Coming To Terms (3/4)
Title: Coming To Terms
Author: thanku4urlove
Pairing: Takaki/Inoo
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Slight cursing, discussions about sexuality, kissing
Genre: Slice of life? Romance
Summary: It's the end of 2014. Takaki Yuya is twenty-four, and seven years into his career as a member of the Johnny's group "Hey! Say! JUMP". He loves his job and his group mates too, but is unsure of his relationship with Inoo Kei. The things he knows about his feelings and the things he knows about himself aren't adding up, and all he wants is to make sure Inoo doesn't get hurt while he's trying to figure it all out.
About phone calls, self-acceptance, and being in love.
A/N: Hello!!! Sorry for the delay; I got super sick last week and spent the last weekend dying in bed. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
This chapter can also be read on AO3 here! (x)
Previous Parts: 1 | 2
“So, I watched some gay porn.”
Takaki felt his face begin to burn as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Inoo stared him full in the face for a solid five seconds, as though to check if he was serious. Then he burst into laughter, his body going limp with it, and Takaki didn’t know what to do, standing there and watching Inoo laugh.
“Congratulations.” Inoo finally said, once he’d pulled himself together. That wasn’t the response Takaki had been expecting, and it helped a little, relaxing his shoulders and letting him laugh back.
“I… Thanks?” He offered, and Inoo laughed again. “I…”
Inoo drew his eyebrows together a bit. “What?” He asked, and Takaki shrugged.
“I don’t know, it was… Weird.” He finally said. “I don’t really know that I liked it that much.”
“You weren’t into it.”
“No, not really.” Takaki shrugged. “I mean, maybe I just--and I’m sure it’s different, when you’re actually doing it, so I’m not saying that I’m not--”
“Takaki.” Inoo cut him off--which was probably good, since Takaki had no idea what it was he was trying to say, really--a shrewd smile on his lips now. “Are you trying to proposition me in this closet right now?”
“No!” Takaki exclaimed, and Inoo burst out laughing again. “You’re horrible. Shut up.”
Inoo did his best to straighten up, still giggling, giving Takaki a wink.
“That’s good, because I probably wouldn’t say no.”
“You--you wouldn’t?” That was surprising, Takaki had to admit. Inoo didn’t seem to think so, raising his eyebrows.
“I’ve liked you for eight years and you don’t think I’d be willing to take your pants off in a closet?”
“I, that’s--” Takaki was blushing so hard it almost hurt. Inoo still looked amused. “We’re at work!”
“That never stopped us before.”
“Yeah, but we never…” We never took our pants off before wasn’t something Takaki felt he could survive saying out loud, especially in his already-embarrassed state. “Yuto could walk in at any second.”
“Yeah.” Inoo conceded. “That’s what you’re most worried about, isn’t it?”
Inoo’s tone had changed, getting a little more serious, and Takaki knew they weren’t just talking about right now. They were talking about their whole relationship.
“It is.” Takaki looked down at his feet, not realizing until he tried to slip his hands in them that the pair of pants he was wearing didn’t have pockets. “I mean--I know I’m… I’m not straight.”
He hadn’t said that out loud before, and while he did feel a little like he was going to throw up, something about it was liberating, too. It wasn’t just inside him anymore. It wasn’t a secret anymore. Inoo tilted his head, still looking at Takaki.
“Really?” He asked, and Takaki nodded, and the smile, small this time, came back on Inoo’s face. “Okay. But you still don’t want to tell anybody?”
“I’m just afraid, I guess. And not of telling the members about… Well, me, because I know they’d be fine, but about us. And then actually dating--wouldn’t we still have to sneak around?”
“I mean, kind of.” Inoo said thoughtfully. “In front of cameras, or in public and stuff, sure. But it wouldn’t be like we couldn’t do anything. We could still go out together, as long as we didn’t, you know, make out outside or something. We could have some subtle couple jewelry. You could take me to the beach.”
Takaki had to smile at the thought of that. Inoo didn’t really like the beach, but Takaki would love to take him anyway. Inoo’s sun-warmed skin, sitting on a towel in the sand and probably making a pouty face at him, his sunglasses pushed up into his hair with a white stripe of sunscreen down his nose. It felt like an impossible fantasy, but in truth, it was something Takaki could have; something that was within his reach, if he just asked for it. They’d never really talked about their relationship face to face, like it was something that was real, and it made it actually feel real too, for the first time.
“I mean, we couldn’t send each other any sexy text messages.” Inoo was continuing. “Wouldn’t want those getting out. It’s got to all be phone calls if we want to do anything like that.”
It was mostly a joke, Inoo grinning and Takaki laughing.
“It’s not that I would want the whole world to know.” Inoo said, though that was something Takaki already knew. “I just can’t hide things from the members anymore. I already hid who I was for years; I don’t want to hide anything else.”
Takaki nodded a bit. He couldn’t fault Inoo for that.
