goodnight
it's 5:30am on a weeknight and i'm walking back to my dorm from studio. there's still a few people working who i managed to finish before; the usual suspects, who just work slower for some inexplicable reason: liza, ibrahim, issac, etc. the studio was a mess, chipboard and cardboard strewn about the floor and scraps of strathmore, trace paper, and color-aid littering everyone's desks. we'll clean it before class to avoid getting yelled at, but it will inevitably deteriorate into similar mess with the work of another day. my mind is cluttered. the realization that i will get maybe three hours of sleep battles with my doubts over the quality of my design, and how it will be critiqued. my draft was okay, but the lineweight is terrible. i had to erase and they'll notice immediately. oh well, i'm too tired for this.
the summer warmth that started the school year has faded into an autumn chill. the trees have lost about half of their leaves, though some are totally bare. as i walk down margaret morrison street, a campus police car cruises by slowly, probably checking me out because it is, after all, 5:30am. the campus is silent. the dorms are almost totally dark with the exception of the same window on every floor, marking the always-lit stairwells. leaves blow across the street, as the streetlights flash yellow. the sky is a subtle mix of purples that contrast with the tangerine glow of the lights lining the street. there is almost no noise at all- and i begin to feel like normal people shouldn't notice these things. they seem to have an intimacy that i am violating, as if i have polluted the calm of this serene environment. i am enlightened for a split-second with an understanding of my place in the world so profound that it must sound comical to explain to anyone else. alas, i remember how little sleep i will get, and i am brought back to reality. the silence is broken by the dull and almost eerie chugging of a freight train about a half mile away.
the dorm is silent and the hallway is empty. profanities written on the community whiteboard become a lot less funny at this time of night, but i still appreciate their presence. as i try to get into bed as silently as possible i think of the day ahead, and the idea that i will be doing this for five years.
i have never before been in such an incredible learning environment, where the sheer intensity of people's ideas, their passion in their beliefs, and the dedication to their work are nearly overwhelming. i have never been the minority as a white man, nor have i ever been the minority as a monolingual. it is the first time in my entire life that i have lived in a place that has resulted in a truly epiphanic reevaluation of myself. and for all the work, the lack of sleep, the friday and saturday nights spent in studio, and the truly disappointing grades, i have an appreciation for this place that perhaps cannot be described in words. in the time of about two months, this institution has changed who i am, how i respond to others, and how i view the world, and i find that absolutely stunning.
for all the work, the self-doubt, the lack of sleep, and the distance from home and friends, i still know that it's worth it. it is the assertion that i can finish a task, that i can improve my work, that i can learn about other cultures and beliefs, that i can explore a city and go out. it is that split-second at 5:30am when i understand the world more than i ever have that i know it's worth it.
the summer warmth that started the school year has faded into an autumn chill. the trees have lost about half of their leaves, though some are totally bare. as i walk down margaret morrison street, a campus police car cruises by slowly, probably checking me out because it is, after all, 5:30am. the campus is silent. the dorms are almost totally dark with the exception of the same window on every floor, marking the always-lit stairwells. leaves blow across the street, as the streetlights flash yellow. the sky is a subtle mix of purples that contrast with the tangerine glow of the lights lining the street. there is almost no noise at all- and i begin to feel like normal people shouldn't notice these things. they seem to have an intimacy that i am violating, as if i have polluted the calm of this serene environment. i am enlightened for a split-second with an understanding of my place in the world so profound that it must sound comical to explain to anyone else. alas, i remember how little sleep i will get, and i am brought back to reality. the silence is broken by the dull and almost eerie chugging of a freight train about a half mile away.
the dorm is silent and the hallway is empty. profanities written on the community whiteboard become a lot less funny at this time of night, but i still appreciate their presence. as i try to get into bed as silently as possible i think of the day ahead, and the idea that i will be doing this for five years.
i have never before been in such an incredible learning environment, where the sheer intensity of people's ideas, their passion in their beliefs, and the dedication to their work are nearly overwhelming. i have never been the minority as a white man, nor have i ever been the minority as a monolingual. it is the first time in my entire life that i have lived in a place that has resulted in a truly epiphanic reevaluation of myself. and for all the work, the lack of sleep, the friday and saturday nights spent in studio, and the truly disappointing grades, i have an appreciation for this place that perhaps cannot be described in words. in the time of about two months, this institution has changed who i am, how i respond to others, and how i view the world, and i find that absolutely stunning.
for all the work, the self-doubt, the lack of sleep, and the distance from home and friends, i still know that it's worth it. it is the assertion that i can finish a task, that i can improve my work, that i can learn about other cultures and beliefs, that i can explore a city and go out. it is that split-second at 5:30am when i understand the world more than i ever have that i know it's worth it.