Coming Out (10/11)
Title: Coming Out
Author: thanku4urlove
Pairing: Inoo/Takaki
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Slight cursing, discussions about sexuality, bullying, kissing
Genre: Slice of life? Slow burn, romance
Summary: It's the end of 2007. Inoo Kei is seventeen, and just debuted with nine other boys in Johnny's Entertainment's new group "Hey! Say! JUMP". He's a bit nervous, and a bit overwhelmed, and thinks he might be developing a bit of a crush on his bandmate, Takaki Yuya. It's embarrassing when Takaki finds out, but Inoo is sure that the crush isn't going to go anywhere. They aren't really that close, and Takaki says he's straight, and it's just a little bit of affection. It'll go away. Right?
About phone calls, first experiences, and falling in love.
A/N: We're coming close to the end! Thank you to everyone that's read along so far!
Previous Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
This chapter can also be read on AO3 here! (x)
Inoo spent the next couple of days wondering if he should have run after Takaki. After three full days of complete silence, avoidance, and near-panicked rushes from work, Inoo came to the conclusion that yes, he should have.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say, and even if he did, didn’t know how to get Takaki alone to say it without causing a scene. He couldn’t be the one to call Takaki first, not wanting to come across as desperate, or even remotely flirty, waiting-wanting-for Takaki to call him first. But it wasn’t happening.
Still, they had the twenty-fourth, the day one of them always called. It was cutting it really close, two days before the release of their new song Come On A My House, but Inoo was holding out hope they wouldn’t be too busy to talk. They’d actually released Hitomi no SCREEN on the twenty-fourth of the month and hadn’t been too busy to talk then.
By ten at night, Inoo was starting to get a little nervous. Work had let out two hours ago; Takaki had to be home by now. It was getting late. They’d called each other on this date, without fail, for years now. Why wasn’t he calling?
Panic began settling in once eleven o’clock hit. Eleven-thirty. Eleven-forty-five. Takaki still hadn’t called. It was five minutes to midnight when realization settled into Inoo’s gut like a stone. It just wasn’t happening. Takaki wasn’t going to call him.
Despite saying he wouldn’t do it, Inoo dialed Takaki’s number instead, watching the clock on his wall. Even if it was only one minute before midnight, it would still count. Now all Takaki needed to do was pick up.
The phone rang, and rang, and eventually, the prerecorded message inviting Inoo to Takaki’s voicemail began. Takaki hadn’t answered. Not only was he not calling, he didn’t even want to talk to Inoo at all. A lump began rising in Inoo’s throat.
Midnight came and went. The twenty-fourth passed, the four year streak was broken, and Inoo felt tears welling up in his eyes. All for a kiss, for one stupid kiss, he’d gone and let himself ruin one of the best relationships with another person he’d had in his life.
At six minutes after, barely even scratching the surface of the pool of wallowing Inoo was fully preparing to throw himself into, his cell phone rang in his hand. It startled Inoo so badly that he flung the phone away, having to get up off his bed and scramble after it. He picked it up and answered, pressing it to his ear with both his hand and his shoulder.
“Hi.”
“Hi, I-damn it-it’s me.”
It was Takaki. It was a strangely out of breath, cursing, breathing heavily into the receiver Takaki, but it was Takaki all the same. The tears that had been welling in Inoo’s eyes sprung up again, but this time from relief.
“You’re late.” Inoo said, knowing he sounded petulant but not caring.
“Yeah, I… Shit, sorry, I…”
“Are…” Inoo had to frown. “What are you doing? Are you okay?”
“I… Well, I mean, I was nervous, I guess.” Takaki said after a moment, but Inoo knew, with the complete way that Takaki had been avoiding him, that the semi-casual tone and tacked on ‘I guess’ made that the understatement of the century. “So I took a shower to think about it a little, and whatever, I was in there for too long and I didn’t realize the time, and I ran out to get my phone-damn, I’m still dripping all over the floor-”
Inoo realized in that moment that he was speaking to a wet, fresh out of the shower, probably completely naked-or at least wrapped haphazardly in a towel-Takaki Yuya. His throat was suddenly very dry.
“And I stubbed my toe and that knocked my phone off the table, then hit my head when I was bending down to pick it up.”
And there was the dumb side of him, the dorkiness that offset all the sexy and made him completely loveable instead.
“Do you mind if I set you down to go get dressed?” Takaki asked, and Inoo was fairly certain that his brain was short-circuiting.
