't help but smirk.]

NO RESPONSE. House now feels compelled to gaze upon your sorry mug in person.

[the_house_rules]

Spam! (in log text format to soothe my soul)

[the_house_rules]

In the office, House stands and puts his journal in his pocket. He had not been going to see Snape up until now because he has not been sure he can do so without killing him. But right now, all of a sudden, he needs to go.

It isn't that he has a plan of attack, or that he particularly wants to show Snape his handiwork in person, he just... needs to find him. It's magnetic, like a fist drawn to a jaw, like a knee to the crotch, like a train wreck. It's happening, it's not going to be pretty, and there's going to be nuclear fallout.

At Snape's door, House knocks loudly. And then he yells.

"HEY ASSHOLE."

Spam!

[emptyyourself]

Snape managed to shut off the video feed just in time to hide the fact that he was laughing. The original intent of the prank was a light blue color, but, of course, taking the prank to the next level meant infusing the dye somewhere that would be used again and again; as for the electric blue color, well, House must have spent hours in the bathroom trying to scrub off the dye.

Soap. He couldn't help but congratulate himself.

Of course, now House was at his door, likely spoiling for a fight. At least, he thought, he could see his handiwork in person.

He crossed to the door, assumed his most innocent expression - which was more ironically innocent than actually innocent - and answered.

"I do hope that's not contagious."

Spam!

[the_house_rules]

"Very funny," House said, arms folded over his chest. He's wearing a jacket now, to cover his blue arms, but his red t-shirt seems obscenely garish against the electric blue of his skin. Data was right, he's just a splash of yellow away from being the poster child for primary colored crayons.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked, and one hand moved, gesturing to himself in a jerky motion. He was angry. That was blatantly obvious.

Spam!

[emptyyourself]

House knew he'd done it, but that didn't mean he was going to fall to his knees and confess. Snape stared at the other man for a moment, biting back a laugh.

"I have absolutely no idea," he replied, raising his brows and half-shrugging. He allowed himself to smirk again and asked, "Have you tried using soap?"

[thegooddrjones]

Did you become... more blue?

Private

[emptyyourself]

Did he?

Private

[thegooddrjones]

He definitely looks more blue than he did at lunch.

He accused me of doing it, you know.

Private

[emptyyourself]

He's been trying to wash it off, no doubt.

I'm sure you set him to rights. He obviously knows who's to blame now.

[the_house_rules]

I ate a crayon.

Do you have any friends whose blood, oh, I don't know, kills you painfully and slowly?

[the_house_rules]

Flood side effect.

Of course.