(no subject)
OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!
As I am typing this, I have an extrememly severe cramp in my left leg, and I am holding it stiff up against the wall and almost in tears from the pain! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwie!!!!!! Be back with you in a few...
Never mind, it's not going anywhere, but since I can't move my leg at all, and the pain is somewhat bareable, I'll just carry on.
So the truth hurts. Yeah, most people have heard about how the world has been crashing down on my families head lately, but since I feel incapable of dealing with the truth, I choose to deny it. Sure, I could get political, pick a side, fight for what's right... but it's not my fight. So I won't get involved.
Oops, tried to move my leg. Mistake. It's so weird, I can actually feel with my hand what muscles are cramped up right now. They're all tight and strained... man this hurts. Well better now that the usual 2am cramp that I wake up to.
I had quite the discussion with Les today at work, we got into politics and religion. Now, as I understand it, you're not supposed to argue about either, since it can never lead to good things. But I don't usually listen to good advice and I did it anyway. We ended up discussing what it means to be religious, what it is to have faith (my leg doesn't hurt right now, but I think it's just pretending to convince me to try and move my leg and then spring back and get me again. Luckaly I'm smarter than my leg) and so on and so forth, but we got there by my admission that I'd like to one day rule the world.
I get alot of curious reactions to that, and I don't think most people take me seriously. Of course, if you know me, I don't have a sense of humor. Just kidding, but I came to the conclusion that I'd like to govern all of you when talking to Tina, a friend of mine, late one night, who asked me what I'd do if I could do anything at all. Most people think automatically that they'd like to retire on some secluded beach somewhere with a Pina Colota and a hula girl and all that, but I've found one thing in my life and that's that I'm not like anyone else. Yeah, that's right, I'm unique. Bet you never noticed. Well, I can't take vacations, and that's the biggest thing. I spend the whole time thinking about everything I need to get done, or want to get done, and I get no relaxation. Relaxing is a myth to me, because if I'm not doing something, I want to be, so my dream vacation would be ruling the world, simple as that.
The biggest reaction I get from everyone is that it'll never work, that it's impossible to rule everyone. Well duh, I know that, and I know it's reserved for one stellar guy who'll just about kill us all in the end because of it, so obviously this whole dream is a speculation. But I get a big kick out of people's reaction being that they wouldn't want to be ruled. I find that funny because... well, you already are. You might think you live in a democracy where what you say goes in the end, but do you really live your life in a bubble believing you're the master of your own destiny? Sorry, but you're not. You have a job, you pay taxes, you don't speed and if you do you get a ticket and you pay it, you don't murder or steal and if you do you go to jail. Some master you are. What it comes down to, even if the government didn't already control our lives, there'd be powerful. intellegent people out there using you for their own ends anyway. Nobody is immune, we're all caught in a web. Even the people to control us are in a web, being controlled. Nobody on earth has absolute power, it's a circular merry-go-round of control.
So why do I want to be special? Because it would be fun. I grew up playing stratagy games, much like the rest of you. Unless you were a girl, and in that case, think about when you were playing house. You ran your "play" house, same thing applies here. I played stratagy-based computer games, most old people played stratagy board games like Risk, Axes and Allies, and even Deplomacy. We all want to be in control. Hey, throw in Chess for good measure, we want to move the pieces and not only take what our brother (read: enemy) posesses (when you took your pawn to the other side and he miraculously became a queen, you didn't actually think it was your queen returning did you?), but also subjigate them and failing that, eliminating them. Power. Is that what it comes down to? Absolute power, absolute corruption?
Nope. It's just the struggle. It titilates me to think that I would fail at uniting every nation... it would never work! There would be unrest, war... you'd have to turn thousand-year-old cultures upside-down and restucture people who have lived since Noah in the same way for five thousand years. Sound fun yet? Bet you it sounds like work. Well of course it does, that's exactly the point. If I'm not working, I'm thinking, and I'm always thinking about what I could be doing. Example, at work today, in the last ten minutes, I had nothing to do. I did all my orders, cleaned the lab, and then sat down and waited. For about two seconds, and then I whipped out a piece of paper and started planning my Valentine's Day thingie I'm working on. It's genious, by the way. Not the point though, what is is that I couldn't just chill out, even for ten minutes. I went home, did dishes, cooked, caught up on TV shows I missed yesterday, cramped up my leg (which has been fine for the last while thankfully) which caused me to write this, I'll finish the dishes and go to bed. If I hadn't had to catch up on those shows, I'd be drawing. And sure, if you know me well, you know I do alot of sitting around... but I'm never relaxed.
