His attempt to reassure Swindle via the bond is immediate and without conscious intent, although he doesn't regret it. It does, however, disconcert him a little - in the same way as all reminders that his thoughts are not entirely his own, and that he has no way of telling any more how much of his desires and impulses are a result of the gestalt programming.
//Yeah, I'll ask.//
He ignores the implicit criticism in Swindle's statement about not going through millions of years of jealousy and other garbage like with him. If it wasn't for the combiner programming - and getting stranded in the Nexus - that would never have come to an end.
//Uh, probably not right now, though. He's kinda torqued about the whole 'getting put back in the CR and having the engravings vanish again' thing.//
He pauses, again searching for the right words.
//Uh, Swin, how, um... How the frag did you bond the things in the first place? 'Cause this one time one of the Autobots showed me his spark and I kinda burned the inside of my mouth. But it didn't like do anything.//
Swindle absorbs the reassurance, although he can feel a degree of pique' emanating down the bond - of the sort which used to precede arguments. He feels further reassured that Vortex does not go down that path, and wonders what he said. He mutters: // I'm not having a go at you or anything V. Just at myself for getting so screwed up about everything. All I'm saying is - I don't wanna do that again. Over anyone. Or have them do it over me. //
He doesn't understand the 'engravings' comment, and is a little disappointed that Vortex can't ask Cyclonus "now." Especially since the guy is obviously right there. But then he thinks of how he, Swindle, is probably not Cyclonus' favorite mech at the moment, and decides not to push the issue. Anyway, Vortex asks that question about the sparks.
And despite his bleak mood, and the apallingness of his whole situation, it amuses him:
// You're not supposed to try and eat them, Vortex! When you bond them, you just kinda put them together. I dunno - it just happens. It's like - everything slides into place. You don't really think about it. It just - happens! //
// Then its a bit like.... // he chooses his words, not wanting to say anything which may make his team mate take offence for any reason.
// .... it's a bit like what went down between us. You know - recently. Sort of. Different is some ways, though. Yeah - but a bit like that I guess. More intense, in some ways. Quite painful, really.//
Swindle isn't sure that's the right way to differentiate, or that he's put things very well. The thought of the Sparkbond makes him feel wretched all over again.
Frag, so Swindle felt that. He doesn't want to explain it - it's far too intimate a thing to discuss over comms, and now isn't the time. Not that any time is the right time to air his concerns about the programming, that kind of thing is far too close to revealing weakness. No, better to keep all that to himself.
//Yeah, I get it,// he says. //You don't need that scrap. Anyway, I wasn't trying to eat his spark. It was more...//
He toys with the idea of telling Swindle about Blurr's broken sparkbond, but decides that it's unlikely to be useful right now, with the immediacy of the situation in the caves.
//He liked the feeling of it. Burnt my fingers too, but it was worth it.//
It isn't a lie, but he reasons that he can give Swindle more details later, when the knowledge isn't likely to distract him.
Which it almost certainly would do right now, considering Swindle's focus on the emotive side of the sparkbond. Vortex had been hoping for an insight into the mechanics of the process, but he realises a little too late that this might have been too much to hope for.
//Nothing like the other night though,// he adds, to ensure that Swindle doesn't take it the wrong way, and a small thrill of current shivers through him at the recollection.
Still, Swindle's description of the sparkbond reminds Vortex of the unnerving depth of his team mate's emotional responses. Like his feelings about the programming, it isn't something he really wants to think about right now - if ever - let alone talk about. He decides to focus on something more practical.
Swindle can feel the shudder go through Vortex at the further mention of 'the other night' and it does the same to him. For a moment, he's taken right back to the amazing sensations and overloads, to the closeness, and everything else goes out of his mind.
He vaguely hears the question about the ammo and mutters: // Yeah - I got some off Chromia. //
He doesn't elaborate.
But he's puzzled about the spark thing, and can't help wondering about it, despite the current situation.
// Vortex - what were you doing fiddling with some Autobot's spark? //
There's no jealousy in his tone. He's just insufferably curious.
