Dear Boston Police Department
Dear Boston Police Department,
You have already found that public explosions of innocent devices are good for drawing attention. Unfortunately, a jaded country won't let you rest on your laurels. Each new detonation must be more spectacular than the previous to capture the national media. Your most recent effort was very disappointing, so I thought I'd offer some suggestions for how you might take events like these to the next level.
tfofurn
PS: Congratulations on keeping the terrorists from finding out how many people or cars travel through the Financial District. They were probably checking to see if it was a good place to put a hoax bomb for maximum disruption. I see that no buildings were evacuated, so I guess not.
You have already found that public explosions of innocent devices are good for drawing attention. Unfortunately, a jaded country won't let you rest on your laurels. Each new detonation must be more spectacular than the previous to capture the national media. Your most recent effort was very disappointing, so I thought I'd offer some suggestions for how you might take events like these to the next level.
- During the day, place a watermelon near the charge to enhance the splatter factor. On second thought, it might be better to start with a smaller melon and work your way up.
- Get one of those high-speed cameras like they use on MythBusters. Every explosion looks better in slow motion.
- At night, supplement the charge with something flashy from Zambelli. The range of stuff they offer will blow your mind.
- Pick a signature piece of music to start playing when you begin setting up. The sound of it will alert people nearby that there's excitement brewing so a large crowd can develop. The 1812 Overture might be cliché at this point, so you might want to try the last movement of Mahler's First Symphony. You'll have twenty-plus minutes of exciting build-up, and the crowd will be pumped by the time you hit the detonator.
- Should you find an actual bomb, wait until it can be detonated live on the evening news. The local media will be at your beck and call for weeks after a display of courtesy like that.
tfofurn
PS: Congratulations on keeping the terrorists from finding out how many people or cars travel through the Financial District. They were probably checking to see if it was a good place to put a hoax bomb for maximum disruption. I see that no buildings were evacuated, so I guess not.