Struggle... there's another side to me too. I want to be a superhero, with superpowers. I haven't decided on precisely which ones yet, but the standard muscle and throw in a good constitution, but no flying cause it scares me to death, and that's what I'd like. Saving the world from evil doers, making it a safe place for our children to walk the streets. But that's not a reality either, because as it was so accurately pointed out in Mission: Impossible 2, in order to have a super hero, you must also have a villian. It'd be sort of a waste of time for me to be hanging out atop a skyscraper in downtown Vancouver every night waiting for some mob boss to try and blow up GM Place. Besides, I'm scared of heights anyway, so what in the world am I doing up there in the first place? Got a good idea for a comic now, though. Lol...
Wrapping this up. Can't believe you made it this far, hope it was a good read. Comes down to I needed an hour away from reality, cause it really sucks. Sat and thought about it before work today, about how blessed I've been this last year, but I'm still discontent with the way things are going. Course, the three main things bothering me, one I have no control over, another I'm being patient about, and the third, well... I guess it's all in God's hands, in the end. Everything will work out, which doesn't translate to "happy-go-lucky leporcauns, rainbows and unicorn farts" but simply, "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." It's His plan, not mine. I just give my life up and play the role I'm given, gladly, and I have to remind myself of that every now and again. I've got it good, real good, I don't let life's darkness get me down. Because there is a light so powerful, it nocks the socks off the proverbial monster under my bed. Besides, I've never been scared of the monster under my bed, it's the aliens who are trying to abduct me that keep me awake. I covered that in a previous post, try to keep up eh.
Well I've rambled enough for one night, I have chores to attend to. Vote for Rob!
As I am typing this, I have an extrememly severe cramp in my left leg, and I am holding it stiff up against the wall and almost in tears from the pain! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwie!!!!!! Be back with you in a few...
Never mind, it's not going anywhere, but since I can't move my leg at all, and the pain is somewhat bareable, I'll just carry on.
So the truth hurts. Yeah, most people have heard about how the world has been crashing down on my families head lately, but since I feel incapable of dealing with the truth, I choose to deny it. Sure, I could get political, pick a side, fight for what's right... but it's not my fight. So I won't get involved.
Oops, tried to move my leg. Mistake. It's so weird, I can actually feel with my hand what muscles are cramped up right now. They're all tight and strained... man this hurts. Well better now that the usual 2am cramp that I wake up to.
I had quite the discussion with Les today at work, we got into politics and religion. Now, as I understand it, you're not supposed to argue about either, since it can never lead to good things. But I don't usually listen to good advice and I did it anyway. We ended up discussing what it means to be religious, what it is to have faith (my leg doesn't hurt right now, but I think it's just pretending to convince me to try and move my leg and then spring back and get me again. Luckaly I'm smarter than my leg) and so on and so forth, but we got there by my admission that I'd like to one day rule the world.
I get alot of curious reactions to that, and I don't think most people take me seriously. Of course, if you know me, I don't have a sense of humor. Just kidding, but I came to the conclusion that I'd like to govern all of you when talking to Tina, a friend of mine, late one night, who asked me what I'd do if I could do anything at all. Most people think automatically that they'd like to retire on some secluded beach somewhere with a Pina Colota and a hula girl and all that, but I've found one thing in my life and that's that I'm not like anyone else. Yeah, that's right, I'm unique. Bet you never noticed. Well, I can't take vacations, and that's the biggest thing. I spend the whole time thinking about everything I need to get done, or want to get done, and I get no relaxation. Relaxing is a myth to me, because if I'm not doing something, I want to be, so my dream vacation would be ruling the world, simple as that.