Swindle's curiosity makes him grin beneath his shiny new battle mask.
//Taking advantage,// he replies. //All for the cause, obviously.//
He considers how much to tell Swindle; he still doesn't think mentioning Blurr's broken sparkbond at this point would be all that helpful.
//It was that blue Autobot, the quick one. Used to follow me around way back when we first turned up here. Recently, he got a bit... low what with one thing and another. Needed a bit of a boost. He's a great source of intel.//
He would go on, but he doesn't think it would be productive to tell Swindle the full reason he cultivates this particular lead, and by extension Bumblebee. He isn't sure the sentimantal side of Swindle needs to know that he's gathering personal information on the Autobots to make them far easier to crack when the war inevitably starts up again.
But Swindle's picked up on certain terms. Like 'taking advantage,' and 'for the cause,' and 'a great source of intel.' and maybe just a little more across the bond than Vortex intended.
He finds himself tingling with a whole new range of sensations. Of pride. And - undeniable excitement. The thought of vortex subjugating Autobots like that - with spark manipulation! Now that was really something. And amazingly titillating as well.
There's none of the jealousy or bitterness there used to be when confronted with the reality of Vortex 'with' other mechs, whoever they may be. None of the feelings there were, in fact, he now recalls, when he encountered Vortex once before 'all over' this particular mech.
A ripple runs across Swindle's circuits. He's suddenly so immersed in sensations to do with his gestalt partner and ideas in his processor about what else the copter might do, that he transforms and starts to roll again, afraid that if he doesn't he'll forget where he's going.
// So - you'll - uh - have to tell me more about your - techniques - sometime, Vortex. //
He sounds positively cheerful. And there's a touch of seduction in his tone. He crashes gears, and rolls a little faster, still tingling, aware that the new 'feelings' are all going across the bond, and not caring at all.
Swindle's statement sounds far more like a come on than a genuine desire to get to know Vortex's methods, and Vortex laughs. The attention is pleasing, as is his seeming ability to distract Swindle from his sparkbond.
And as for the emotive response... He isn't used to his team mates keeping the bond open for anything other than combining or the occasional frag, so this is very new, and very intriguing.
Swindle's thoughts return instantly to his gloomy mission, and the desire to see his sparkmate again is almost overwhelming. It amazes and alarms Swindle the way it can just spring into his counsciousness like that.
It's interwoven with other less than pleasant thoughts. Swindle finds himself unable to forget the pleasurable sensations he felt through the sparkbond, does he even want me any more? Eons of rejection by his team mates has, he realizes, made him vulnerable and paranoid.
Then there's Slinky's questionnable mental state. And whatever trouble might be brewing in the form of Perceptor appearing at the caves. Swindle feels suddently depressed, like its all too much. His thoughts go straight back to Vortex, and how much things have changed, and for the first time he wonders if can, in fact, cope with two bonds in any event. He thinks again about breaking the sparkbond and winces, unable to raise the subject again.
Aware that his sudden mood swing cannot fail to cross the bond, he mutters:
// I won't get slagged. If push comes to shove, I'll just get Blast Off to get me out of there. Then he can take me to the medbay. I'm bound to be in the shit. Well, that's OK. I'll just take whatever punishment Cyclonus wants to dish out and stay there for a while. //
.... and he or Scorpanok can break the bond .....
// Nothing might matter by then anyway. Except you and Blast Off and the rest of the team, of course. You'll always matter. //
Nothing else will, he thinks, if something happens to Slinky or if Slinky and he aren't together after this.
Another mood swing, and Vortex has the urge to ask Cyclonus to bring Swindle back to medbay right now. Anything to keep him away from the source of this disruption. Vortex doesn't see how one mech can inspire so much psychological turbulence (having never been on the receiving end of his own attentions). But telling Cyclonus before Swindle wants him to would be a betrayal - and besides, he doesn't actually know where Swindle is.