“But what if we break up?” He had to ask. “And… And what if it’s awful? What if you hate me?”
Inoo was quiet for a long moment, his eyes searching Takaki’s face, his voice uncharacteristically serious when he answered.
“Takaki, I don’t think that there’s anything in the world you could do to make me hate you.”
“Haven’t you heard about how stupid I am?” The tone was too serious, Takaki trying to lighten it, unable not to smile when Inoo laughed.
“Don’t worry, I have. But sometimes cute and stupid are enough.” He said, Takaki laughing too.
“Don’t forget my sexy bod.”
“I could never forget your sexy, sexy bod.” Inoo answered, his voice a little more serious than their joking tones in the sentences beforehand. “There’s a pair of sweatpants you wear to dance practice sometimes that are seriously bad for my health.”
“Yeah?” Takaki raised his eyebrows. “You’ll have to tell me which ones.”
“Would telling you make you wear them more, or wear them less?” Inoo asked back.
“You’ll have to tell me and find out.”
Inoo laughed, extending his arm as though to punch Takaki in the chest. Takaki reached out halfway through the motion, catching his hand, Inoo’s face completely softening into a smile at the contact.
“It’s not like you don’t watch me during dance practice too.” Inoo said, teasing now. “I know, because I always catch you.”
That was true. There was something about it, something about seeing Inoo the way he was naturally--unstyled hair, bare face, and casual clothes--watching him move his body, that drew Takaki’s eyes. Dance practice days were the days that had always ended with them kissing; something about watching Inoo dance made it hard for Takaki not to touch him.
“Well, maybe I can’t help it.” Takaki answered. Inoo’s hand was still in his, Takaki unable not to wonder what would happen if he pulled Inoo closer. He’d missed Inoo, missed kissing him, missed feeling Inoo’s skin under his fingertips.
“Maybe that’s what you should do, then.” Inoo said. “Instead of watching videos of other guys.” There was a flirty grin on his face now, an expression that Takaki wanted to kiss off his lips. “You always watch me on dance practice days; there must be some reason for that. So maybe you could just think about me instead. I definitely wouldn’t mind.”
That… That was too much, Inoo telling Takaki-giving Takaki permission-to fantasize about him, and he couldn’t help himself, pulling Inoo close, and Inoo leaned in, leaned up, their lips meeting. The kiss was searing and needy, feeling like a breath of fresh air, like he’d been drowning for months and didn’t know it.
Thankfully, he didn’t seem like the only one. Inoo gasped against his lips, his hand tightening around Takaki’s own, his other hand reaching forwards and gripping onto Takaki’s shirt. Takaki reached up, the kiss deepening, about to slide his fingers into Inoo’s hair when there was a loud bang on the closet door. They jumped apart, the sound sudden and terrifying, Yuto’s loud voice coming through the door.
“I’m back!” He exclaimed, pounding on the door again. “You guys alive in there?”
If the door had been open, Takaki felt he just might have strangled Yuto.
“Barely.” Inoo answered back after a moment, wiping at his mouth with his fingertips and sounding out of breath. They both just stood there, watching Yuto remove the door stops--and having a little trouble, since Takaki kicking the door had lodged the door stops in a bit deeper than they’d meant to be--and swinging the door open.
“Well?” He asked. It was just him, and he was beaming proudly at them, sticking his hands on his hips. “Did it work? Are you best friends now?”
Takaki still kind of wanted to kill Yuto for interrupting them, so he didn’t want to give him any satisfaction in answering. Inoo began to grin, slinging an arm around Takaki’s shoulders.
“Oh, we’re more than friends now.” He said, the insinuation in his voice making Yuto laugh, and they left the recording studio together.
Inoo’s “just think about me instead” comment worked. Takaki couldn’t help but feel that even if Inoo hadn’t mentioned it, that’s where his mind would have gone anyway after their desperate kiss in the closet that had been so rudely interrupted. Now that he had a framework, a visual for how things normally happened, it was almost too easy for his brain to continue the scenario, and so good that his shower water began to run cold before he’d finished.
Unfortunately, it worked a little too well. At first, he couldn’t watch Inoo do simple things-like tilt his head back to drink water, or brush his sweaty bangs from his eyes, or pull up the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his face-without getting at least a little worked up. He almost couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without realizing that Inoo was sexy, sexy in a carefree, sultry kind of way. It was almost an illusion, because it broke as soon as Inoo smiled and he was pretty and happy and cute again, sending a spark of affection into Takaki’s chest instead.
He couldn’t stay away from Inoo anymore. He just couldn’t. At first he stressed about it, because staying away from Inoo was the status quo. It was what he’d always done in person, interacting with him when they were next to each other but otherwise keeping his distance. But then, he realized, in another truly stupid moment, that he didn’t have to. He didn’t have any reason not to act like Inoo’s friend. So he got over himself and just did.
