unrealized potential

[thatmikeguy]

Normalcy, courtesy, and assumption of expectations are the chains. Plain enough to see, but why are they so hard to break? If someone told you untold satisfaction was within your grasp by simply changing your state of mind, why would you not do it

Comments

You.....from Rosey

[anonymous]

I definitely don't think you should be apologizing for anything. That's for sure! I realize the thought of sounding too serious or cheesy may be embarrasing or humbling, but who cares. The people that may be judging you have no right to anyway, so who cares what they think. As far as the meat of the entry, and not to sound like a psychologist, I think deep inside you know the answer. It's always comfortable to do exactly what you always do and at best take baby steps in a good direction. Safe isn't always what should be done though. There is something to be said about taking a leap, a risk. Think about like 3 things that are really important to you and will be important to you in the future. Is what you are doing now taking these things into consideration? Is what you are doing now making you a better person now and for your future? I ask myself these questions all the time, and honestly I'm not there yet, but they have helped me make some really good decisions. Something else I truly live by is fully understanding the consequences of my actions....make decisions based on this. Life is way easier. Hope I helped.

Re: You.....from Rosey

[thatmikeguy]

thanks for the comment :)

Yeah, I think I'm past apologizing or feeling bad about posting this stuff... part of me has a really hard time with some amount of vanity, and making sincere statements tends to be derided by the cynical hip people of the world, so it makes me cautions. If you were to ask me abstractly if I thought that was important, I would of course say no, but sometimes it interferes with me saying what I want. That's part of the type of step or change I'm talking about though.

I think the really hard part is that I don't believe there is an answer within me... and the motivations/feelings are pretty much across the board.

I have two primary conflicting sides. One that says morality (and I don't speak of religious morality, more the 'for the better of the person and the species' morality) is a social construct and inhibits the freedom to truly understand the complexities and depth of life... and the other that says that morality is the obvious, and only reasonable path. These two concepts splinter into a multitude of complex direcitons I could take in life, but they are constantly at odds in my head.

So it becomes really difficult to say, "will this make me a better person now and in the future?" because I've spent my whole life doing that, and now I'm questioning whether that is really an answer, or just the thing that 'stabilizes' existence. Do I really want stability, safety, comfort? Do I really care about those things? I think the reality is that I live an existence currently which provides me with all of those things, and so my desire is for what I don't have. When I lived an existence where I didn't have those things, they are what I wanted. It may be as simple as warm air trying to redistribute it's energy into colder air, or gas trying to fill a void... the unfortunate regularity and predictability of the human spirit.

OR... it may be that my existence is devoid of true connection with my world and myself. That I'm living an existence that was easy and directly in front of me... provided by a society that focuses almost completely internally, and seems to wear blinders to the realities of the rest of the world. That there IS a place of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual fulfillment waiting for me when I can finally strip all of the trivial illusions from my existence. That is more what I'm choosing to believe at the moment. It may be childish idealism. I don't know. It may be the rantings of a spoiled LJ kid. I don't know. I have left all electronics at home off for three days in a row, started working on my drawings and music constantly, and cut back on my superficial social activities (I feel like community and social activity is essential to the existence I envision, but not the social activities which are primarily distractions).

Heh, okay this is ridiculous, and should have just been a post.

Re: You.....from Rosey

[anonymous]

I hear what you are saying. I can tell you what my opinion might be of what you are going through, but I'm not going to right now. I guess the reason I felt as though I could respond to you original entry is that I can relate. We as young people have lots of distractions. Sometimes it's super fun and sometimes you have had enough. You sound like the latter...that you are looking for something more. I understand the want, the desire for this, but at the same time I feel that a lot of it comes with time. So maybe just relaxing a little bit, doing your art (this will help put you in tune) and have fun when you want to. I feel life is pretty simple but we make it complicated.
And by calling your last reply ridiculous sounds like an apology to me. You gotta stop doing that.