//Too right we'll always matter. When, uh... when you get out of all this, you know where I am.//
Probably, he thinks, unless Cyclonus has put him somewhere else by then.
He should just say: "yeah - no worries, V!" cut the com, and roll on. But the sense of the unknown is suddenly upon him, that feeling that he might not see Vortex for a while, depressingly vivid. It feels like he only just truly got to know his team mate, and now he's going to leave him.
A hazy craziness stretches ahead, and the copter seems like the last thread binding Swindle to sensibility, and the familiar. And whilst the bond is very much there, Swindle can't bring himself to break the more tangible link, to not hear his team mate's voice.
He's sudddenly choked, and doesn't know what to say, his engine making small sputtering sounds. Unable to control his choice of words, he blurts out,
// Vortex don't close the bond again. Please. I love you. And if this all goes to hell - I'll need you. //
He thinks it sounds pathetic, and undeniably Autobotish, but he can't help that. It's how he feels. His frame shudders, his tyres crunching, as a mighty surge of strong emotion and the utmost devotion forges across the bond.
As always, it's so very gratifying to hear those words, to know that he's wanted and needed, to feel it across the bond - much as he holds no store in any such concept as love.
He hopes Swindle doesn't expect the same kind of over-sentimental nonsense in return, because he isn't getting it.
But the outpouring of emotion from Swindle coincides with Cyclonus doing something very interesting to Vortex, and all that echoes back along the bond is an intense thrill of excitement, and a deep glow of gratified approval.
//You do what needs to be done,// he says. He figures that Swindle can take it whatever way he likes. Swindle better need him when this is over, whether it all goes to the pit or not.
The apparent 'response' to his words, followed immediately by what Swindle takes as another manifestation of the new 'caring attitude' of his team mate, sends a warmth and a thrill through Swindle's own circuits which he sends back through the bond.
Amazed and delighted by the 'reciprocation,' he finds himself wondering about the sparkbond, whether it is even possible for it to work any more.
Crystallizing his thoughts, he says heavily: // Heck, I dunno Vortex. This - thing with Slinky. It was different when I went into it. I was different - you know. We were different.
// I shouldn't have gone into it. I kinda feel guilty now - you know? All that - fragging other mechs. I reckon it's to do with that. So yeah, I have to do what I have to.
He goes on, thinking out loud: // Maybe I won't have to break it. If I just - you know - hang out - with you and Blast Off. It might just sort of - go away.
He chooses to ignore the fact that he thought this before, and it didn't.
//You could try,// he hazards. But he doesn't want to suggest any ways Swindle could dissolve the bond; he'd rather Swindle just came back, even if he had to spend a while in the brig when he did.
Perhaps he'd see the light after all, and use the sparkbond as the tool it seemed to be. All those insights into a foreign mech, they had to be useful.
The copter's 'concern' strikes deep into Swindle again, and he is filled with a great rush of emotion. It is as though his whole history with his team mate plays before him: the first time he saw him, the night on the roof, the ever present thrill of just being in his company, before the war, before the box; the aching fantasies which kept him ever online, then the arrest, the fear, the eons of solitude and segregation, the copter's rejection after and the bitterness and hurt; his own betrayal, his long, long punishment for that, the anguish and despair, and how he never, ever thought that could ever be fixed - until the other night
Memories of a myriad sensations come back to Swindle; of rich fuel and black metal and power and flight and speed, of exquisite touch and searing heat, of desire and ecstasy, burning, of every circuit and synapse wild with charge and of every part of him alive as he and the copter finally connected; all infused with tenderness, with his love for his team mate, and haunted by the subtle mingling scents of the copter's alloys and of the rain and the pine forest.
Overwhelmed, Swindle can't speak, his engine sputters and chokes, a wealth of feelings cascading down the bond, as he simply mutters: // Vortex ....
He can see the country change ahead, the rocky outcrops which stretch before the caves, the terrain too rough to drive. Swindle knows he'll have to fly. And he could stay on the comm of course - oh, he much wants to do that - but he knows he needs to concentrate on the task ahead; and he knows also that if he keeps this up he'll cause his team mate distress - and that he does not want to do. No, whatever else, not that. Never again.