It helped that they were starting their JUMPing Carnival tour. Touring always made Takaki’s walls come down-touring made everyone’s walls come down-and he was more open to talking, to laughing, to teasing and being teased. He began calling Inoo regularly again, and once he called Inoo, Inoo began calling him, too. They texted often. The rest of the group were delighted, Yuto crowing in pleasure whenever they mentioned going for a meal together, or walking around town on a day off.
“It worked!” He exclaimed. He had told the rest of the group what he’d done, and none of the others had seemed to have any sympathy for Takaki and Inoo’s situation, much to Takaki’s chagrin. “My idea worked!”
“It was originally my idea.” Chinen deadpanned, but that didn’t dampen Yuto’s spirits in the slightest.
“I’m relieved.” Inoo confessed later, about a month into the JUMPing Carnival tour dates. They were on the phone, each standing outside on a balcony on the same floor. They were too far away to actually hear each other in person but Takaki could see Inoo, leaning against the balcony and looking back at him. His head was tilted so that he had the phone pressed into his shoulder but was still holding it with one hand, as though it was something precious. Whenever Inoo laughed particularly loudly, Takaki could hear the laughter over the line and in real life, too.
“About what?” Takaki asked, looking out into the street. Though the sun had set hours ago, wasn’t so late yet that the trains had stopped running, and the city was still alive with light.
“Our relationship. You had pulled away so much; I was nervous.” Inoo said. “I thought that I’d ruined it. I’m glad we’re friends again.”
“Sorry.” Takaki felt he had to say, because if anyone had been sabotaging their relationship, it had to have been him. Inoo hadn’t done a single thing wrong. But, Takaki felt, at least he was the one trying to fix it, too.
“I mean, I don’t blame you for anything.” Inoo told him. “It’s not like I ever only wanted friendship from you anyway. I was part of… All of this mess too.”
As fun as it was, the JUMPing Carnival tour eventually came to a close, a new release that was some silly, upbeat song for a shampoo commercial was right on its heels. The filming of the music video was fun-though, truly, Takaki had always found music video filming to be fun-sitting between Inoo and Yabu for a majority of it and letting himself sneak glances in Inoo’s direction. And honestly, “sneak” was a very loose term, with Inoo catching his eyes almost every single time, but whenever he did he would smile, so Takaki didn’t feel bad for looking.
The song, Kimi Attraction, was released the last week of October, promotions for it carrying them into November of 2015. Their eighth CD debut anniversary was on the fourteenth of the month, and in celebration Johnny bought them a very expensive meal that was brought to the work building. They commandeered one of the break rooms, setting up a huge table and crowding their chairs around it, talking and laughing and eating.
Inoo snagged a seat next to Takaki before they’d started eating, and Takaki absently touched his knee to Inoo’s on and off throughout the meal. He didn’t really have a reason for doing it, simply shrugging when Inoo glanced at him questioningly, but the small smile playing on Inoo’s lips at the contact was reason enough not to stop.
It was the comfort of good food and even better company, a contentment and happiness settling bone-deep in Takaki as the meal progressed. He loved these people, he loved his group, so happy with the eight of them in his life that it almost hurt if he thought about it too hard. They stayed for hours, and even then didn’t finish all of the food, packing it up in little individual boxes for each of them to take home. They left gradually, naturally, and by coincidence Takaki found himself sitting alone, Inoo next to him. He touched his knee to Inoo’s again.
“What is that?” Inoo asked him, gesturing to their touching knees. Inoo was dressed in simple clothes, a little bundled up for the cold weather, his hair flopped straight down, his face bare, his eyes bright. Takaki couldn’t stop smiling at him. “What are you doing?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Takaki answered innocently, tapping out a beat on the table with his pointer fingers as he pulled his knee away, finishing the rhythm with his knee bumping Inoo’s again.
Inoo laughed a little, getting to his feet, and even when he wasn’t laughing anymore he was smiling so much that it looked like it was taking effort to keep his lips closed. He just stood there, looking down at Takaki for a moment. His expression was almost too much; simple, unabashed, open adoration that had Takaki’s heart aching in the best way.
“What?” Takaki had to ask. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Inoo gave his head a small shake, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Takaki’s lips. It was short, close-mouthed and sweet, Inoo turning away once he’d pulled back to gather his things.
“I… What was that for?” Takaki asked, Inoo shrugging.
“Nothing. I just like you.” Inoo answered, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He glanced back on his way out the door, and Takaki loved everything about Inoo in that moment; his floppy, dyed-brown hair, the slight slouch in his posture, his full lips, the way his eyelids fell over his eyes, and his long eyelashes. Takaki wanted all of it, wanted to hold him and kiss him all over until he laughed and kissed Takaki back. He sat there long after Inoo had gone, watching the space he’d been, the realization of his feelings, the depth of them, coming--not fast and frightening--but soft and settling instead.
He loved Inoo. He did. Now he just had to do something about it.