(no subject)
Sean and I are officially broken up for good. I hope I don't give in, because I deserve so much better. Last night was Ashley Kerns' 18th Birthday Party and so Kati and I attended and it was absolutely fabulous, besides the fact that Sean was calling me every 15 minutes to tell me what a slut I was. For no reason. Anything, everybody was really drunk, even Abby, which was mother fucking hilarious. I was laughing so hard just talking to her because she was going insane. Everyone was dancing on tables and dancing on the floor and making out with everyone else. It was fantastic.
After Kati and I left Ashley's we stopped by Steve's house for a little while because it was his last REAL party before he leaves and Kati and I have known him for almost 7 years, so of course we had to at least make an appearance. Being one of Steve's best friends, Sean was there of course, but he was passed out when I got there. I went and took a nap on the living room couch for about an hour because I was SO tired and I needed and quick cat nap. I woke up about an hour later and the party was still really hardcore. When I woke up, Sean had also woken up, and we weren't on speaking terms. So Kati and I went to leave about an hour later and Sean is in the living room going through my purse. So I asked him for it back and he was being a true ass and made me rip his fucking fingers off of it before he gave it to me. So Kati and I are walking out to the car and he's following me and so as soon as Kati and I are in the car, I locked the doors because I didn't want to deal with his sorry, drunk ass. So he starts banging on the window and trying to open the doors and I just told Kati to back out of the driveway because Ryan was with him and I knew Ryan wouldn't let him get run over, even though he deserved it. So then he starts banging on the windshield, screaming at the top of his lungs, "FUCK YOU YOU FATASS BITCH. YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING SLUT AND YOU'RE SO GOD DAMNED UGLY, NOBODY FUCKING WANTS YOU, I DON'T EVEN WANT YOU" plus or minus a few 'fuck yous' and an 'ugly bitch' or two. I have never ever been so hurt in my entire life. You have to realize that I didn't do a single thing that entire night. I didn't even have anything to drink. As soon as he said it, I started crying so hard I could barely breathe.
I don't know what to do. I love him so much, but I can't be with him after that. He texted me this morning saying he was sorry and that he would do anything I wanted him to do in order for him to make it up to me. He doesn't understand. He can't take back those things he said and I can't seem to stop replaying the scene over and over in my head. I'm really confused and really hurt and I just wanted to talk about it. Thanks to everyone who listened.
EDIT: i miss him...