iotas and eternity
One and the same in the end? One of the most difficult realities is the concept of the infinite. It simply doesn't work with my perception. I am spatially and chronologically based, everything measured in fixed distances and times. My concept of existence is always defined in those terms. To accept that there is no beginning or end, for myself
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Where ARE my cookies?
wheeewwwwww, you think I'm joking.
I love to read your thoughts and I love to read folks clammering to express and explain in return. You often fascinate me, enthrall me, remind me, focus me, startle me, and sadden me. You are indeed living the human experience with all its benefits and detriments.
I love you so much. It shocks me really, as, in ways our entities are quite foreign and distant. You have a way of . . . . reeling me with your mind, talent, darkness, detachment, and beauty. In ways I can't describe because I don't understand it. . . . you envelope or represent a part of humanity to me that I can only absorb and experience through your words, art, friendship, music. You are *such* a complex and beautiful person. You react in ways and speak in ways and move in ways that have kept me bemused for years. And I don't know why it just hit me so that you are so human- so tragic, so beautiful. And whether I notice or not, I carry you around in me, everyday. Perhaps, that's the conceptual contact you spoke of. If you were to die tomorrow, I'd still be carrying you around.
And some quotes, that your post reminded me of, of course:
"The world is not to be put in order, the world is order incarnate. It is for us to put ourselves in unison with this order." --Henry Miller (not sure why your post reminded me of this, but I think it was that iota versus expanse thing.)
brace yourself this is a long quote from a novel by Kurt Vonnegut, I forget the title now, but if you think you're interested in reading it, let me know:
"The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much a live in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present, and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just the way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanet all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever." (I suppose, there is *no* need whatsoever to explain why I was reminded of this passage. . . . I suppose I should find this title, I think it perhaps would speak to you well now.)
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:)
I carry you around as well... one of the main reasons being that you are one of the only people in my life that has looked at me and talked to me in a way that made me know that you were actually aware of me in a real way. I'm not sure how to explain it other than that. I'm sure it ties into everything in this entry, but I'll avoid that long of a response ;) It is just a sense, but it's a part of that conceptual contact that is always there when I think of you. It's an ability that seems beyond measure, and I think you do it with everything in your life.
Next time I will write about cookies :)
... I would love to know where the quote came from.
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you are one of the only people in my life that has looked at me and talked to me in a way that made me know that you were actually aware of me in a real way.
My Amusing Thought #1-- My first thought to this was. . . . I learned this 3 states back, meaning your 3 states and not mine-- NC, WA, and CO. It's funny, in that not really funny way, that this was my immediate reaction. And what piles even more ironic circular-ness on top of all this is that. . . . I'm getting stretchy here, so bear with me. . . . I learned this (to treat you in a real way) here in LJ. I precisely remember posts/replies where I realized that you weren't exactly the Murray Version of Mike anymore and you realized the same of me. I remember when you raged against the "Angel" Mike perception folks had of you. I remember that when that was dissolved into you, well, living your life. . . . for me, to me-- you became eternally dynamic. . . . and the truth of that I have just realized in this here post. I really do treat you that way, don't I? But to be honest, I can't say that I do that with everything in my life. It's just that with you. . . . and your wandering wraith-ness. . . . I am just watching, waiting, learning. I really do wonder what you are searching for and where you might find it. And what it will teach. . . . I suppose I should say you, what it will teach you, but that's not the truth, I wonder what *I* will learn from it. . . . does that make sense at all? I carry you around because I love that part me. Maybe that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't. Words. They're so difficult. This has gotten too long for a busy man to read, I should just say: It is just a sense, but it's a part of that conceptual contact that is always there when I think of you.
My Amusing Thought #2-- (and this is my most favorite one born from this exchange) -- that quote. by Vonnegut. . . . When I figured out what it was from. I was tunneled back into time, sitting on the floor of. . . . your Murray house. And we are friggin' watching Patina's High School English Assignment Video. . . . The quote is from Slaughterhouse Five. Now, I'd say that you could borrow it from your brother, but having seen that video assignment, I can't vouch that he *actually* read it, much less owned it. . . . ;-p
Random. Weird. Life.
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