one whole trip around the sun without a drink or drug
Well friends,
In exactly one hour and ten minutes, I will have gone an entire year without a drink or drug. I really want to go to bed and wake up and have it be tomorrow, but I'm also feeling like I should get some of what is in my head right now out in this journal, which i have neglected for quite some time.
I don't even know how to feel right now except for extremely grateful and kind of blown away that I made it. I remember feeling like I could probably make it a whole year but also feeling like some unidentified monster was gonna jump out from the bushes and make me drink. I think I've just always failed at most things, so why shouldn't I fail at this?
This year has undoubtedly been the best year of my life. I've done some amazing things and met some of the most incredible people and I never would have met them if sobriety hadn't happened for me. I've also been in some of the most incredible pain I can ever recall being in. But something kept me from drinking and I made it to this moment, which means I'll probably make it to midnight. My sponsor says if I can make it a year, I can make it for the rest of my life. I hope so.
Initially, my plan was to do this for a year and see what kind of things happen in my life...Wait a year and see what kind of magic happens. If there isn't enough magic, well shit, I might as well drink...The truth is that my life looks a lot like it did this time last year...my apartment is still kinda messy most of the time, my finances are still kinda messy, and my love life is either non-existent or a complete disaster. BUT, aside from all that, there are good things. I'm able to show up for the job that I love, I can pick up the phone when my sister calls me because I'm not embarrassed about being drunk at 3pm, I can be in groups of people that I don't know and be comfortable with who I am without a drink in my hand, and I can look myself in the face when I go to bed at night and tell myself that things are getting better. Small steps.
In exactly one hour and ten minutes, I will have gone an entire year without a drink or drug. I really want to go to bed and wake up and have it be tomorrow, but I'm also feeling like I should get some of what is in my head right now out in this journal, which i have neglected for quite some time.
I don't even know how to feel right now except for extremely grateful and kind of blown away that I made it. I remember feeling like I could probably make it a whole year but also feeling like some unidentified monster was gonna jump out from the bushes and make me drink. I think I've just always failed at most things, so why shouldn't I fail at this?
This year has undoubtedly been the best year of my life. I've done some amazing things and met some of the most incredible people and I never would have met them if sobriety hadn't happened for me. I've also been in some of the most incredible pain I can ever recall being in. But something kept me from drinking and I made it to this moment, which means I'll probably make it to midnight. My sponsor says if I can make it a year, I can make it for the rest of my life. I hope so.
Initially, my plan was to do this for a year and see what kind of things happen in my life...Wait a year and see what kind of magic happens. If there isn't enough magic, well shit, I might as well drink...The truth is that my life looks a lot like it did this time last year...my apartment is still kinda messy most of the time, my finances are still kinda messy, and my love life is either non-existent or a complete disaster. BUT, aside from all that, there are good things. I'm able to show up for the job that I love, I can pick up the phone when my sister calls me because I'm not embarrassed about being drunk at 3pm, I can be in groups of people that I don't know and be comfortable with who I am without a drink in my hand, and I can look myself in the face when I go to bed at night and tell myself that things are getting better. Small steps.