(no subject)
This year has been the worse experience ever!!! Maybe it is completely my fault i dunno. Maybe my expectations were just way too high. Maybe I relied on a plan I had for my life way too long instead of listening for Gods so then when it all fell apart it left me devastated and feeling alone. I'm out of reasons why my life feels like its falling apart it just does and despite my efforts to make it better it just doesn't seem to be getting that way. Everyone keeps telling me not to stress and that it will all get better but I don't believe any of them and i'm afraid of wasting my last year of high school away in misery. Nothing important or exciting has happened to me this year and everything is just flying by so fast. I'm faced with all of these important and potentially life altering decisions to make and I don't know the answers I don't know what the right choice is. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to and that senior year has just turned into one huge countdown until we all leave and go out on our awn away from each other. This year is slowly making my worst fear come true. I'm having to grow up and in a very real and quick way. I feel like God is teaching me all of these hard lessons one by one. As soon as I learn one another one is hurled at me. I feel like i'm in the crash course on life and tough lessons and it is not fun. I'm going on blind faith right now because while a lot of my classmates know exactly where they will be next year and a lot of them who they will be living with and even exactly what they will major in I HAVE NO IDEA. I get asked at least once a day where i'm going to college. Well guess what I STILL DO NOT KNOW so STOP ASKING ME when I figure it all out I will make a public announcement but until that date please avoid such a question at all cost. My mom is the only one that really understands she thinks it is completely fine that I don't have any idea where I am going to college shes kind of backed off and is letting me have my time to figure everything out its kind of weird that she trusts me so much with this and she believes that I will make the right decision its weird because this is one thing I wish she would just tell me where to go and what to do. Tomorrow will be better and the next day will be better than tomorrow this is what I will tell myself. It's hard because i've always been able to be positive even in negative situations but i'm not doing a very good job of that right now. I don't even know what to do anymore. Maybe it is as simple as the simple advise from my good friend Maria "i think u would a lot less stressed out if u got more sleep caitlin go to sleep right now young lady, maria fox;s orders"