The biggest reaction I get from everyone is that it'll never work, that it's impossible to rule everyone. Well duh, I know that, and I know it's reserved for one stellar guy who'll just about kill us all in the end because of it, so obviously this whole dream is a speculation. But I get a big kick out of people's reaction being that they wouldn't want to be ruled. I find that funny because... well, you already are. You might think you live in a democracy where what you say goes in the end, but do you really live your life in a bubble believing you're the master of your own destiny? Sorry, but you're not. You have a job, you pay taxes, you don't speed and if you do you get a ticket and you pay it, you don't murder or steal and if you do you go to jail. Some master you are. What it comes down to, even if the government didn't already control our lives, there'd be powerful. intellegent people out there using you for their own ends anyway. Nobody is immune, we're all caught in a web. Even the people to control us are in a web, being controlled. Nobody on earth has absolute power, it's a circular merry-go-round of control.
So why do I want to be special? Because it would be fun. I grew up playing stratagy games, much like the rest of you. Unless you were a girl, and in that case, think about when you were playing house. You ran your "play" house, same thing applies here. I played stratagy-based computer games, most old people played stratagy board games like Risk, Axes and Allies, and even Deplomacy. We all want to be in control. Hey, throw in Chess for good measure, we want to move the pieces and not only take what our brother (read: enemy) posesses (when you took your pawn to the other side and he miraculously became a queen, you didn't actually think it was your queen returning did you?), but also subjigate them and failing that, eliminating them. Power. Is that what it comes down to? Absolute power, absolute corruption?
Nope. It's just the struggle. It titilates me to think that I would fail at uniting every nation... it would never work! There would be unrest, war... you'd have to turn thousand-year-old cultures upside-down and restucture people who have lived since Noah in the same way for five thousand years. Sound fun yet? Bet you it sounds like work. Well of course it does, that's exactly the point. If I'm not working, I'm thinking, and I'm always thinking about what I could be doing. Example, at work today, in the last ten minutes, I had nothing to do. I did all my orders, cleaned the lab, and then sat down and waited. For about two seconds, and then I whipped out a piece of paper and started planning my Valentine's Day thingie I'm working on. It's genious, by the way. Not the point though, what is is that I couldn't just chill out, even for ten minutes. I went home, did dishes, cooked, caught up on TV shows I missed yesterday, cramped up my leg (which has been fine for the last while thankfully) which caused me to write this, I'll finish the dishes and go to bed. If I hadn't had to catch up on those shows, I'd be drawing. And sure, if you know me well, you know I do alot of sitting around... but I'm never relaxed.
Struggle... there's another side to me too. I want to be a superhero, with superpowers. I haven't decided on precisely which ones yet, but the standard muscle and throw in a good constitution, but no flying cause it scares me to death, and that's what I'd like. Saving the world from evil doers, making it a safe place for our children to walk the streets. But that's not a reality either, because as it was so accurately pointed out in Mission: Impossible 2, in order to have a super hero, you must also have a villian. It'd be sort of a waste of time for me to be hanging out atop a skyscraper in downtown Vancouver every night waiting for some mob boss to try and blow up GM Place. Besides, I'm scared of heights anyway, so what in the world am I doing up there in the first place? Got a good idea for a comic now, though. Lol...
Wrapping this up. Can't believe you made it this far, hope it was a good read. Comes down to I needed an hour away from reality, cause it really sucks. Sat and thought about it before work today, about how blessed I've been this last year, but I'm still discontent with the way things are going. Course, the three main things bothering me, one I have no control over, another I'm being patient about, and the third, well... I guess it's all in God's hands, in the end. Everything will work out, which doesn't translate to "happy-go-lucky leporcauns, rainbows and unicorn farts" but simply, "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." It's His plan, not mine. I just give my life up and play the role I'm given, gladly, and I have to remind myself of that every now and again. I've got it good, real good, I don't let life's darkness get me down. Because there is a light so powerful, it nocks the socks off the proverbial monster under my bed. Besides, I've never been scared of the monster under my bed, it's the aliens who are trying to abduct me that keep me awake. I covered that in a previous post, try to keep up eh.
Well I've rambled enough for one night, I have chores to attend to. Vote for Rob!