Pulling up and transforming, he says: // I will come back, Vortex, I promise. And I'll never go away again.
Then, with an ache in his spark, Swindle cuts the comm, vaguely remembering that he told his sparkmate that very same thing, and did not stick to it.
Yet, this is different, Swindle tells himself, focusing with an effort and preparing thrusters. Yes, different. For whatever happens, he and Vortex will never, ever really be apart again. No, never. No matter where they both may be. And, with this in mind, he sends such reassurance through the bond.
//You do that,// he says, although the comm is already closed. It doesn't matter to him how long Swindle stays away, as long as he's still team, as long as he stays online, as long as he comes back eventually.
Or so he like to think. But he wants his team close, he wants Swindle close. He brings his attention back to Cyclonus, and wonders exactly how long he'll be incarcerated this time.
//Yeah, I'll ask.//
He ignores the implicit criticism in Swindle's statement about not going through millions of years of jealousy and other garbage like with him. If it wasn't for the combiner programming - and getting stranded in the Nexus - that would never have come to an end.
//Uh, probably not right now, though. He's kinda torqued about the whole 'getting put back in the CR and having the engravings vanish again' thing.//
He pauses, again searching for the right words.
//Uh, Swin, how, um... How the frag did you bond the things in the first place? 'Cause this one time one of the Autobots showed me his spark and I kinda burned the inside of my mouth. But it didn't like do anything.//
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Swindle absorbs the reassurance, although he can feel a degree of pique' emanating down the bond - of the sort which used to precede arguments. He feels further reassured that Vortex does not go down that path, and wonders what he said. He mutters: // I'm not having a go at you or anything V. Just at myself for getting so screwed up about everything. All I'm saying is - I don't wanna do that again. Over anyone. Or have them do it over me. //
He doesn't understand the 'engravings' comment, and is a little disappointed that Vortex can't ask Cyclonus "now." Especially since the guy is obviously right there. But then he thinks of how he, Swindle, is probably not Cyclonus' favorite mech at the moment, and decides not to push the issue. Anyway, Vortex asks that question about the sparks.
And despite his bleak mood, and the apallingness of his whole situation, it amuses him:
// You're not supposed to try and eat them, Vortex! When you bond them, you just kinda put them together. I dunno - it just happens. It's like - everything slides into place. You don't really think about it. It just - happens! //
// Then its a bit like.... // he chooses his words, not wanting to say anything which may make his team mate take offence for any reason.
// .... it's a bit like what went down between us. You know - recently. Sort of. Different is some ways, though. Yeah - but a bit like that I guess. More intense, in some ways. Quite painful, really.//
Swindle isn't sure that's the right way to differentiate, or that he's put things very well. The thought of the Sparkbond makes him feel wretched all over again.
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//Yeah, I get it,// he says. //You don't need that scrap. Anyway, I wasn't trying to eat his spark. It was more...//
He toys with the idea of telling Swindle about Blurr's broken sparkbond, but decides that it's unlikely to be useful right now, with the immediacy of the situation in the caves.
//He liked the feeling of it. Burnt my fingers too, but it was worth it.//
It isn't a lie, but he reasons that he can give Swindle more details later, when the knowledge isn't likely to distract him.
Which it almost certainly would do right now, considering Swindle's focus on the emotive side of the sparkbond. Vortex had been hoping for an insight into the mechanics of the process, but he realises a little too late that this might have been too much to hope for.
//Nothing like the other night though,// he adds, to ensure that Swindle doesn't take it the wrong way, and a small thrill of current shivers through him at the recollection.
Still, Swindle's description of the sparkbond reminds Vortex of the unnerving depth of his team mate's emotional responses. Like his feelings about the programming, it isn't something he really wants to think about right now - if ever - let alone talk about. He decides to focus on something more practical.