“Oh, uh, yeah, sure.” The words stumbled out of his mouth. “I don’t. Don’t mind, I mean.”
“Okay.”
Inoo cursed lowly to himself as he heard the clatter of the phone being set down. It was time to have this conversation, to talk about this, and despite how badly he’d wanted Takaki to call him, and how relieved he’d been when his phone rang and Takaki’s name was on the screen, he wasn’t sure he wanted to do this. He wasn’t sure that he was ready.
When the phone was picked back up with Takaki’s announcement of “Okay, dressed,” Inoo decided that there was no point in beating around the bush.
“Should I have just not kissed you?”
Takaki made a slight noise, Inoo getting the feeling he was surprised.
“I… What?”
“You heard me.” Inoo grumbled, not eager to repeat himself.
Takaki fell silent.
“No.” He finally said. “No, it was my fault. I’m the one that asked. I don’t… I don’t blame you for, I don’t know, anything.”
“Then stop punishing me!”
“Punishing… You?” Takaki asked.
“Yes! You’re avoiding me like a crazy person. What’s wrong with you?”
“It’s…” Takaki was trailing off a lot. Inoo wondered how awkward he was feeling. “You said I could kiss you, but you didn’t say how good you would be at it.”
“I… I mean…” Now it was Inoo’s turn to be awkward, feeling completely thrown. One of the reasons he’d imagined up for Takaki’s avoidance was that the kiss had been bad, and not the other way around. He couldn’t really reconcile it being bad with the memory of how Takaki had reacted to the kiss, and to him, but still. It was an easy excuse, and he’d clung to it. “I mean, thanks and everything, but wouldn’t that be a good thing?”
“I don’t know.” Takaki responded. The answer didn’t make much sense, but it sounded completely honest, so Inoo took it. Then, “I feel like I liked it too much.”
“No harm in liking something. Especially not a kiss from me.” Inoo had decided beforehand that he wouldn’t get flirty, but with a sentence like that out of Takaki Yuya, the need for a defense mechanism had been too strong to resist. “Why did you even want to kiss me?”
“It just-I don’t really know the reason. I’d been thinking about it for so long.”
If that wasn’t a surprise, Inoo didn’t know what was. He was almost afraid to ask how long was “so long”. If he’d been paying attention, he might have caught the signs of escalation: Takaki asking if he had a “gay vibe”, asking if Inoo was going to kiss Takumi, asking Inoo what kissing a guy was like; even asking Inoo how he knew he was gay.
“Are we going to be weird around each other now?” He asked.
“No!” Takaki exclaimed instantly. “I mean… I don’t want to be.”
“I don’t either. But we can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.” Takaki avoiding him like the plague was evidence enough of that. “How…” Inoo didn’t know how to say this and still be casual, so he gave up. “How are you feeling right now?”
“I don’t know.” Takaki said again. Again, the words didn’t give Inoo much to work with, but again, sounded so honest that Inoo had to take the answer.
“Then we kissed.” Inoo said, changing his tone, strengthening his resolve to how it had been before the kiss; that it would only be once, and that it wouldn’t change anything. He wasn’t going to take advantage of the obviously fragile state Takaki was in, or try to sway him, even accidentally, into anything else with words. The thought of it felt creepy and gross. “We had our one kiss, and now we’ll just be friends, and that’ll be that.”
“Oh.” Try as he might, Inoo couldn’t read the tone in Takaki’s voice. “Yeah. Okay.”
And, miraculously, that’s exactly what happened. They released Come On A My House, finished their nationwide tour, and began gearing up to release another dance number, a song that would be used as the ending theme for Daiki and Yamada’s drama special. Inoo got offered a two episode cameo in a drama that Hikaru was going to be in, beginning to prepare for that.
And throughout the whole thing, he and Takaki stayed about the same. They still talked on the phone once a month, Inoo continuing to give Takaki the occasional, spur-of-the-moment compliment, Takaki continuing to be absolutely, devastatingly attractive. If anything, they were a bit more comfortable around each other in public, having casual conversations at work, Takaki coming over and sitting himself next to Inoo sometimes, if the opportunity arose and they had a moment to relax. They still weren’t super close in person. They didn’t go out and do things together outside of work, but if anything, Inoo was grateful for that; now that Inoo knew what it was like to have Takaki’s lips on his, Takaki’s hands on him, physical distance was good. Physical distance was necessary.
