(no subject)
So we're a bit over a month into 2011, and I haven't accomplished as much as I feel obligated to. I signed up for classes at UNF, only to be purged from them when my father and I both forgot to pay for tuition. In the intervening period, my prescription for my meds ran out and my doctor refused to refill it; not good times. This likely had something to do with my insurance company bouncing the bill on my health care from December and refusing to help pay for my treatment (dealing with my depression diagnosis), which was a mighty genorous thing for them to do, because I totally don't have enough on my plate to worry about already.
I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with my living situation of late. There has been a good deal of tension between myself and Matt/Jessica, who have both expressed concern over my state of affairs, particularly my lack of self-confidence, ambition and social behavior; to some extent, I disagree. The resulting rift has caused our friendships to decay, and I have some bitterness and hurt feelings over things. I think I want to move out and just live by myself in an apartment for a while while I get things straightened out for myself. The thing I fear is that, should I do that, it might become too easy for me to withdraw and socially isolate again. Then again, I think it's important for me to be comfortable in my living space, and that's not currently the case as often as I'd like it to be.
I do still get out and socialize; I had a blast this weekend catching up with some old friends, and ran into yet another today, completely out of the blue. However, it would be false to say I'm happy with my personal relationships; I'm somewhat dissatisfied. I have fought with each of my four closest confidants over the past week, and I feel the urge to clam up and push folks away. I still feel relatively insecure. I... still have a lot of growing to do.
I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with my living situation of late. There has been a good deal of tension between myself and Matt/Jessica, who have both expressed concern over my state of affairs, particularly my lack of self-confidence, ambition and social behavior; to some extent, I disagree. The resulting rift has caused our friendships to decay, and I have some bitterness and hurt feelings over things. I think I want to move out and just live by myself in an apartment for a while while I get things straightened out for myself. The thing I fear is that, should I do that, it might become too easy for me to withdraw and socially isolate again. Then again, I think it's important for me to be comfortable in my living space, and that's not currently the case as often as I'd like it to be.
I do still get out and socialize; I had a blast this weekend catching up with some old friends, and ran into yet another today, completely out of the blue. However, it would be false to say I'm happy with my personal relationships; I'm somewhat dissatisfied. I have fought with each of my four closest confidants over the past week, and I feel the urge to clam up and push folks away. I still feel relatively insecure. I... still have a lot of growing to do.