//You got enough ammo?//
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Swindle can feel the shudder go through Vortex at the further mention of 'the other night' and it does the same to him. For a moment, he's taken right back to the amazing sensations and overloads, to the closeness, and everything else goes out of his mind.
He vaguely hears the question about the ammo and mutters: // Yeah - I got some off Chromia. //
He doesn't elaborate.
But he's puzzled about the spark thing, and can't help wondering about it, despite the current situation.
// Vortex - what were you doing fiddling with some Autobot's spark? //
There's no jealousy in his tone. He's just insufferably curious.
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//Taking advantage,// he replies. //All for the cause, obviously.//
He considers how much to tell Swindle; he still doesn't think mentioning Blurr's broken sparkbond at this point would be all that helpful.
//It was that blue Autobot, the quick one. Used to follow me around way back when we first turned up here. Recently, he got a bit... low what with one thing and another. Needed a bit of a boost. He's a great source of intel.//
He would go on, but he doesn't think it would be productive to tell Swindle the full reason he cultivates this particular lead, and by extension Bumblebee. He isn't sure the sentimantal side of Swindle needs to know that he's gathering personal information on the Autobots to make them far easier to crack when the war inevitably starts up again.
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But Swindle's picked up on certain terms. Like 'taking advantage,' and 'for the cause,' and 'a great source of intel.' and maybe just a little more across the bond than Vortex intended.
He finds himself tingling with a whole new range of sensations. Of pride. And - undeniable excitement. The thought of vortex subjugating Autobots like that - with spark manipulation! Now that was really something. And amazingly titillating as well.
There's none of the jealousy or bitterness there used to be when confronted with the reality of Vortex 'with' other mechs, whoever they may be. None of the feelings there were, in fact, he now recalls, when he encountered Vortex once before 'all over' this particular mech.
A ripple runs across Swindle's circuits. He's suddenly so immersed in sensations to do with his gestalt partner and ideas in his processor about what else the copter might do, that he transforms and starts to roll again, afraid that if he doesn't he'll forget where he's going.
// So - you'll - uh - have to tell me more about your - techniques - sometime, Vortex. //
He sounds positively cheerful. And there's a touch of seduction in his tone. He crashes gears, and rolls a little faster, still tingling, aware that the new 'feelings' are all going across the bond, and not caring at all.
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And as for the emotive response... He isn't used to his team mates keeping the bond open for anything other than combining or the occasional frag, so this is very new, and very intriguing.
//I'll tell you if you don't get slagged.//
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Swindle's thoughts return instantly to his gloomy mission, and the desire to see his sparkmate again is almost overwhelming. It amazes and alarms Swindle the way it can just spring into his counsciousness like that.
It's interwoven with other less than pleasant thoughts. Swindle finds himself unable to forget the pleasurable sensations he felt through the sparkbond, does he even want me any more? Eons of rejection by his team mates has, he realizes, made him vulnerable and paranoid.
Then there's Slinky's questionnable mental state. And whatever trouble might be brewing in the form of Perceptor appearing at the caves. Swindle feels suddently depressed, like its all too much. His thoughts go straight back to Vortex, and how much things have changed, and for the first time he wonders if can, in fact, cope with two bonds in any event. He thinks again about breaking the sparkbond and winces, unable to raise the subject again.
Aware that his sudden mood swing cannot fail to cross the bond, he mutters:
// I won't get slagged. If push comes to shove, I'll just get Blast Off to get me out of there. Then he can take me to the medbay. I'm bound to be in the shit. Well, that's OK. I'll just take whatever punishment Cyclonus wants to dish out and stay there for a while. //
.... and he or Scorpanok can break the bond .....
// Nothing might matter by then anyway. Except you and Blast Off and the rest of the team, of course. You'll always matter. //
Nothing else will, he thinks, if something happens to Slinky or if Slinky and he aren't together after this.
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//Too right we'll always matter. When, uh... when you get out of all this, you know where I am.//
Probably, he thinks, unless Cyclonus has put him somewhere else by then.