There was less than a month left until the release of their eleventh single, and the group was still trying to perfect the choreography. Days were long and grueling, and they were about six hours into a rather rough dance practice when a break was called. Takaki had been glancing at him today, glancing at him a lot--glancing wasn’t completely uncommon, but today it had him feeling hot under the collar--so Inoo declared himself off to the vending machine, asking if anyone else wanted anything. He was met with a chorus of declinations, most of the members either still going through the dance moves or flopped onto the floor, when Takaki jumped to his feet.
“I want something.”
“Yeah? What? I’ll get it for you.”
“Nah, I’ll come. I don’t have any change anyway.”
Inoo frowned a bit as he pushed his sweaty bangs out of his eyes. He had half a mind to tell Takaki that it was fine, that he was planning on paying for whatever it was Takaki wanted--it wasn’t as though anything in the vending machine was particularly expensive--but Takaki was already past him and walking down the hall, so he didn’t bother.
In truth, Inoo’s plan hadn’t really gone further than to leave the room for a couple of minutes, so now he had to stand in front of the vending machine, with an audience, and decide on something to buy. He drew his lips together as he thought over his options, Takaki just standing there next to him, about to select apple juice to make his silly “Tension Apple” pun when Takaki made a slight, strangled sort of noise.
“What’re you--” Inoo began, turning to him, surprised to see Takaki looking at him in a way that was almost desperate.
“Can I just--” Takaki started, but that was as far as he got, because then he cut himself off, took Inoo’s face in his hands, and kissed him.
This was more like the kiss that Inoo had fantasized about, and despite his surprise, Inoo melted into it almost instantly. His mouth opened easily, kissing Takaki back, and it was all he had not to lean against the vending machine and pull Takaki close to him. Takaki cradled Inoo’s face in his hands, one hand sliding into his hair, Inoo about to reach out to touch Takaki--to put his hands on Takaki’s waist, or around his neck, or something-when he realized what they were doing, and he realized he didn’t know what they were doing at all, and he pulled away.
Takaki didn’t want to let him go, his top teeth biting ever so slightly into Inoo’s bottom lip as he drew back, the sensation sending something electric down Inoo’s spine, unable to help the word that passed his lips, barely a breath.
“Wow.”
And then he realized that he’d said that out loud, about ready to die of mortification, glancing up at Takaki. Takaki didn’t look smug in any way by the compliment, his eyebrows nervously drawn together instead.
“Was that… Was that okay?” Takaki asked him. Inoo felt his eyebrows fly up his forehead.
“You’re seriously asking me if that kiss was okay after I just said ‘wow’ out loud?” He asked back, and Takaki flushed all the way down his neck.
“That wasn’t--that’s not what I meant.”
It took Inoo a moment of mind-clearing head shakes to understand what it was Takaki was asking. If it had been okay to kiss Inoo at all. Takaki looked terribly nervous and unsure, so Inoo tried to phrase his “what the hell just happened” question as casually as he could.
“I guess… I guess I want to know why.”
“You just looked…” Takaki trailed off for just a moment before shaking his head, covering his face with his hands. “This was stupid, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--”
“Takaki.” Inoo stopped something that seemed to be gearing up to be a minor freak-out, placing a hand on Takaki’s shoulder. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to kiss you.” Takaki said. “I’d been--you look so nice today--” Inoo wasn’t sure he agreed with that, feeling sweaty in leggings, shorts, and a baggy t-shirt-- “and I was thinking about last time we kissed, and I really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, but…”
He shrugged, and Inoo, his hand still on Takaki’s shoulder, frowned.
“I’m not mad at you or anything.” He felt the need to say.
“You’re not?”
“Are you kidding me? I said wow.” Inoo said, unable not to grin, and Takaki began smiling back. “Though… We did agree to just be friends.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Takaki said again. “It won’t… I won’t do it again.”
Inoo just laughed a little--Takaki looked sorry, but not nearly sorry enough--grabbing Takaki’s hand to drag him back to the practice room. Takaki came, leaning forwards a bit in response to Inoo’s pulling on him, his face one of confusion.
“Didn’t you want something from the vending machine?”
Oh, right; Inoo’s excuse to leave the room. He shook his head.
“I wasn’t actually thirsty or anything. I just needed to get out of there for a minute; all your staring at me got me all hot and bothered.” The blush flooded Takaki’s face again, Inoo letting out a laugh. “Yes, I noticed.”
