(no subject)
At the beginning of my Junior year I said that I wanted to experience and see everything. I wanted to feel real. I wanted all the good stuff but I wanted all the bad stuff too. I wanted to grow up slowly and not miss all of the little things around me. I wanted to take risks and to put myself out there and just to be. Today when I was driving and feeling particularly sad about a certain something I suddenly realized I had achieved all of this. Although what I was feeling today was painful and hard it was REAL. It was life. I wanted to fall in love and I did. I wanted to know what a broken heart felt like and oh I felt it. I wanted to make mistakes and have to pay for them and I have done plenty of that. I wanted to achieve and I think to an extent I have. I wanted to put myself out there and I did. I wanted to take risks and not just the little puny kind where nothing is at stake but the big kinds where you feel like you might loose it all and I have done that. I wanted to find and feel true joy and I have. I want4ed to good things and make some sort of a difference and I can only hope I have. I wanted to feel utterly blissfully ridiculous and I have. I wanted to be enlightened about life and living and I'm closer to it. I wanted to be reckless and although some may disagree I feel i have been in some ways. I wanted to try an abundance of new things and I did. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do certain things and I did. I wanted to test my limits I did. I wanted to cry when I felt like crying, scream when I felt like screaming and laugh when I felt like laughing and I have. I wanted to be more accepting of myself and I am. I wanted to make decisions on my own and not regret them and I have made slow steps toward that. I wanted to feel free and I do. I wanted to find my true friends and I did. I wanted to overcome big obstacles and I am overcoming them. I wanted to have an unforgettable high school experience and that is exactly what it has been. I wanted to learn to let go and I have and continue to do so. I wanted to pinpoint the important things in life and I continue to strive for that daily. I didn't want to loose myself in the so called process of "finding myself" and I haven't. I wanted to live in a real way and I wanted to feel everything and I am doing it. This is life my friends welcome to it. It is such an amazing roller coaster and I am continuing to realize the it is pretty much yet to begin.