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He should just say: "yeah - no worries, V!" cut the com, and roll on. But the sense of the unknown is suddenly upon him, that feeling that he might not see Vortex for a while, depressingly vivid. It feels like he only just truly got to know his team mate, and now he's going to leave him.
A hazy craziness stretches ahead, and the copter seems like the last thread binding Swindle to sensibility, and the familiar. And whilst the bond is very much there, Swindle can't bring himself to break the more tangible link, to not hear his team mate's voice.
He's sudddenly choked, and doesn't know what to say, his engine making small sputtering sounds. Unable to control his choice of words, he blurts out,
// Vortex don't close the bond again. Please. I love you. And if this all goes to hell - I'll need you. //
He thinks it sounds pathetic, and undeniably Autobotish, but he can't help that. It's how he feels. His frame shudders, his tyres crunching, as a mighty surge of strong emotion and the utmost devotion forges across the bond.
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He hopes Swindle doesn't expect the same kind of over-sentimental nonsense in return, because he isn't getting it.
But the outpouring of emotion from Swindle coincides with Cyclonus doing something very interesting to Vortex, and all that echoes back along the bond is an intense thrill of excitement, and a deep glow of gratified approval.
//You do what needs to be done,// he says. He figures that Swindle can take it whatever way he likes. Swindle better need him when this is over, whether it all goes to the pit or not.
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The apparent 'response' to his words, followed immediately by what Swindle takes as another manifestation of the new 'caring attitude' of his team mate, sends a warmth and a thrill through Swindle's own circuits which he sends back through the bond.
Amazed and delighted by the 'reciprocation,' he finds himself wondering about the sparkbond, whether it is even possible for it to work any more.
Crystallizing his thoughts, he says heavily: // Heck, I dunno Vortex. This - thing with Slinky. It was different when I went into it. I was different - you know. We were different.
// I shouldn't have gone into it. I kinda feel guilty now - you know? All that - fragging other mechs. I reckon it's to do with that. So yeah, I have to do what I have to.
He goes on, thinking out loud: // Maybe I won't have to break it. If I just - you know - hang out - with you and Blast Off. It might just sort of - go away.
He chooses to ignore the fact that he thought this before, and it didn't.
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//You could try,// he hazards. But he doesn't want to suggest any ways Swindle could dissolve the bond; he'd rather Swindle just came back, even if he had to spend a while in the brig when he did.
Perhaps he'd see the light after all, and use the sparkbond as the tool it seemed to be. All those insights into a foreign mech, they had to be useful.
//Just so long as you do come back.//
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Memories of a myriad sensations come back to Swindle; of rich fuel and black metal and power and flight and speed, of exquisite touch and searing heat, of desire and ecstasy, burning, of every circuit and synapse wild with charge and of every part of him alive as he and the copter finally connected; all infused with tenderness, with his love for his team mate, and haunted by the subtle mingling scents of the copter's alloys and of the rain and the pine forest.
Overwhelmed, Swindle can't speak, his engine sputters and chokes, a wealth of feelings cascading down the bond, as he simply mutters: // Vortex ....
He can see the country change ahead, the rocky outcrops which stretch before the caves, the terrain too rough to drive. Swindle knows he'll have to fly. And he could stay on the comm of course - oh, he much wants to do that - but he knows he needs to concentrate on the task ahead; and he knows also that if he keeps this up he'll cause his team mate distress - and that he does not want to do. No, whatever else, not that. Never again.
Pulling up and transforming, he says: // I will come back, Vortex, I promise. And I'll never go away again.
Then, with an ache in his spark, Swindle cuts the comm, vaguely remembering that he told his sparkmate that very same thing, and did not stick to it.
Yet, this is different, Swindle tells himself, focusing with an effort and preparing thrusters. Yes, different. For whatever happens, he and Vortex will never, ever really be apart again. No, never. No matter where they both may be. And, with this in mind, he sends such reassurance through the bond.
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Or so he like to think. But he wants his team close, he wants Swindle close. He brings his attention back to Cyclonus, and wonders exactly how long he'll be incarcerated this time.
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