Inoo dropped Takaki’s hand right outside the practice room doors, Takaki’s promise not to do it again ringing in his mind.
The next time they promised not to do it again, Takaki was wearing those low-slung sweatpants again and Inoo couldn’t help himself, getting into Takaki’s space once everyone else had left, pinning him to the mirrored wall in the practice room. He’d hung back after practice, and Takaki noticed him waiting around and did the same, occasionally glancing over and catching his eye, Inoo taking that as permission enough to kiss him stupid. And he did, his hands on Takaki’s chest, Takaki’s fingers in his hair.
The next two times were both Takaki’s fault, but Inoo wasn’t complaining, though he knew he probably should be. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was just digging himself a grave. Setting himself up for disaster. He didn’t shy away from asking questions though, wanting to know where Takaki’s head was in all of this.
“How do you feel?” He asked over the phone. “What’s going on?”
“I’m not sure.” Takaki, thankfully, was just as honest, though he sounded embarrassed as he spoke. “It’s not… It’s not a feeling I have about any other guys. I just want to kiss you.”
Inoo wasn’t sure what to do with that. As far as he knew, sexuality wasn’t a “you are the only exception” thing, despite what some romance songs might say. People that weren’t strictly straight or gay could have a preference to men or women, but he’d heard that preferences were more like sixty to forty, or eighty to twenty, not over seven billion to one. But, Inoo had to admit; being that “one” was an incredible feeling.
Eventually, all pretense was dropped. They were sneaking around to kiss, and fully acknowledged it. They were no longer trying to keep their hands off each other, instead trying to find small moments in time to get together without the rest of JUMP noticing. It got creative, Inoo lying to leave and doubling back, Takaki pretending to hurt himself, Inoo’s bathroom break conveniently lining up with Takaki stepping out to take a call.
They never moved any of it out of their work building and to a more private location. Inoo still didn’t want to chance it. He was embarrassingly, overwhelmingly attracted to Takaki, and was afraid that if he was given the opportunity to pin Takaki down to a couch, or a bed, or anything more horizontal than the side of a vending machine and more private than a workplace, he might end up propositioning him, and things would go from bad to worse.
Not that he hadn’t thought about it. Or dreamed about it. But still. He shouldn’t actually do it.
Usually, their little makeout sessions were at least somewhat planned. Inoo wasn’t one to be caught off guard. That was a running trend, setting them up beforehand, until all of a sudden, it wasn’t.
Inoo was slowly packing up his stuff--genuinely just taking his time due to exhaustion, no ulterior motive--the rest of the group swept up in a whirlwind of plans to go somewhere with a couple other guys from the agency. It sounded like fun but Inoo felt too tired for it, waving in dismissal and letting them pass him by.
He assumed he was alone, or very nearly so, when a pair of strong arms wound around his waist. There was a low “Hi there,” in his ear, the smile in Takaki’s voice audible, and Inoo felt himself smile back without even realizing it, glancing at the mirrored wall. Takaki was standing behind him, hugging Inoo close to his chest, Inoo reaching up to put his hands on Takaki’s own.
Inoo loved it, behind held by Takaki. Takaki’s chest was firm against Inoo’s back, but Inoo turned in Takaki’s arms, putting his arms around Takaki’s waist. He loved Takaki’s waist too, loved touching it, loved the way Takaki would sometimes squirm and giggle into a kiss if Inoo accidentally tickled him.
“You’re not going with them?” He asked. Takaki made a slight humming noise, bending his head so it was close to Inoo’s neck, his lips brushing the skin where Inoo’s neck met his shoulder as he responded.
“Not sure. I might catch up with them later. I want to shower and stuff.”
“Oh, but your dirty, unwashed self is good enough for me?” He asked, a playful grin on Takaki’s lips as he put his arms around Inoo’s neck.
“Well? Is it good enough?” He asked back, and Inoo just rolled his eyes, unable not to smile, so happy that his chest ached a little.
“Shut up.” He responded as he leaned in. Takaki laughed, the laugh deep and quiet and close, the kind of laugh Inoo would always treasure when he heard it over the phone. But now it was here, and because of him, and only seconds before a kiss. And suddenly, in a strange way, Inoo almost wanted to cry.
He’d messed up. He’d completely messed up. He’d fallen, head over heels, in love with Takaki Yuya.