I'm back again for the halibut. (giggle)
But really, I'm kinda bored, so lemme let my mind wander for your entertainment for a bit.
1. G1. The Autobots try to make a truce with the Decepticons. The Decepticons agree to the truce the Decepticon way: with dinner. The Autobots are disgusted by traditional Decepticon food.
Starscream: (munches on a little wriggly thing)
Hound: (horrified) Y-y-you ate it!
Starscream: And?
Hound: Live!
Starscream: Well, of COURSE I ate it live! Don't have time to cook it in the heat of battle, do you?
a. Same thing, but reserved hosts.
Breakdown: Whatisthatwhatisthat WHAT IS THAT?!?!
Red Alert: It's synthetic oil. The humans make it!
Perceptor: It's quite delicious!
Breakdown: (screams in horror)
2. TFA Bumblebee starts hanging out with G1 Brawn. Neither of the two's respective groups approve.
TFA Optimus: Your Brawn is a bad influence on Our Bumblebee!
G1 Optimus: Your Bumblebee? He swears worse than Our Brawn!
Brawn and Bumblebee: No we slaggin' DON'T!
3. TFA. Jetfire and Jetstorm take to Optimus. He's a lot like Sentinel, but he doesn't yell as much. (Jetfire: "Is being much nicer and not hurting our audia receptors as very much here.")
4. Beast Wars. Rattrap finds corn. (I know our modern idea of corn is very much domesticed and bred to our specific needs and tastes, but hear me out.) Rattrap tries corn. Rattrap is suddenly very much addicted to the "most delicious thing I've ever eaten on Cybertron or... wherever we are! (stuffs his face) (( Based on real-life experience. My rats go nuts over corn. GET IT? HA-CHA-CHA! ))
5. G1. It's been a few weeks since the Negavator. Red Alert refuses to accept Inferno's rescue from the end of the episode as an apology. Inferno has, so far, refused to apologize for abandoning his post. Both are starting to go nuts from lack of friend. Cue probably the best idea Inferno's ever had. (Replace with other song suitably sappy and loving at the same time.)
Inferno: (hugs Red Alert from behind)
Red Alert: AH! Intruders! Decepticons! They'll kill us a-
Inferno: (sings) Ya know Ah cayn't smahle without ya...
Red Alert: - ...
Inferno: Cayn't smahle without ya. Ah cayn't laugh, Ah cayn't sang, Ah'm findin' it harhd to do anythang...
Obligatory overhearing Autobot: Oh PRIMUS, Inferno sounds horrible. This is never gonna work-
Red Alert: (breaks out into happy tears) I love this song! I'm sorry Inferno!
OOA: (mind blown)
6. TFA: The base has had to enforce the rule of "No Quote (Day of the Week)". It's the only break the Autobots get from Bumblebee and Wreck-Gar, who speak almost ENTIRELY in quotes from movies/TV/weird songs/internet/funny conversations they've overhead/etc.
a. Special attention is also given to avoid four-syllabled words.
Prowl: I've never seen a phenomenon qui-
Wreck-Gar: Doo-DOOO-doodoo-doo!
Bumblebee: Phenomenon!
Wreck-Gar: Doo-doo-DOOT-doo!
Prowl: (already thinking of ways to destroy the Muppet Show DVD)
7. TFA. Ratchet: What are we running here, a home for abandoned Autobots? (cue Wreck-Gar, Scrapper, Snarl, Jazz (and Sari?) looking at him with confused optics)
a. With that outburst, Wreck-Gar decides to find his own place along with Scrapper and Snarl.
i. Unable to find out, Wreck-Gar makes one. (I can see him with this awesome Kids Next Door-esque fort made of scraps and junk.)
Thefinalsub-indent,Iswear. Sari: This place'd be awesome if it didn't smell so bad.
8. G1: As horrible as the Decepticons are usually, they're willing to pull out all the stops for a wedding. Arranged marriages are, for whatever reason, tabboo in Decepticon culture. On the other claw, so is divorce and/or murdering your spouse. So when one Decepticon finds another Decepticon (sigh) Or Autobot, I suppose) that they like enough to agree to join themselves to for life, it's a big fraggin' deal.
a. While I'd like to see this say inter-Decepticon, I wouldn't mind seeing Octane proposing to Sandstorm.
1. The Decepticons, by freak coincidence, have one of the same tradition as humans: Going around and saying the best wishes of the new couple into a microphone (which may or may not be sentient). Good for crackin' up a fic.
Rodimus: (awkward as always) Um... I guess I just hope that Octane doesn't, I dunno, kill Sandstorm in his sleep or something. Kid's had it pretty rough as it is. Happy trails. (passes the mic)
Galvatron: (leeeettle overcharged) I'm feelin'... pretty good! Hope Cyclon's-us-s-us- Cyclonus and Galv'tron stay happ'ly married for y'ers to come! (passes the mic)
Cyclonus: (blush) Um... agreed.
9. G1-verse gets TFA and Movie Prime. They marvel at the three stages of Prime: Kid (TFA), Mech (G1), and Elder (Movie). The G1 bots proceed to gush over TFA Prime and treat Movie Prime like a visiting favorite grandpa.
Jazz: (pinches TFA Prime's cheek) Hey there, sweetums! Where'd your nose go?
TFA Prime: (humble but loving it) Aw, gee...
(The Minibots, in the meantime, will NOT get out of Movie Prime's lap.)
10. TFA. Sentinel: (somehow in the midst of a giant battle) Optimus, you slag-head, back me up! ... Optimus, that's an order! (fights a little more) OPTIMUS! (looks around)
Optimus: (dead)
1. Heroic Blue Screen of Death. Sentinel freezes up, forgetting about the universe and just staring at his ex-ex-best friend.
2. Heroic Rage of Righteous Fury. Sentinel kills everything in sight. (Luckily, the Autobots get out of sight fairly quickly.)
3. Optimus Prime is NOT dead (or at least, he's brought back. The Allspark was HUGE, they could find another fragment!), and finds Sentinel centuries later. Sentinel's named his oldest son after Optimus.
11. Movie: Megatron has found Optimus out in the middle of nowhere, alone, and takes him on. He beats on him for a bit, like a cat playing with a mouse. Optimus won't fight back. Eventually Megatron gets frustrated:
Megatron: Why won't you do anything? Raise your fists, scream, do something! Why won't you fight?
Optimus: I came here to die. My interference would only prolong the inevitable.
Megatron: (floored)
It's not a suicide. Optimus is just that old, and his body has decided it doesn't want to go on.
12. TFA. Bulkhead: (to Bumblebee) How come you never ride on my shoulder anymore?
13. TFA: Jazz: Whatchy'all doin'?
Ratchet: Taking a nap.
Jazz: Nap?
Man, doing these things is hard.