blame it on the black star
do you think it is better to experience every feeling you can imagine if about 50% of them are bad, or to not experience anything at all? i think the former, i have experienced these things i couldn't imagine physically living through but i did it. though i have not 1 regret in my life, things still constantly get me down and make me wish i was somewhere else.
dan and alex and doost came to visit me this weekend and obviously it was so wonderful to see them, to be with them, to have them be with me, and if you couldnt' have guessed, nothing happened with dan. in fact, i think he's got a thing for alex, which is drowning me down the tubes
i've stopped smoking. though i havent even gotten through an entire day yet, that was the agreement i made with myself. i'd have to stop once my 3 bros left. and now, after a really hard morning saying goodbye and a really painful rehersal, i guess its done. its time for me to start looking back eventhough im only 19 and learn from my mistakes whether i've regretted them or not.
so, i guess this dan thing shouldn't be bothersome anymore but for people like me who think far too much, its not that easy. i'm not hiding from all the shit in my life anymore, i'm not smoking a bowl every time i'd feel like i'm gonna explode. the pot needs to be regulated. yeah, i was a pot smoker, and yeah, i did smoke every day for almost a year but the only significance of that now is that i needed to do that in order to learn to kick myself in the ass for it.
i miss dan, and i'm gonna miss him because i knew he was the only person i could see myself with right now. sounds like bullshit though, and i wouldnt be suprised if after all that he became friends with me to get to her.
every other guy friend of mine-alex has been their motivation to be friends with me. she's beautiful, i can see why. i doubt i'll ever find someone again who regards me as the focal point of their life. one things for sure after this point is i'm not fucking holding on to hope or trust anymore. its bullshit
dan and alex and doost came to visit me this weekend and obviously it was so wonderful to see them, to be with them, to have them be with me, and if you couldnt' have guessed, nothing happened with dan. in fact, i think he's got a thing for alex, which is drowning me down the tubes
i've stopped smoking. though i havent even gotten through an entire day yet, that was the agreement i made with myself. i'd have to stop once my 3 bros left. and now, after a really hard morning saying goodbye and a really painful rehersal, i guess its done. its time for me to start looking back eventhough im only 19 and learn from my mistakes whether i've regretted them or not.
so, i guess this dan thing shouldn't be bothersome anymore but for people like me who think far too much, its not that easy. i'm not hiding from all the shit in my life anymore, i'm not smoking a bowl every time i'd feel like i'm gonna explode. the pot needs to be regulated. yeah, i was a pot smoker, and yeah, i did smoke every day for almost a year but the only significance of that now is that i needed to do that in order to learn to kick myself in the ass for it.
i miss dan, and i'm gonna miss him because i knew he was the only person i could see myself with right now. sounds like bullshit though, and i wouldnt be suprised if after all that he became friends with me to get to her.
every other guy friend of mine-alex has been their motivation to be friends with me. she's beautiful, i can see why. i doubt i'll ever find someone again who regards me as the focal point of their life. one things for sure after this point is i'm not fucking holding on to hope or trust anymore. its bullshit