so many options... so many fucking options
of course im not sleeping, i rarely do now-a-days. it seems that my life is full of so many fucking choices. there are so many open ends, and i have no way of dealing with them, or rather, the lack of comprehension in order to make a proper decision. i always have thought of all these options as problems, but i was talking to coco about an hour ago, and he told me that it was beautiful. here i am thinking he's nuts, but then i got to thinking, and he's kinda right about it. god gave me balls (ironic that i use this phrase, since religion and faith has been really bothering me lately, but thats a differnet story for a different day) and i gotta use them and just make a fucking choice. if its wrong, then oh well, make another choice and go deeper. anyways, i cant just sit around and let life fucking just go past me and wait for shit to happen. life is learned by making mistakes, ive always been so concerned about not making bad decisions, that i havent made any decisions at all.
this is just bothering me, so i gotta put it in here and hope for feedback (by anyone with advice). anyways ive been seeing, for lack of a better word, this girl for a little bit, and we say that we like each other, but sometimes im just kinda confused. this is probably just me being insecure, and/or rediculous. but anyways, she doesnt seem to return my calls, for example, we'll hang out for a few days straight, and then i wont hear from her for like a week, and then a few days, and repeat. i pretty much call her once or twice a day, and sometimes she calls, sometimes she doesnt. i just really dont know where its going, and thats whats getting to me. its like mentally i commited to a relationship that doesnt exist, and im just kinda hanging out waiting to see if she'll come by and join me. i mean if we were going out, i wouldnt fret about something like this because i have that security of knowing that she is there (although i would like to hear from her quite often), but because we arent together, but psychologically it feels like we are, its turning my mind into knots. i dont know if i should just kinda chill, and wait for her to call me, or if i should just keep going the way i am. see there we go with more decisions, though be it, self-created, most problems are self-created anyways (well for me it seems). once again, input would be helpful. i think im going insane
been hanging out with sir reubleman lately, and also been thinking about the military route. i dont know why, it just seems like its a good idea for some reason. for example...
- my life is going nowhere as of yet
- dogtags are cool
- i am inane (in other words, i dont have a conscience)
- i do what im told
- i like pain/fear
- i dont have a realistic view on life/death (conceptually, and physically)
- i dont have a realistic view on war (i know, but i dont understand)
- my family is rather distant (conceptually)
- no more target
- my life is boring/no reason not to
not that its going to actually happen, in fact it most likely will not, but none-the-less its gone back and forth through my head (among other things).
then comes florida, i dont even know where to get started with this one. do i go, do i not go. if i go should i do this, or not do this. if i dont go should i do that. and so on and so forth, i would give actual examples but really my minds starting to exhaust itself. hopefully ill be able to get more than a couple hours of sleep before work tomorrow, but doubtful.
anyways, leave something if you have input. or even if its nothing, put it down. im interested to see what you guys think of this.
oh yeah, go steelers
this is just bothering me, so i gotta put it in here and hope for feedback (by anyone with advice). anyways ive been seeing, for lack of a better word, this girl for a little bit, and we say that we like each other, but sometimes im just kinda confused. this is probably just me being insecure, and/or rediculous. but anyways, she doesnt seem to return my calls, for example, we'll hang out for a few days straight, and then i wont hear from her for like a week, and then a few days, and repeat. i pretty much call her once or twice a day, and sometimes she calls, sometimes she doesnt. i just really dont know where its going, and thats whats getting to me. its like mentally i commited to a relationship that doesnt exist, and im just kinda hanging out waiting to see if she'll come by and join me. i mean if we were going out, i wouldnt fret about something like this because i have that security of knowing that she is there (although i would like to hear from her quite often), but because we arent together, but psychologically it feels like we are, its turning my mind into knots. i dont know if i should just kinda chill, and wait for her to call me, or if i should just keep going the way i am. see there we go with more decisions, though be it, self-created, most problems are self-created anyways (well for me it seems). once again, input would be helpful. i think im going insane
been hanging out with sir reubleman lately, and also been thinking about the military route. i dont know why, it just seems like its a good idea for some reason. for example...
- my life is going nowhere as of yet
- dogtags are cool
- i am inane (in other words, i dont have a conscience)
- i do what im told
- i like pain/fear
- i dont have a realistic view on life/death (conceptually, and physically)
- i dont have a realistic view on war (i know, but i dont understand)
- my family is rather distant (conceptually)
- no more target
- my life is boring/no reason not to
not that its going to actually happen, in fact it most likely will not, but none-the-less its gone back and forth through my head (among other things).
then comes florida, i dont even know where to get started with this one. do i go, do i not go. if i go should i do this, or not do this. if i dont go should i do that. and so on and so forth, i would give actual examples but really my minds starting to exhaust itself. hopefully ill be able to get more than a couple hours of sleep before work tomorrow, but doubtful.
anyways, leave something if you have input. or even if its nothing, put it down. im interested to see what you guys think of this.
oh yeah, go steelers