Dating experience #273
Went to T's apartment last night for the second in a night of one-night stands. Judging by the response, I'd say she was very happy, but there was no reciprocation whatsoever. Rather, she apologized for an up early to work, told me "I'll make it up to you", asked if I would mind if she nodded off, and thus ended the night. She told me I could stay if I wanted, but it was up to me. I said yes only because the sheets on my own bed were destroyed (long story) and I had yet to replace them.
Called back Jenn, who I actually am very much interested in in a romantic way, who said she had not seen my email from last week yet as she checks Hotmail infrequently. I am trying to believe her because I can't be totally cynical and pessimistic. She says she will call by Wednesday. Maybe I'll actually get to see her.
I want to go to bed tonight with someone who understands me and cares. Someone who throws their arms around me without me asking. Someone who asks me how my day was. I think despite my faults, my bitterness and cynicism, the emotional confusion I live in almsot daily ... I think I have a good heart. I think I remember how to love others and how to love myself.
I started out this entry by writing "I hate women" but it didn't seem to be a good beginning. It also didn't seem to fit anywhere else farther down. I think it's because it's an excuse, or bitterness compounded, and I'm too tired for that anymore.
I have good days and bad days like everyone else. But in the bad ones ... man, I just hurt a lot. And I feel like I'm ... I dunno, constantly holding all the little pieces of my sanity together. Right now, there's tears and exhaustion and ...
But I have new sheets, and litter for the cat who's just today started sleeping in my bed again. And snow. Let's hear it for the little things.
Called back Jenn, who I actually am very much interested in in a romantic way, who said she had not seen my email from last week yet as she checks Hotmail infrequently. I am trying to believe her because I can't be totally cynical and pessimistic. She says she will call by Wednesday. Maybe I'll actually get to see her.
I want to go to bed tonight with someone who understands me and cares. Someone who throws their arms around me without me asking. Someone who asks me how my day was. I think despite my faults, my bitterness and cynicism, the emotional confusion I live in almsot daily ... I think I have a good heart. I think I remember how to love others and how to love myself.
I started out this entry by writing "I hate women" but it didn't seem to be a good beginning. It also didn't seem to fit anywhere else farther down. I think it's because it's an excuse, or bitterness compounded, and I'm too tired for that anymore.
I have good days and bad days like everyone else. But in the bad ones ... man, I just hurt a lot. And I feel like I'm ... I dunno, constantly holding all the little pieces of my sanity together. Right now, there's tears and exhaustion and ...
But I have new sheets, and litter for the cat who's just today started sleeping in my bed again. And snow. Let's hear it for the little things.