oh livejournal...
it is hilaroius to go back and read my old entries. so much bitching about josh and now we are best friends again. i swear i spend more time with him then i do with my family, my cats, umm pretty much everyone.
we make great friends, we make horrible lovers. its so nice to have important realizations like that. i wish i would have had a similar one before i made the worst mistake of my life:
in march of 2006 i got married.
if i could go back and undo the last 4 years of my life i would in a heartbeat. the person that i thought i was with, the person that i married was not the real matt. he should have gone into theater. the guy has a real knack for putting on a show. he had me believing he was incredible, dedicated to me, you name it. turns out that he was fucking his ex wife the entire time we were together, still hooking up with his ex for the first year or so of our relationship, god knows what else in between only to end on a bang of fucking my former best friend.
this is one stellar individual let me tell you.
the crazy thing is that i begged him to just let it be over and he just wouldn't let it go. after i knew in my head he cheated on me (which he vehemently denied until a month later) i think i mentally started to move on. he kept calling and coming over, trying to kiss me, getting handsy and vowing that he would change, telling me that he knew he had been a horrible person and wanted to be the man he is supposed to be. i wanted to make my relationship work for one reason and that is his daughter. i love that kid. in fact i think i may love her more then her mom or her dad. how sad.
all the while he was having 2 relationships at the same time. i tell you, i just don't know how he kept it straight. he was with me one day and her the next. ugh, how pathetic! i finally decided that i can't stay in a crappy relationship with a guy i don't trust but still didn't quite let go until my best friend called me to tell me that she saw them together all snuggled up at a bar. he tried to deny it, "its not what it looks like" ha! what a dirtbag. what i just couldn't understand was why even after he was caught with his pants down, why he couldn't just be honest. own it.
anyhow. lots of things have changed since then (that was in august by the way, right before my birthday) all for the good.
what is funny is that i have made friends with people that have more depth then any of the stupid people i wasted my time on when i was with matt.
i love my friends, i love my job, i love my social scene, i love the music i get to hear regularly without any shit from anyone, i love my family who have been amazingly supportive.
i love my life.
we make great friends, we make horrible lovers. its so nice to have important realizations like that. i wish i would have had a similar one before i made the worst mistake of my life:
in march of 2006 i got married.
if i could go back and undo the last 4 years of my life i would in a heartbeat. the person that i thought i was with, the person that i married was not the real matt. he should have gone into theater. the guy has a real knack for putting on a show. he had me believing he was incredible, dedicated to me, you name it. turns out that he was fucking his ex wife the entire time we were together, still hooking up with his ex for the first year or so of our relationship, god knows what else in between only to end on a bang of fucking my former best friend.
this is one stellar individual let me tell you.
the crazy thing is that i begged him to just let it be over and he just wouldn't let it go. after i knew in my head he cheated on me (which he vehemently denied until a month later) i think i mentally started to move on. he kept calling and coming over, trying to kiss me, getting handsy and vowing that he would change, telling me that he knew he had been a horrible person and wanted to be the man he is supposed to be. i wanted to make my relationship work for one reason and that is his daughter. i love that kid. in fact i think i may love her more then her mom or her dad. how sad.
all the while he was having 2 relationships at the same time. i tell you, i just don't know how he kept it straight. he was with me one day and her the next. ugh, how pathetic! i finally decided that i can't stay in a crappy relationship with a guy i don't trust but still didn't quite let go until my best friend called me to tell me that she saw them together all snuggled up at a bar. he tried to deny it, "its not what it looks like" ha! what a dirtbag. what i just couldn't understand was why even after he was caught with his pants down, why he couldn't just be honest. own it.
anyhow. lots of things have changed since then (that was in august by the way, right before my birthday) all for the good.
what is funny is that i have made friends with people that have more depth then any of the stupid people i wasted my time on when i was with matt.
i love my friends, i love my job, i love my social scene, i love the music i get to hear regularly without any shit from anyone, i love my family who have been amazingly supportive.
i love my life.